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16 October 2014

calumannabel


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Public Fank Announcement

As you are no doubt aware, recently this site has been unreliable for posting information so Donald and I have had to make some adjustments to the arrangements for the Fank 07. Since we have not been able to post invitations on the web, we have had to use the database of those who attended last year's event. We had of course over 10000 of the most desparate and bewildered singletons in the Christian world at last years dating festival and this number put a strain on Galson Motors' coach fleet and the chemical toilet on site. The villagers in Aird Dell were beseiged by folk wanting to use their toilet facilities and are only just talking to Donald and I again.
Donald had the idea that this being the Chinese year of the Pig that, by way of a nod in this direction, we shall only invite the ugliest of 5000 of last year's delegates. We have spent several days poring over photos so if you haven't been contacted you aint ugly enough. Sorry Sunny, B of B et al but you are just too too handsome. You can of course attend as Fank Marshalls.
Due to the ugliness of the delegates Friday night's introductory ceilidh with the Three Macs will be a masked ball - emporio alanjohn's mask department is fully stocked.
There will be a free makeover for every delegate - details in the information pack and Chrissie Mary will be giving lectures on self esteem and the criminal justice system. Gulls Aloud and the Callanish Stones will once again provide the music on the Saturday night and the Free Churches in Dell and the Continuing Church in Cross will be open all weekend to handle any weddings.
The event catering and overall sponsorship comes from the Scottish Arts Council, I Can't Believe it's Not Guga plc Habost and Amec windfarms.
Annie B will be on the site throughout to photograph and comment on this cavalcade of amorous dysfunction.
God bless you all.
Calum
Posted on calumannabel at 16:25

Comments

Unreliable??? It's been pure rubbish! Is it only ugly christians who are allowed to attend the Fank? Could you not allow a few heathens in and maybe have a mass baptism as a sideline?

Flying Cat from Inn Anticipation


I know one or two " Back end of a bus" non-Christians ( the type that burkas were made for, I'm not sure I've got all the terminology correct, but at least I tried ) would they be alright to come, oops,

Tws from Fankfulforsmallmercies


The uglier the merrier

calumannabel from Fank Nerve Centre


does this thing really exist and what is it really???

carol from france


Is it true that you've been given an ASBO calumannabel? Is it to do with Chrissie Mary? Or Annie from the usual? Or both? Let's just hope it's got nothing to do with Fank 07 as I believe there are a couple of brothers who are walking 500 miles, yes and more, just to be at your door. In time for Fank'07 perhaps??

Tws from The Croft Lewis


Now why would anyone give me an Anti Social Blogging Order?

calumannabel from Brue


Yes Carol of course the Fank really exists. There are swathes of desperate women packing their pollyfilla and carmen rollers as we speak, prior to hoofing it over to Lewis to find a fine upstanding Murdo John or a Donald at the Annual Fank Dating Extravaganza. I'm sure if you send your details to Calum he'll pencil you in........

Flying Cat from primping&preening parlour


calumannabel and everybody else - I think this is the thin end of the wedge actually ... I don't think its funny at all to mock the afflicted singletons on the island - I bet yall are smugmarrieds aren't you now - should be ashamed of yourselves ...

soaplady from feeling guilty for softly snivelling


Of course anyone can come, TWS. The rules may change though. Depends. YOU are not thinking of coming, are you? ARE YOU, TWS?!

mjc from NM,USA


The answer to mjc from nm in usofa is no. I may drive past and toot my horn at them, they don't like that.

Tws from NoFankyou


Do people toot horns on the islands just to say hello? Such a habit drives me nuts. # Seriously, you will be welcome at the Fank, I'me sure TWS: a wild addition to an already wild, debauched scene would simply make for a more prolific, if not wilder, stew. # Have the narrow gauge railway tracks been laid yet? Is it over budge, a la London Olympics? Will we have to fall back on rickshaws (imported - with their Vikings -from Shetland if needs must)?

mjc from NM,USA


I, EffCee, would like it to be known that I am NOT a Smugmarried. And, what's more, never will be. Thanks to a certain small surgical procedure carried out without my consent....*grrrrrumble* There's no mockery involved soaplady...it's wellknown there is a shortage of wimmin on Lewis and a massive amount of free bodachs just waiting to be plucked (I SAID PLUCKED TWS) from the hell that is bachelorhood. Honest.

Flying Cat from pawloose and fancyfree


No the event is not over budget as last year's treasurer has been replaced. The last sections of the railway are snaking up the hill from Galson Lodge and the supprts for the bridge over the loch are in place. The site gets its annual safety certificate tomorrow and there's a smell of new paint and embrocation in the air.

calumannabel from Fank HQ


There are suggestions that illegal kickbacks to the Fank organizers have been made in connection with the renting of the Fank Dell? Are these just the rantings of disgruntled banished 06 Fanksters? I should hope so.

mjc from NM,USA


If the Fank's on Common Grazing land, there will surely be no rent to pay. I think you're probably right about the greasing of palms tho', mjc.......

Flying Cat from The Sunroom of Eternity




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