91热爆

Residents of Ness, Tolsta and the Barvas area are urged to keep all doors and windows shut for the next few days as the Guga ( Young Gannets for the uniniated) is landed at Port of Ness. The prevailing winds are likely to carry the odour across the island in a southerly direction. Emporiolanjohn on the Lionel bypass has a generous offer on gaffer tape and clear polythene to encase your windows and seal your doors. It is unlikely that gas masks bought last year will be still effective and filters are on special offer at the filling station in Barvas. Anyone coming into contact with the bird should boil it and put the carcass at the sea edge at low tide. According to the recently displaced coastguard, the prevailing currents round the Butt of Lewis should take the offending article away and let it become Greenland's problem. (sorry Greenland but desparate measure and all that..)
The quality of drinking water could be affected for a few days and public houses and hotels in teh Ness area are sdvised to boil all lager. Night classes, police patrols, church buses and school will cease until the emergency is over and all guga have been safely frozen or exported to Nova Scotia. Dods MacFarlane is 32.