91Čȱ¬

The Arran Viking Society Fancy Dress Party went remarkably well and we raised well over ƂĀ£1200! I thought about posting the photos of the party but although Neil's old lady body was made out of cotton, stuffing and tenis balls (very droopy bosoms), once he had performed an hysterical striptease the pictures got fantastically offensive, especially the enormous curly muff he had carefully sewen on. I'm not sure the 91Čȱ¬ are ready for that yet...... Everyone made an impressive effort from Osama Bin Ladin (Mark) and The Scots Porridge Oats Man (Peter) to The Phantom of The Opera (Marvin & Marion) & Bride of Frankenstien (Maria) who won the girls competition. Almost everyone got dressed up, apart from the teens who didn't bother for some reason.

This is Neil, Publican, Mountain Rescue dog handler and ancient tranny stripper. Really want to post the rest of these but think Mike will excommunicate me from blog land.

Wendy's Birthday

Wendy & Me in traditional birthday pose.

It was Wendy's birthday last Saturday so we went out in Brodick and had a great time. Met lot of people who were visiting, two of whom were from Sweden.

June & wendy

Some bloke we met with huge tatoo

Next morning went for a walk to clear our heads. Had planned big major hike but after I finally stumbled down stairs compromised massively to a nice stroll up to The Duchesses Bathing Pool. Here's the photos:

This is Goat Fell (means something like Windy Hill in Norse), this is behind my house so handy. The Duchesses Bathing Pool is a wee bit up there.

This is the new bridge over the burn on the short cut through the woods & a very silly but cosy hat.

Wendy scouting ahead

Wendy on the Bridge to the Castle

The Duchesses Bathing Pool with cold and freezing running water.

Brodick Bay from the Pool. Brodick means wide bay in Norse. My House is behind the big clump of trees on the right.

These are probably the last daylight photos of the year as today has been perpetually dark and looks like staying that way. Have started dreaming of sunny beaches............. Roll on Hogmany!

Ok the dark is beginning to bore me. Thought my alarm clock had gone mad this morning as I woke up in pitch dark but noā€¦. it just is dark. So hereā€™s a list of good things about the perpetual dark to look forward to:

All the fairy lights look pretty ā€˜cause itā€™s dark!
The Brodick Christmas lights get switched on Sat 3rd at 4pm thereā€™s a raffle to decide who gets the honour and there will be mulled wine etc.
1st Minister Jack McConnell opening Kilmory Village Hall Sat. 10th & switching on lights.
Lamlash lights and Christmas parade Sun 11th at 3pm with usual stuff

Canā€™t see the state of the garden & canā€™t do anything about it because itā€™s too dark!

Canā€™t wash the car cause itā€™s too dark to see what Iā€™m doing!

Donā€™t feel guilty for burning half a tree every night because itā€™s freezing because itā€™s dark!

Ghost stories work better in the dark!

Might manage to get a photo of the barn owl that lives next to my house because itā€™s dark all day!

Always remembering to take a torch with me when leaving the house because no matter what time I leave itā€™s dark!

Walking into a warm cosy house and scoffing half a galleon of hot chocolate because Iā€™ve just battled against a force 10 gale walking home in the dark!

Canā€™t see how much rubbish youā€™ve put yourself into debt buying for Christmas because itā€™s Dark!

Coming out of the pub after lunch doesnā€™t feel so weird because itā€™s dark!

Sitting in the nice warm bar of the ferry because thereā€™s no point going up on deck cause itā€™s dark!

Itā€™s too dark to see the hole in the hull of the Cal Mac Ferry when it crashes into the Pier in high winds! The Ferry crashed at Ardrossan last Friday; it was the only ferry to sail in the whole fleet that day. The Cal Mac spokesman said, ā€œThis occurrence is nothing out of the ordinary. Ferries make contact with the piers on a regular basis.ā€ EH? They did get welders in to fix it and the ferry did sail about 10.30pm to get everyone home so good on Cal Mac but would rather they stopped crashingā€¦

What else is good about the daydark?

I went to the mainland last Tuesday for Christmas Shopping. Glasgow was packed. People kept bumping into me, everyone looked miserable, the shop assistants were useless and there were huge queues at every checkout which I couldn't be bothered standing in. Then I realised I was standing outside the new enormous multiplex cinema in the City Centre! A cinema that's NOT in the back of a lorry! Not only that but with a choice, yes a choice of movies! AND starting every 10 minutes!!!! So I watched the new Harry Potter, glutted on Popcorn then met Julie for a glass of wine before catching the ferry home and nothing on my credit card! Have decided to do all my shopping on queue free friendly Arran where the shop assistants really do help because they know who I'm buying for.

