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For the second year running Albert Ross has got the Fank dates and venue wrong. The Times reports that he is looking for a mate on Sula Sgeir fo the third year running. Why can't he follow instructions? His elder brother, Jonathan and his father, the bandleader, Edmundo, were never this stupid.
Anyway the stupidity of said Albert in on p29 of the Times for all to see. How humilating for the Ross clan.
Chrissie Mary is going to put him out of his misery by hitching a lift with the Ness lads in the summer when they go for the guga. Then she will tempt him back to Skigersta with all her 'wiles of Eve'. That'll teach the stupid man if he can hang about till then.

I'd like to meet Annie B, B of B and F Cat just to show I'm not tetchy and Lerwick Trevor to explain what a lucky escape he had.
And I've an ercol ash tray to show TWS .

Donald has been remarkably quiet since we heard on the radio that Jose Mourinho has been arrested over a dog/quarantine issue. I realised straightaway that Donald must be in some way connected. Seemingly all the sheep he trimmed and sent to Japan as poodles didn't find their way there. At Ullapool he sold one (for a bit of beer money) to an eastern gentleman who was in for the fishing. Donald thought he was on safe ground and spent the money on getting leathered in the Ferryboat Inn and a fish supper from the shop nearby. He bought a pair of kippers as a gift for his mother which we only found the other day in the inside pocket of his kagoul.
Apparently the eastern gentleman sailed to London to be paid off and decided to go and watch Chelsea. In the car park Roman Abramovitch saw the 'dog' and thought it would make an ideal 'sorry' present for Jose and his family.
He called the dog, Gettoffevitch and it quickly became a beloved memenr of the family.
However Jose's butcher recognised the breed when he delivered some Yakburgers to the Mourinho household for a barbecue and the provenance of the
'cheviot' poodle wsa revealed. Jose threatened the butcher to secrecy apparently mentioning Polonium 210 so that the family wouldn't realise the real identity of their family pet.
However worried that Gettoffevitch might spark an outbreak of foot and mouth in Virginia Water the butcher rang Sheepstoppers anonymously.
The upshot is that peace reigns between manager and chairman at Chelsea.
The Mourinho family are distraught at the loss of their pet.
The butcher is in hiding.
The fisherman is over the moon back in Minsk.
Donald is hiding in a henhouse over in Gress
There is lamb on the canteen menu at Paddington Green nick this Sunday.

I have been following diamondbigdod's blog as best I can and if I've understood it correctly, Trondra is sending a turnip on tour. Of course the England football team did this some years ago but I find it a worry that the Western Isles might be upstaged by our Northern cousins.
So last Thursday I nipped down to London to see Simon Cowell's people The upshot is that Lewis is to be at the forefront of the next tranche of reality tv formats.
First off 'Neep Idol' is set to upstage its northern competition.
Then, since we have the best laying hens in Ness, it will host a new programme,
'The Eggs Factor'. Cowell's people are also very keen on our 'Strictly Come Cummunions' and 'Any dram will do' formats. And we've also registered 'The Weakest Drink' for the teatotal audience and Cowell reckons it will sell well in the American Bible Belt ( which Donald thought was an item of clothing up to this point).
So come next fank time, the North of Lewis will be awash with single film crew members and the Cross Inn will be an extension of the Groucho Club.
Chrissie Mary is ordering the body scrubs and rejuvenating cremes as we speak