Dell Fank Dating Profile - Free and Easy!
Posted: Wednesday, 25 January 2006 |
Comments
Great form Sunny - this should sort out the wheat from the chaff! Not sure if I dare fill it in though, the good advice might not be the sort of thing I'm looking for!
BoB from Lewis
We've an offer on scissors and Dyox for those who want to cut and paste and a special offer on scouring powder this week.
alan john from emporio alan john, lionel, ness lewis
Great stuff.. This system needs its own abbreviations as in GSOH WLTM and all that. I think an honest dating service would go down a storm. So here's a few FBOT Face like back of preverbial RWU Rather well un-endowelled CCSL Can't cook to save their life
Male with RBN seeks boring woman for STB from Gomera with the wind
Oh No! Do I want wheat or chaff? Is chaff gluten free?
Nic from Coll
Thanks for preparing the form for us Sunny. I've followed the instructions. Thought I'd better get in before Agnes Anne Morrison, yon Glamorous Aberdonian and the Californian doxies. It's quite nerve-wracking though. I hope I've done the right thing. Don't want that Greengrass boddach pestering me. I can only hope beyond hope that one of the Firths or Jeremy Godwin might get in touch.
Annie B from Lone Sheilng
Verily I have found a desert land in the North Sea flowing with milk and honey ( and pallets at high tide ) and yeah I have called it the Godwin Sands and I have built a lightship in its honour to be a beacon unto shipping which is an good thing...and shall be called the Godwin Lightship in honour of my master. The Book of Jennie Sis another handmaiden to the Great One
Blodwyn Godwin from Handmaiden to The Great One
Please note that my daughters are as their daft Tired Father describes them; talented, lively and lovely. However they will not be in attendance at your Extravaganza. The daft one attempted to bring them to Lisdoonvarna two years ago under the guise of family holiday. He appears to be up to the nutty stuff again. Please do not hold this against the girls when they visit your lovely part of the world. I suspect the daft one was put up to this by his irksome "cousin" Agnes Ann Morrison.She is not his cousin but some wacko he met at university or in Budapest.
The Colonial mother from Sebastopol, California
My sympathies to the Colonial mother - just when I thought that Agnes Anne Morrison was piping down. Typical. (Is Blodwyn Godwin a bit of treacle short of the full clootie?) Anyhow, where are all the completed profile forms after Sunny's gone to all this trouble? Why amn't I scouring keenly through a pile of blogging boddachs' details?
Annie B from Lone Sheiling
I notice Mike went very quiet about the glamorous Aberdonian just before he left. Is she the reason he has abandoned the Isles? Does Graham know her? Is this the sort of debate we are looking for?
calumanimal from Dun Blogging
Happy Dating! [Your User Name] Its a shame to waste it [Witty One Liner] Well i never thought I'd resort to this [Upload photo here] Somewhere between George Clooney and Russell Grant (thats a wide scale) Island: No Man is an Island, although some are rocks. Age: Is a concept by which you measure your ability to hold a conversation about contemporary music. Star Sign: Who Cares? Born in the the year of the Duck-billed platypus. Height: Haven't you noticed that the Glasgow Underground is built by Glaswegians for Glaswegians. Delete as appropriate Body Type: A few Extra Pound - probably this, though would like to meet the version of myself who isn't that one in the photos Looks: Average - though women find Angus Deayton attractive so it the international standard unit of what men look like needs a lot of revision. Drinking Habits; Try not to let it be an important aspect in my life, but if there's a good time going well why not! Smoking Habits: no thanks. Monks are flammable. Marital Status: Single but still functioning in most departments (probably need to be road tested) Have Children: Unfortunately not because the family tax credits are useful to have Want Children: How could you not want one. Who wants to be that little box on a family tree without other little boxes coming out of it. Looking for: That chapter in my autobiography in which it all works out. More about you: What is that men are? What is it that