Mind you I still don't know what to get my Dad, he's impossible, especially as he's pre-empted me this year by saying he doesn't want a jumper, socks or alcahol! Well that's blown it!!! Any ideas at all please, please, please?

This is turning into a general ramble... I've got loads of work to do today so I'm mucking about on here to avoid doing any of it. I've read every blog including the Western Isles pages (which are very good)! I started this morning by reading the Arran Banter from cover to cover which takes some doing when the only piece of news was an article on how someone took the wrong jacket home after a funeral last week and how whom ever has his jacket will know because it won't fit them and there's a mobile in the pocket and could everyone who has a black jacket please go & try it on. This article managed to fill two columns... It's nearly 5pm and I've done absolutely nothing all day! I've so far managed to avoid doing anything at all that might actually be of any use! Excellent! I would take Backofbeyonds' advice and look up where the people who leave comments are from but I might learn something and that would constitiute doing something useful so no... I'm blaming it on the dark!

We had our Work Christmas Night Out on Saturday night. As most of my friends are self employed, running businesses with one or no staff we decided to have a work night out together. As the shop is in Lamlash and The News Band were playing at The Drift Inn we decided to have dinner there and boogie the night away! It went extremely well, so well that I canā€™t post any of the photos taken after 8pm, as everyone got spannered, I had particularly good reason but I wonā€™t go into that. The good thing about having the party at the Drift, apart from the excellent food and great music, was that there was no photocopier for copying of body parts, no one sucking up to the boss and no karaoke! Although Diana did get up and make the entire pub sing a song, she's a primary school teacher and probably thought things were getting a bit out of hand. We were also celebrating Diana & Derdries' birthdays. Derdrie wouldn't let me take her picture. Happy Birthday Ladies!


Diana & Eric


Tom who got a strip torn off him for being feckless


Do you think Morag wasn't paying complete attention to our conversation? She was driving...

Mike sent me some Island Blog Posters so here they are displayed in pride of place!




I have been telling everyone about Island Blogging but I'm still the only one on Arran. We are a reticient bunch.

Has anyone tried Genes Reunited? I posted a bit of my family tree last month before realising that I already have a massive family and really donā€™t need any more. Not to mention that eligible bachelors are in short enough supply without finding out that Iā€™m related to them. Just kidding!

Calumannabel (Western Isles Blog) asked who Jeremy Godwin isā€¦.? Iā€™ll have a bash at this but as far as I know no one on Arran has ever met him.

We believe he lives in Penrith, Cumbria, England because his Penrith address is always printed with the copious letters he writes to the local newspaper. He writes about once a month, sometimes about local issues that he appears to have only read about in The Banner as he only refers to previous reports and although he is very generous with his opinions, he never offers any local knowledge or added information. I surmise he either visits the island very rarely or never. My personal theory is that he may have visited once many years ago and has been living vicariously through the pages of the local rag ever since. Obviously this must be very difficult as most of the paper is filled with church notices, boats for sale, cricket, golf, rugby, pool etc. scores. So he may get local papers from elsewhere too. This theory is being born out by the fact that he often chooses to share stories from local papers in Philadelphia USA etc. And BackOfBeyond (Western Isles Blog) says that they have the pleasure of Jeremysā€™ wisdom in their local paper too. His letters can be rather confusing as he will comment on subjects from different issues of the Banner, often issues that are long forgotten or resolved or he tells us "interesting facts" gleaned from obscure references. Some find his contribution bafflingly amusing and it drives others up the wall. I will let you make up your own minds with this tit bit:

Jeremy Godwinsā€™ letter to the Editor July 2nd 2005 Please note that the paper comes out on a Saturday and that previously Jeremy had kindly chosen to tell us a story about frogs in Helsinki, no one was sure what the point of the latter was so Colin Cameron had written questioning Mr Godwins' motivation. Also The Editorial is written in a very personal and completely unobjective style (some would say the only personality left in it since a certain publishing group took it over, I could not possibly comment) and is either aimed at winding as many people up as possible or referring to how local events affect the writers holiday let business. The following is an exact transcript from the paper including grammar and spelling mistakes:

Sir,
These days The Banner travels as second class post and arrives on Mondays, so letters to it comes a week later.

