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16 October 2014

Scallowawife


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transvestite tuesday...

no photos - did not take my camera to the hall. For the first time in years I did not take a handbag, no purse, no mobile, on our night out. we took several pairs of spare shoes, and a spare warm top, but none of the usual stuff. We had a brilliant night. we were entertained till the last dance at 8am.

we had supper with two special polis men, armed to the teeth and dangerous. we considered strip searchin them for hancuffs, but stopped in the nick of time...

and the transvestites were out in force, stockings, false boobs, the lot. such fun!

I had the last dance with a cat, he had very dangerous whiskers, I and any folk birlin nearly were in danger of being stabbed by them. FC: how does one manage ones whiskers?

my mum says Up Helly Aa is all about equality (never refuse a guiser a dance and all that) so she was quite taken aback when I told her about us being ousted from our seats by an English couple (soothmoothers). We had been standing for ages wathching the acts when we decided to dip ourselves in some vacant seats. Up comes the couple who had been away having supper. "those are our seats" I thought for a moment about pretending to be deaf, or foreign, but we slowly rose and left. my friend was very indignant - "do they expect us to stand?" she asked "did they pay more for their tickets than us?" and we wished we had had courage to say "we didn't realise you had your names on these seats". what a cheek to be told to leave our seats - after all the seats in the row behind were empty!!

when I told my mum, she was horrified, when I got to the bit about being english she said "Ah."

it just goes to show how different people are.

Posted on Scallowawife at 12:22

Comments

They probably didn't realise, Scallowawife, don't be too hard on them!

Jill from EK


I'm really very glad you asked scallowawife because I am seldom asked for sartorial hints&tips and I have no idea why this should be. whiskers. grooming of. (now pay attention. I know there are distractions that can make you miss a day here and there and forget to get out of your basket in the morning) 1. get plenty of fresh spit on your paw. 2. wipe Whiskers Left Side in a clockwise direction 3. do same for Right Side with other paw 4. repeat for both in anti-clockwise direction. remember to frequently replenish spit. yawn&purr. there. all done. Now, can you tell me why there was absolutely NO write-up in the Sh*tland Times about MY squad??? '6. Top Cat (18)' was all it got. I hope it wasn't that Leery Friedlarder gittin it wrong again!

Flying Cat from just trying to be helpful


Where are they? The cheeky blighters ( it took me ages to think of a word to put in that would be acceptable to IBHQ) that they are. I NEVER move for people like that ( unless Herself drags me away) anymore, I just give them a look, then tell them I've been letting off/dropping bombs/cutting the cheese/farting on the chair, and if that doesn't work, I let rip, not with my rear end this time. When on holiday, many years ago, we used to wait until the Germans, and other nationalities, had put their towels on their seat, then went for breakfast, and we'd nip out and throw all the towels in the pool.

Tws from In A Rage


Wow Scallywag, your mother is still living, has she had a letter/telegram from the Queen yet? She must be a good age, it's island living that gives you long life.

Tws from The Croft Lewis


ver funny!

me from back hame


I think that must have been Ma from back hame...she's got a ver' interesting accent there.

Flying Cat from chopping the cheddar


dear tws-i see your still living dangerously

me from suffering from jet lag


I wouldn't have it any other way me ( That's the me from back hame, and not me me, or any other me, I hope that clears it up)

Tws from The Croft Of Living Dangerously


The same thing happened on Judge Judy and there was a punch-up.And you think you watch too much TV! My favourite 'Die At 6pm' while cooking the dinner ,is the Hotel Inspector. I nearly once bought a B and B, thankfully commonsense prevailed. I've never managed to stuff a duvet into its bag yet and prospect of 12 a day!

aquaerial from whalsay




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