women hope men should be. Hopefully something worthy of discovery. Like the south pole but not quite so cold (Watch out for the Norwegians, they eat their huskies (is that true) Your Ideal Match: More intelligent than me, better looking than me, smaller than me. An ability to be happy with a roof over your head and food in your belly rather than a trip to IKEA every weekend. Dowry Demands: Likeable parents without overdemanding notions about prospective S in Ls Dowry Offer: Small part of Argyll Important! This field MUST be filled in: Would you describe yourself as any of the following: Mad Wacky Zany Bunny Boiler Comb Over Collector of fluffy toys People have to take me as they find me! All of the above This can be a yes or no answer. NO, and i'm not Bubbly whatever that is, though I don't know what the male equivalent is. If you fancy your chances leave a message below
New to this scene from Seven Hebrides for Seven Hebrothers
Application for One's Ideal Partner: Witty One Liner: Who's up for the Tunnel of Love? Island? Yes I own several. Age Think Heinz varieties Star sign: On the cusp Height: Shorthouse Body type: Lean and hungry Looks: Silhouette like the FA cup Drinking Habits: Cherry brandy Smoking habits: Leave all that to wife. Marital status: Living with a horse Want children? Yes for Dad's scheme Ideal Match: Highclere v An Argentinian select. Dowry: Offer 1x Aston Martin and half of Cornwall. One liner: People have to take me as they find me.
charles prince esq from on another planet
Ahm nae guid wi' fancy forms. Calum does aw them for me. I wan a bride. Ay smell a bit but ah've a hairt of gold. Hope this does the trick?
calumannabel's cousin Donald from Eoropie Bochan
I was very glad to have typed "hebridean love" into that most popular of search engines, to find your estemmed blog. Please try it for yourself, this is surely a breakthrough in inter-hebridean love since Calmac stopped serving oysters on lunchtime sailings. JZ
JZ from inner hebrides
Chrissie Mary’s asked me to send this in for her. She’s very tired now and having a lie down. Your User Name: Chrissie Mary Murray. [Witty One Liner] Everyone laughed when Annie’s Aunty Morag said that ‘You’ll have had your tea then’ was a traditional Fife welcome when visitors called. [Upload photo here] Too shy for snaps. Island: Lewis. Age: Somewhere between a lassie and a cailleach. Star Sign: I’ve seen some blue signs with yellow stars on them. They're my favourite signs with stars. They mean that people have got money from Europe. They are mostly Morrisons. Height: Higher than a sheep. Body Type: Human being. Looks: Sometimes get funny ones from people. Drinking Habits: I usually use a mug from Charlie Barley’s with a lovely picture of Crobeag Farm on it. I like my tea from a brown pot. It’s a very old teapot and came from a shop in South Dell called Effie Murray’s. Smoking Habits: I like smoked fish. I put a saithe in the fire once and left it but it just got burnt. So that didn’t work. Roddie John said that you should flake the fish and wrap the bits in something called a Rizla paper and light the end and suck but that didn’t work either. Sometimes we get kippers from the van. I like them. Marital Status: Spinster of Ness parish. Have Children: No. Want Children: Could we play games together? I like Operation and Cleurdo. Cleurdo is a great game about a murder in Lochs. Last time we played it Purple Heather did the murder in the byre with the fishing line. Annie says that Purple Heather is a bisom and she wasn’t surprised. Looking for: New cromacks for my collection. Definitely not shellfish. I had a Nasty Experience looking for them. More about you: I liked the cardboard hats and drinking soap in the hospital after my Nasty Experience. Your Ideal Match: Annie says 6 numbers in the Lottery (or 5 and a bonus ball) Dowry Demands / Dowry Offer: What shall I put about this Annie? Important! This field MUST be filled in: Collector is the nearest description to fit me, but I don’t collect fluffy toys. Annie says they’re scary and that there’s a toy lamb in the Northern Isles that’s come to life. And now there’s a big cow that stands up on its hind legs and poses for snaps. And a big dog. And Keith from Harris has a big talking duck. And. It’s time for my medication now.