Hurray for your thoughts on frugality (editorial 18 June). As ever, the national economy and the national attitude and philosophy is shot-term; but we are stewards of the earths resources in trust for posterity.

Where would we be in previous ages had consumed what we now enjoy? As the old saying goes, ā€œneeds are few, but wants are endless.ā€

In your report of the two Scots caught with a cargo of drugs, I see you name the one with Arran connections. Is this new editorial practice?

As to Colin Cameronā€™s question, it depends on what he means by ā€œinterestingā€ in this context. Let him define his terms, and then I can give him a suitable reply. Otherwise we might continue at cross-purposes, amusing some and annoying others.

Yours etc.,
Jeremy Godwin,

I have deleted Jeremys' address at Mikes' request. Forgot he was a real person with feelings for a minute. Sorry!.. That's Jeremy not Mike... Not that I'm saying Mike isn't a real person with feelings... anyone got a spade?

Everyone, feel free to help to explain the Jeremy Godwim phenonomen.

I hot footed it down to Jimmy Gordons to get the brand new edition of the banter only to be sorely dissapointed as there isn't a letter from our beloved guru! Now that I think about it I havn't seen anything from him for quite some time... hope he's ok... Anyway, I saw this on the way to the paper shop.

Yes, that's right, it's Santa! Here's a close up..

The Lamlash Santa is doing a wee bit of seasonal house breaking.

As the contents of the local paper have been discussed a bit recently hereā€™s this weeks headlines. Sadly there is nothing from Jeremy Godwin and please note that the appalling abuse of all those apostrophes is The Bantersā€™, not mine. Followed by photos of the weather.

Front Page: (Carries picture of Jack McConnel 1st Minister opening the newly refurbished Kilmory Hall with local dignitaries and school children)

Fears for privatised Arran Ferry
ā€œNone of this is scare mongering. It has happened already to privately run ferry services in the UK.ā€

Avian flu threat kills off ā€œchookie showā€

As the sun has just put in an appearance for the first time this month here's the weather:


This is from opposite the shop towards Holy Isle. I've missed out the shop sign so Mike doesn't have to give me a row. Look it's not just daylight but sunny too!
Ah, no it's changed again.

I got this postcard from Iraq today! As you can image it's quite rare. My friend Annie is a war correspondent for BFBS and was an embedded reporter in Iraq during the Iraq War. She travels over there fairly frequently to do follow up reports and Iā€™ve been mythering to send me a post card ever since she first went. Obviously she felt she had more important things to worry about. I remember the phone call she made just before she was due to leave. Her greatest concern? ā€œHow am I going to stop my make up from melting? I canā€™t go on camera without lipstick!!!ā€ This was way above the fear of chemical weapons, being captured, shot, raped or having to poo in a hole in the sand in front of a bunch of soldiers. I saved the day by pointing out that she was with The Black Watch. ā€œJust put your make-up in beside the food, thereā€™s no way they wonā€™t keep the food & drink cold!ā€ Sheā€™s been to Basra numerous times now without so much as a whimper although she never strays far from her tank.

Annie says if she can survive Basra she can survive Calumannabels Dell Fank. I don't think he's really thought about the consequenses of inviting Arrans Finest!

On an equally dangerous note, itā€™s Corrie Christmas Quiz & Games Night tonight. Be afraid. Be very afraid. The venue is the hotel, everyone welcome. Will keep you posted on events as long as they arenā€™t too embarrassing. I had to sing last time, complete withorange wig and high kicks, made peoples ears bleedā€¦..

I got an e-mail back today from The Cumberland & Westmorland Herald. It reads as follows:

Yes, Mr. Godwin writes letters to this newspaper on a frequent basis,
sometimes every week.

Regards,

Colin Maughan

(Editor, Cumberland and Westmorland Herald)

So it's not just us. However treat you Godwin well or he may abandon you! I don't think we've heard from Jeremy since Colin Camerons' letters.

Happy Winter Solstice Everyone! Oh and Merry Christmas, Happy Hannika Best Wishes for Ramadan etc... Looking forward to shorter nights at last! Isn't it good of winter to be dark really early when all the parties are on! Lots to look forward to including Hogmany at Corrie Hall and Calumannabels Match Making Fank.As I've mentioned before, the prospective fankers from these southerly isles will have a bit of a voyage on our hands. We would like to know what to expect regarding dress code, entertainment, competitions etc. So we can be prepared. I hear Colin Firth, Rene Zelwegger and Cher are good prospects, is it true that Hugh Jackman has offered his services in his Van Helsing capacity? We hear there's a bit of a werewolf problem up there.....

