91热爆

Donald and I had to fight back tears when we arrived at the Fank on the company tandem at first light this morning. That something hatched in a moment of boredom back in December could have turned out like this astounded us. The first thing we saw was the Godwin stretched tractor and trailer with the great man asleep inside. Good job we wiped off the message Chrissie Mary had left in lipstick on the tinted windows or he might have turned tail and fled. The good natured banter in the queues was a joy to behold and it looks as if this could be a really friendly four days. Annie B was oiling the turnstiles with WD40 from her overnight case while making sure Chrissie Mary didn't slip her chains. 12000 people had signed in, donned their North Star overalls and their name tags before the grand opening at nine o'clock.
A huge cheer went up as the post office vans with their silencers removed made a pass past the Fank with two post office out riders on their bicycles. The brave boys in blue with the red piping were a hug hit with some of the women from Arran who sped off with the posties presumably to see about getting matched up. Jeremy Godwin spoke eloquently to the enthusiastic audience and his pole dance at the end had Sunny in a right sweat. He handed over to Charles Kennedy wearing a Harris Tweed Cape. CK (he has his initials on his underwear - how posh is that) sat on a throne with Sir Bobby Robson and agony aunt Denise Robertson on smaller thrones on either side of him.
Then with a fanfare of trumpets from the David MacBrayne Brass Ensemble the first pairing was announced. Donald John Angus MacLeod of Fivepenny and Donaldina Johnina Angusina MacLeod of Laxay are deemed comptable. There was a temporary objection from someone who pointed out that they are cousins but Denise Robertson used her casting vote to overturn it. A cross dresser from Cross was then matched with a Col from Coll - both seemed happy as they made their way hand in hand towards the first aid tent. Each of the Arran woman were promised two men and in return they released the eight men they had pillaged on the Shiant Isles. They are off home repatriated on the next ferry.
Granny E and Back of Beyond have landed prime catches - Granny E has been paired with the prospective Communist candidate for the Western Isles who recently landed at Stornoway as a stowaway while B of B has been paired with the local poet and historian Sorley Tempted McKenzie. Gulls Aloud, the first band of the day, are on stage as I type this in the Press Box with, tribute band the Callanish Stones to follow. More bulletins over the weekend - Things can only get Better.
PS Where's the 91热爆 man - the Arran women haven't got him have they? I promised Graham I'd look after him. By the way tomorrow is investiture day in the Cremola Suite of the Cross Inn. The Queen being away has sent the Earl of Condom to bestow the honours. You won't be able to move for new hats!

What a day and what a lovely couple the Earl and Countess of Condom - no airs or graces. They arrived with their lady in waiting Mistress Bab's from Acorn Antiques not looking a day older than she did when she graced the TV screens.
And hats - you've never seen hats like them. Back of Beyond wore a guga skin pillbox hat with a veil of thin wire netting topped off with a peacock feather, Granny E had a hat made specially in the shape of garden shed and Annie B had her hair thatched and weighted down with pebbles gathered from the Galson foreshore - a lovely touch. We moved the ceremony from the Cremola Suite at the Cross Inn to the Morven Gallery at Borve so as not to clash with churchgoers. The gallery was a wonderful place to receive our honours. The Queen as if to top the day sent a special medal for Donald for services to The Benefits Agency and a long service medal for his unswerving loyalty to the Inacpacity Benefit. The citation read 'When it might have been easier to accept Job Seekers Allowance Donald was unflinching...'
Says it all doesn't it?
We couldn't stay long as it was off to meet and greet the Americans and Canadians more of which later...

Well it's everyman for himself now the Yanks and the Canadians are here. The 747's began touching down at Callanish International around noon yesterday. Of course I couldn't blog last night as Granny takes the spark plug out of the computer on a Saturday night and where she puts it I feel disinclined to even think about retrieving it! All the attendees have brought their own jam and the most incredible outlandish clothing you can imagine. All the men are giving out Hershey bars to any woman they see promising 'plenty more where that came from'. Sunny immediately hit it off with Hiram P Fudpucker the Fourth from Desmoines Iowa and they haven't been seen since. Donald is chatting up a lass called Condoleesa - one hell of a tan - she arrived from Blackburn - she'd had a row with ther boyfriend Jack. Two young women from Sebastopol have been snapped up by the Murray Brothers and, subject to the vet's report on their dowry, there could be two marriages in the making there. The incomers have added greatly to the excitement arounfd the Fank and they love our Guga wraps. There will be Guga drive thro outlets all over N America within the year according to one attendee who said 'Just call me Saunders'. According to our matchamkers they think over 40000 couples are already matched with a day to go this is beyond our wildest expectations. Oh and clebrities Ned Flanders is on site as we speak. isn't that fantasmadootiful?

Looking at the site this morning it's hard to believe that 14000 people spent four days here and that over 80% of them were paired off successfully- the Moonies don't get a better strike rate as Tom Cruise was heard to tell Denise Robertson.
The Americans and Canadians particularly enjoyed themselves and they were particularly fulsome in their praise of Callanish Air and its baggage handling. The new airport came of age, it's fair to say.
The 91热爆 man Donald - no relation to my cousin - enjoyed himself and we wish him and the big lass from Arran every happiness. Trevor didn't find love but he is taking a faithful Border Collie back to the Northern Isles with him.
Logistically we got through:
56000 seagulls
28000 puffins
70000 liters of cows milk
4 litres of soya milk ( Godwin )
14000 sets of North Star overalls
7000 rolls of Izal and 300 rolls of Andrex in celebrity loos.
6000 vol au vent cases
250000 daffodils for bouquets
25000 gallons of cremola foam
1 tonne Lofty Peak flour
20 kg Sun Ray T tips
15000 Paris Buns
10 macaroon bars
6 McCowans Dainties.
Two ferries

Emporio Alan John had his best days trading on saturday since records began and should reach the end of the queue by mis August. He works at the same rate at which stuff is posted on this site! Look forward to hearing individual success stories and your suggestions for next year.

We'll be back from Club 18 30 at Lesmahagow crossing Good Friday Uig Tarbert. If anyone fancies a coffee at An Lantair on Tuesday I'll be there around 3pm. I'll have my Fank Marshall fluorescent jacket with me and I'd be happy to say hello and exchange fank experiences. Donald has an interview with the Benefits Office over the number of foreign holidays he's had.

Cannot make An Lantair tomorrow Tuesday as called away to mainland through family illness. Caught 13.45 ferry today and caught Alistair darling MP sneaking off the island. I believe he'd heard how smooth the traffic operated at peak Fank times and decided to come on a fact finding mission. Maybe he was at the Fank he had two women with him. Apologies once more.
C

I travelled back home to Lewis on Good Friday after a day's long drive. I had booked a B and B in the village of Idrigill right by the ferry terminus. I used the Undiscovered Scotland site. My choice was about the fifth I rang. Obviously Good Friday was busy. When we got to Idrigill we pulled up behind the Band B on an area where caravans can pull on and were approached by an gentleman with an English accent (Sheffield) who asked who we were looking for. He operates the Band B next door to where we were booked. He gave us a lurid story of a man who sends rats through the letterboxes of local trailer residences and whose dogs have apparently devoured several local cats. My wife being a cat lover refused point blank to sleep at this place. We were forced to spend 拢90 to stay in the very poor Uig Hotel 拢20 dearer than a recent stay in the four star Invercarse Hotel in Dundee. Skye left a very bad taste in our mouths as it will with a lot of tourists if these incomers don't get their acts together. Tourists are being taken to the cleaners in Skye and the Tourist Board should stamp down on it before the industry is ruined. I will not stay on Skye in a hurry ever again.