Annie B from Lone Sheiling
What sort of person for goodness sake types Hebridean love into a search engine. It's like typing blood free marac, salt free puffin, handsome men from Harris or geniuses from Lochs. I think JZ may be one of us - welcome aboard may we call you 'J'?
Calumaffable from Stonoway Station left luggage office
There's two types of people in the world, those that admit that they've typed stuff into search engines, and those who don't admit it. I believe that if you type in the exact right combination of words you will find the key to existence, or perhaps a good offer on sofas.
JZ from third rock from Stornoway
We could start with the key to Spam tins and work up from there to the key to existence.
Annie B from Lone Sheiling
The key to existence is normally hid under the doormat. Spam must be the one of the 4 letter words with the most anagrams: Spam Amps Maps Pams (many women called pam together) Though of course STAR is a good one too Star rats arts tsar tars (lots of different kinds of tar) I wonder how many spam tin induced deaths there have been in the UK since the beginning of Spam. Of course there is always the question of what Spam really means.? What is the meaning of Spam.. Off to eat my Spam foccacia with olives and rocket
The waste of seas from From the lone shieling of the misty island
If you need a tetnus shot after tackling a tin of spam can you imagine the carnage trying to open the tin of existence! does existence have spam type qualities? If they still kept spam in a tin with razor sharp edges and a key would my inbox only have wanted e-mail in it. Is this the sort of spam philosophy you are looking for?
Sunny from Arran, Costa Clyde
We are offering a four year course in Spam Studies, which covers all the relevant areas of Spam ideology, practical Spamatics, Spam theology, Spam philosophy and of course first aid for severe arterial wounding. It is thought that the Holy Grail is in fact opened by a spam like key, and thus explains why it has been so elusive. Especially when mother shouts "Timmy, watch your self on that Grail, you'll get a hell of a skelf from that sharp bit". Yours Pamety Pam, "Spam Studies, a degree with a difference: Recognised by the civil service as a useful degree like peace studies, european studies, or sorry Art history (o god I've offended the whole of Starbucks staff).
Emeritus professor of Spam Studies from University of Kirkintilloch
Spam is a state of mind it is not a product. It is a lifestyle statement, an ideal to aspire to. It is evocative elevating and several points on a Weightwatcher Diet. Symbiotic Potion Artistic Motion - time for medication Calum this won't hurt. Thank you nurse. Things are getting on top of me.
calumental from ward 15 secure unit barvas penitentiary
What exactly are you offering on sofas?
Foxy from Nearer than you think
What am I offering on Sofa's. Well under the 91Èȱ¬'s blog code, I am unable to describe. I hope other agnostics will join our growing band of angry, violent testosterone filled men who are willing to reek vengance on the world because they don't understand our faith, well I mean lack of faith, well perhaps we do believe a bit. As part of our belief system we find it highly irritating if anyone draws pictures of the deity that we don't quite know whether we believe in or not. Especially if they draw them with a beard, because it could be a woman yunno.
Jeremiah Zebidiah (JZ) from Fundamental extremist Agnostic
My Grandad's name was Jeremiah! That must make me a great theologian. If the great archtect does exist could it be a Godwinian tin of SPAM!. I think it was Pythagoras or some other smarty pants like that who said," I believe in God because if he does exist then I'll be sorry I didn't and if he doesn't exist it doesn't matter, it's a case of covering your bets." Ok he didn't say those exact words, it's put a bit more high fullutingly but that's the jist, and It coulda been Einstien. So maybe the spam comment wasn't such a good idea? And can anyone trully know exactly what they are offering on sofas? Haven't we all asked ourselves that question? Is this the sort of meaty theology you are looking for?
Sunnysocrates from The Temple of Art, Arran
JZd everyone else, you're all off on a tangent to the land of Spam, which is all well and good but can we please have some more profiles so we can start matching you up? So far it's mainly women and contrary to Stephens blog that's not the sort of love I'm looking for!
