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Infestations / Plagues, The McLellan Festival and The Largs Viking Festival, it must be September! Some people gage the seasons by the leaves on the trees etc. I gage them by the uninvited beasties I鈥檓 battling and which festival I鈥檓 partying at.

Every year, depending on the season, ants, beetles, wasps, spiders, mice and frogs try to move in with me and seasonally I find different ways of murdering them. But this time I had to call in the big guns as saw a rat in the house! I don鈥檛 feed the birds, compost or do anything to encourage rats and keep all the doors shut and have never had any bother with rats till now. I鈥檓 blaming the rat on the friend who was staying with me who must鈥檝e been born it a barn and raised in a midden as he鈥檚 allergic to shutting doors, washing dishes and putting food away. So I thought, might as well kill two pests with one rat catcher and get rid of the wasps as well. I rang the council and the lady pointed out that I don鈥檛 live in a council house. I explained that I was aware of this. She seemed suprised that I was prepared to pay for someone else to deal with wasps and rat. The council finally sent the exterminator last week. He was casually explaining to me that the wasps in the bathroom must be coming in from outside because if there was a nest in the house he would be able to see them going in and out, then he had a look in the garret, went pale, said something to the effect of, 鈥淛ings! That鈥檚 the biggest wasp bike I鈥檝e ever seen! The blighters!鈥� Only he put much more colourfully. Then he went back to his car, got another two buckets of wasp bike killer and disappeared in to the attic of stingyness. The wasp bike covered most of the gable wall. Brave man, whatever he's paid, it's not enough.

Then he decided to tackle the rat. This wasn鈥檛 quite what you would expect as the rat got jammed under the boiler and by the time he managed to dislodge it, it was toast, literally. It鈥檚 an unusual odour. I would鈥檝e taken a photo for you all but I was suddenly taken poorly. There are now trays and bags of blue pellets all over the house which may well discourage the annual influx of mice, have also set the nipper traps. I can鈥檛 put poison down outside as the partridges, pheasants, ducks, oystercatchers rabbits etc. might eat it, the smell of rotting animals all over the place wouldn't be plesant鈥�

As Jura Stores pointed out, the council appear to be taking a proactive rat encouragement initiative. The Coup is closing and all our rubbish will be taken to the mainland. We will be getting blue wheelie bins for recyclable stuff; this will also be transported by road, ferry and lots more road to a mechanised sorting plant on the mainland. The Council says this is good for the environment. There are no plans for any facilities for large amounts of business rubbish and nowhere for anyone to take rubbish to which won鈥檛 fit in the wheelie bins that will only be emptied once a fortnight. They won鈥檛 lift anything that isn鈥檛 in the bin. Fly tipping must be good for the environment too. Following the councils鈥� logic, the smell from the bins won鈥檛 encourage the already excessive rat population, the frogs, ants and mice are bad enough.

So I finally settled down to watch the chick flick believing myself to be happily alone, only to spot a mammoth harvest spider taking his evening stroll across the curtains, EW! Pressed pause, got the huge spider sized cup from the back of the cupboard and threw the monster out into the rain. Half an hour later something bounced across the carpet鈥� Once I鈥檇 peeled myself off the ceiling I investigated and yes, it鈥檚 a frog. The cup was still handy so after a mental chase, he joined the spider outside. For some reason the frogs prefer the route from the back garden to the loch via my drawing room every year about this time. I have no idea how they get in or why they come in and they are always travelling in the same diagonal direction. The house had been there for hundreds of years; surely it would be easier for the frogs to go round the outside if they are trying to get to the loch. I鈥檓 wondering what鈥檚 going to try to move in next! That reminds me, full moon, better look out the silver bullets.

On a more pleasant seasonal note The McLellan Festival is running this week, celebrating the poetry, writing and plays of Robert McLellan. I went to see The Smuggler and The Caileach last night at Corrie hall and both plays were excellent. For more info go to www.arranart.com. Next year is the centenary festival with events across Scotland. There is a poetry evening at Corrie Hall tonight, another chance to see the plays on Friday night, 8pm Corrie Hall and the culmination on Saturday night again at the hall, it鈥檚 all free and there鈥檚 plenty of wine. There is also a fantastic exhibition inspired by Robert McLellans' work at The Burnside Gallery, Brodick, running all week.

It鈥檚 also Largs Viking Festival this week. Our longship is moored at the beach and there are events all this week. We will all be invading Largs on Saturday for Up-Hellia and will be sailing the Longship as part of the celebrations. We are sailing it back to Arran on Sunday leaving the yacht club after lunch. If you are around the Ayrshire coast come down to the Viking village and have a look around or join us at the pencil on Saturday evening for the party!