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Chrissie Mary Morrison (Ms) of Skigersta is over the moon with the government minister, John Hutton, who has personally encouraged her to name and shame the fellow who took advantage of her so many years back behind a peat stack behind the Eoropie bochan.
She is disgusted that the father of Mohammed Jack Thomas Oliver Morrison has contributed nothing towards the upkeep of the product of their union save for a bucket of mackerel each week during the summer when the fish is plentiful.
She is delighted however that all those years ago she selected names for the child that are now the most popular in the UK for boys according to today Times newspaper and that she put a bet on that this would be tha case with the bookies on Bayhead.
So Donald Oliver Javed Buchanan your son did OK without you - he's now reading Human Genetics at St Andrews University which goes to show the product of a union between first cousins doesn't always spell evolutionary doom!

There was a media frenzy on Bayhead yesterday as a tractor taking local bed and breakfast heiress Paris Morrison passed by the ferry terminal. The Fios Crime reporter, Dolina Spraid Porter, strained her ankle in the frenzy and had to have it bandaged when she got back to school.
Paris Morrison, daughter of Conrad and Mary Anne, is no stranger to the pages of the Gazette and the Free Press. She has been dubbed the 'Wild Child of Skigersta'. Last month she was caught driving on the Barvas Moors in contravention of a ban imposed earlier this year. She was sentenced to twenty eight days at the Plasterfield Township House of Correction. Here in her tartan jumpsuit she could expect to earn six pounds a week chopping and packing neeps for the Trondra market.
However following an examination by her first cousin, Angus 'Freud' Morrison, she was released to complete her sentence at her parents' luxury B and B on Oliver's Brae. There followed an outcry from the West Side and Back districts and the Fiscal demanded she be brought back to court to explain how this psychiatric report came to be done by her first cousin.
In a packed court, Paris, the face of Emporioalanjohn of Lionel, looked radiant but tired as the fiscal remanded her. 'This is an opportunity from God' she told the Monthly Record. 'I certainly expect to emerge a changed woman. Three weeks in Plasterfield will be a humbling experience.' Her cousin, Chrissie Mary Morrison (Ms), age witheld, when doorstepped by reporters promised her cousin a getting out thrash to remember at Eoropie Bochan. We Morrisons are just easy targets for the press she added as she threw a bucket of sour milk over the assembled press pack in a gesture of family solidarity.