Somnulent from Arran, Costa Clyde
Looking for a partner. Man of few words. People say I have the wisdom of Godwin and physically think of Judge John Deed with dungarees and you'de be pretty close. Can you sort something out for me? Have own tank and septic teeth and often get mixed up when talking about myself.
Calum Gillies from Desert Island Cottage, South Dell
Someone suggested Sam between their toes. We find chopped ham and pork cut into small triangles is ideal if we're painting our toe nails. And by grilling it afterwards you kill all the germs and are left with a nice TV snack.
Hamish and Fiona Craddock from p42 Doughnuts like Fanny's 91Èȱ¬ Publications 1952
Sunny asked about profiles NOT nail files, but the comments on this blog are catching up with the ever-growing 'Is there Life on Harris' epic (Calumannabel - December). Hoping for some more profiles - starting with Sam Betweenthetoes (pare it again Sam). In the meantime better get the McWhirter brothers on standby.....
Annie B from Lone Sheiling
General Gillies, Your own Tank! Fancy a date in the sun? I'm dropping over to Iran for a few days and the extra artillary would come in awfully handy. You sound like a meglomaniac after me own heirt!
Condoleeza from ACME Paddy Field Products Inc.
What do you mean you're a man of few words Calum? I've seen that Harris blog! And that's more words than your Donald (who sounds frighteningly like my last boyfriend)! Does Sam Betweenthetoes have the same foot scraping parmasan qualities as my Uncle Airchie? Does JZ's religeous confusion run to knowing if he's eligable for the fank? Is that Foxy's idea of a profile? Annie, do you think this is the best we're going to have to choose from? Is this the sort of anst you are looking for?
Somewhat bewildered to be back from High Spam Dependancy Ward, Arran
Hello Sunny Boy ( I assume you are male, don't know why yet ) I'm Karla Weigh, of French Polish origin, but now in the City of Inverneeiiss. Very cultured the citizens are too--you should visit Hilton on a Saturday night. My age--I'm about to reach the sell-by date every week. I've got a bit of puppy fat around the hips, but I suppose I could squeeze into the Dell fank after a good rub with 3-in-1 oil. I had a brief fling with someone in Hull who used it quite a lot--the fling ended abruptly last week after i found out that he'd been boxing clever with some other Goddess--something to do with a temple anyway.Shame on you, Iain! Apart from my right side being taller than the left ( I carry my Polish Spirit Bottle in my left pocket ), I suppose I'm good looking--a stunner, indeed. When I was younger, I did a stint at a factory down the Longman Estate, which was owned by somebody who performed with Jethro Tull--why he liked to go on stage reeking of fish is way beyond me. Anyway, I did a fair amount of smoking there, mostly salmon.I'm still single, especially when I buy a bus ticket, and love kiddies, when they're in photos.If I make the Dell fank of it, I'll be looking for an old bodach with 100 rams (That way they can't go forth and multiply, but can be sold for some needed gold, am I right?). I would expect him to be able to have a conversation with me in a few lingos, such as "How are you, my dear?", "Wie geht's", mein leibe?", "Ciamar a tha thu, a ghraidh?" etc. while he took me on a much needed world cruise, stopping off at Sulasgeir of course. I've heard so much about the gugas, and having to go over there in the hunting season, shouting "Delly-Ho". Would it not be easier to have them domesticated, running around the ranches up there, till the time was ripe for the executioner to strike. They probably wouldn't stay too long when they realised that the peculiar odour coming from Agnes Ann Morrison's abode was "one of us". I got a shock the only time I travelled there before now--I asked the girl in the Ullapool office for a ticket, and she asked me, "Where to?" I still haven't fathomed out where the other stops are, apart from Stornoway. Anyway, I'll be there in August, when I hope the peats will be hard enough to sit on. Karla
Karla Weigh from Inverneeiiss
Arran ExPat wandering the world, residing in Cyprus for now with the odd visit home.
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