Saturday night was Corrie Christmas Quiz Night. Thanks Margaret & Neil. Hereā€™s the photos:

Neil & Mags calling Bingo. Took a while to explain the rules to us novices. Don't like this game as I didn't win.

Then there was the make an angel competition. Ours was definitely the best (green one) but was burned because the wing fell off.

This looks like something out of a horror flick and was also burned


Neil burning the losing entries to a pub full shreiking, " Burn them all!" Mark the coalman was just in, he reakons if a tourist had walked in they would've been a bit afraid. Maybe we should change the name of the pub to The Saughtered Lamb?

Heather, David & Stuart in the carol competition


Ann & The Pringles

Eric & Mark giving it up. They didn't like the carol they were given so decided to sing about their turnip


Margo on Tanbourine. Sorry my timing was off so missed Margo being launched


Marvinclause. This is their interpretation of jingle bells

Marvin and Lynn and a bit of dead deer


Julie is moving to Whiting Bay in January so when we got back to her house we decided to sit outside and enjoy the view. Ok it is quite dark at 4am but it was a lovely night.

Sunday was the Christmas Film Festival in Corrie Hall. Laurel & Hardy was definitely the highlight. It was good to see yet another generation of children still find them hysterical, which is just as well as they all had to sit through Jonathan Millers Alice in Wonderland. When asked what they thought of it the replies varied from, ā€œWeirdā€ to ā€œ So thatā€™s why you shouldnā€™t take drugs!ā€ Then the bairns went home and we settled down to watch Fanny & Alexander. I gave up after the first 2 ƂĀ½ hours. It was very good if a bit long and it had been a late one the night before. I think we might need to give warnings regarding sexual content etc. in future as there were a few embarrassed grannies who had let their older grand children stay for the last film.

I'm off up to Pittenween tomorrow via Dunfermline to see my Dad who is in hospital, trying to think what to smuggle in for him for Christmas. He's just had a kidney out so alcahol probably isn't a great idea. I'm coming back for Hogmany so catch up with you all then. Have a very merry Christmas everyone!

Iā€™m back from outer space! Well Pittenweem, much the same thing really. I wasnā€™t going to come back until Friday or Hogmanay but when I phoned Cal Mac to book they told me all the ferries were full! As it was the last ferry on Wednesday was full by the time I got to it, including the mezzanine deck, Iā€™m hoping there will be a good crowd out on Hogmanay.

Itā€™s just as well I didnā€™t leave it longer. When I left I knew Iā€™d forgotten to do something, but couldnā€™t think what it wasā€¦ Itā€™s been bothering me ever since I left and as soon as I walked in the door this evening, my scream confirmed that yes, I had left the mousetraps set. Now I know a couple of dead mice shouldnā€™t be a problem but after a week on the under floor heated kitchen tiles? Luckily I had remembered to turn the heating down so they were desiccated and came off the floor easily rather than melted onto it. Once Iā€™d dealt with carcasses, disinfected the floor, decanted the bread bin, emptied the fridge of ancient remnants and taken the stinking mass down to the wheelie bin, the kitchen was decidedly more habitable for me and less attractive to the mice.

So in one way turning the heating down was a good ideaā€¦ but the reason Iā€™m up at 3am writing this instead of cosily tucked up fast a snoozy sleep in bed is because my bedroom is too cold to be habitable. Iā€™ve been shivering up there for the last three hours. When I had finished the mouse removal I finally got my coat off then put it back on again, grabbed my torch and headed off to the woodpile, so have had a fire roaring all night. Sadly there are no fireplaces upstairs but as the heating has been on for hours Iā€™m off up to the artic now. Hope you all had a wonderful holiday, whatā€™s everyone up to for Hogmanay? Night, night. Brrrrrā€¦ā€¦ Hope the mice donā€™t get in beside me to keep warm.

Calumannabel will y' hurry up wi' this fank ma' feet are freezin'!

I will wish A Guid New Year Tae Yin An' A when it comes, as I might just not open the shop tomorrow. Despite the ferry being full on every sailing today we have only had one customer so far! In fact I might just close up now and go get my steak pies before the next boat comes in.... Would you believe it? Someone has just walked through the door! .........Nope, didn't buy anything. Said they would come back tomorrow! I said we would probably be closed and to take advantage of the sale today but she just smiled and assured me she will be back tomorrow... are they deaf? If no one else comes in before 4.30 I'm bailing off home. Here's to a happy and prosperous 2006. X