IF ONLY, A CRUEL CHOICE, BUT TIME IS A GREAT HEALER, ISN'T IT?
Posted: Wednesday, 25 June 2008 |
Regrets? Making the right decision
Making the wrong decision,
Taking the wrong call,
Being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Is life down to just the Role of the Dice
or does fate really take a hand?
Life, as we know, holds many twists and turns,
happiness and sadness, love and laughter
loss and grief.
Regrets? yes I've had a few, but then again too few to mention.
If only's? Oh yes, my friends, I've had more than my fair share of them..
Fate? Yes, well, okay, fate has intervened in my life on several occasions.
Wrong decisions? eeeerrrrr, enough said about that FOR NOW...
We all have choices to make, decisions to take, but sometimes our life is changed forever and we are left with nothing but soul searching, regrets and the need to turn back the clock....
IF ONLY THIS
IF ONLY THAT
IF, IF, IF, IF
Forever, we will berate ourselves with...
IF ONLY....
In the news recently has been the tragic story of my former tutor, Ian Clayton, a TV presenter, writer and poet. Ian also gave his time to teaching creative writing, which is how I got to know him.
A very talented man, who shared his talents with many people always inspiring and encouraging. A man full of laughter, fun, interesting stories and anecdotes. Ian loved life, he loved music, especially the late, great jazz singer, Billie Holiday.
Ian was immensely proud of his two children, nine year old twins, a boy, Edward and a little girl who he named after his idol, Billie Holiday. They frequently appeared on television with Ian and these two beautiful children were his and his partner Heather's greatest joy.
However, one fateful day....
Ian took his 9 year old twins on an adventure, canoeing on the River Wye in Wales.
The idyllic family outing over the Easter school break turned to tragedy when
they took a wrong turn in the river. Suddenly the water became extremely fast flowing and the canoe collided with a tree and capsized.
Ian and his twins were thrown into the icy waters of the Wye and suddenly found themselves at the mercy of the fast-moving river.
All were wearing life jackets, yet when Bille was thrown from the canoe, she was caught in the rapids and become submerged.
A snap decision had to be taken
An agonising choice
Which child should Ian choose?
Could he save one child, could he save both
or did he run the risk of losing both?
Ian rescued his son who was desperately clinging to the branches of a tree in the river.
Billie was nowhere to be seen.
An horrendous situation for any parent.
A cruel choice....
Edward who was alive and clinging to a tree,
But should he leave Edward and swim for Billie?
Ian could save Edward by dragging him to the bank, the child clung desperately to Ian's neck, almost strangling him, but pleading,
"please save my sister"..
Billie and Edward's mother was waiting on the banks of the river for her children and Ian to return.
Billie never returned.
Ian rescued Edward, went back into the water for Billie, but despite his own frantic search efforts he could find no sign of her.
It was only when rescuers arrived on the scene later that her lifeless body was pulled from the water. She was airlifted to Hereford Hospital and pronounced dead.
At the inquest into Billie's death, Ian wept, grief stricken, saying...
"Did I make the right decision?, I suppose I will never know...
It鈥檚 difficult to tell you how much we miss Billie. People tell you that time is a great healer and it鈥檚 not"
Life, eh?
Full of choices, decisions,
wrong turns,
right turns
being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
and so many IF ONLY'S
Billie Holiday Clayton.
The school holidays begin this weekend,
All across Britain, from Scottish Lochs to Cumbrian Lakes
East Coast, South Coast, West Coast and the far North
children will be playing on the water, in the water, having fun, the time of their lives.
Building sand castles, jumping into rivers, fishing, sailing
doing the things that children do in the long hot days of summer.
Some will get into mischief, most children do...
but
I hope and pray that this summer, no other parent, including myself, has to visit the hospital and say those words....
IF ONLY...
Making the wrong decision,
Taking the wrong call,
Being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Is life down to just the Role of the Dice
or does fate really take a hand?
Life, as we know, holds many twists and turns,
happiness and sadness, love and laughter
loss and grief.
Regrets? yes I've had a few, but then again too few to mention.
If only's? Oh yes, my friends, I've had more than my fair share of them..
Fate? Yes, well, okay, fate has intervened in my life on several occasions.
Wrong decisions? eeeerrrrr, enough said about that FOR NOW...
We all have choices to make, decisions to take, but sometimes our life is changed forever and we are left with nothing but soul searching, regrets and the need to turn back the clock....
IF ONLY THIS
IF ONLY THAT
IF, IF, IF, IF
Forever, we will berate ourselves with...
IF ONLY....
In the news recently has been the tragic story of my former tutor, Ian Clayton, a TV presenter, writer and poet. Ian also gave his time to teaching creative writing, which is how I got to know him.
A very talented man, who shared his talents with many people always inspiring and encouraging. A man full of laughter, fun, interesting stories and anecdotes. Ian loved life, he loved music, especially the late, great jazz singer, Billie Holiday.
Ian was immensely proud of his two children, nine year old twins, a boy, Edward and a little girl who he named after his idol, Billie Holiday. They frequently appeared on television with Ian and these two beautiful children were his and his partner Heather's greatest joy.
However, one fateful day....
Ian took his 9 year old twins on an adventure, canoeing on the River Wye in Wales.
The idyllic family outing over the Easter school break turned to tragedy when
they took a wrong turn in the river. Suddenly the water became extremely fast flowing and the canoe collided with a tree and capsized.
Ian and his twins were thrown into the icy waters of the Wye and suddenly found themselves at the mercy of the fast-moving river.
All were wearing life jackets, yet when Bille was thrown from the canoe, she was caught in the rapids and become submerged.
A snap decision had to be taken
An agonising choice
Which child should Ian choose?
Could he save one child, could he save both
or did he run the risk of losing both?
Ian rescued his son who was desperately clinging to the branches of a tree in the river.
Billie was nowhere to be seen.
An horrendous situation for any parent.
A cruel choice....
Edward who was alive and clinging to a tree,
But should he leave Edward and swim for Billie?
Ian could save Edward by dragging him to the bank, the child clung desperately to Ian's neck, almost strangling him, but pleading,
"please save my sister"..
Billie and Edward's mother was waiting on the banks of the river for her children and Ian to return.
Billie never returned.
Ian rescued Edward, went back into the water for Billie, but despite his own frantic search efforts he could find no sign of her.
It was only when rescuers arrived on the scene later that her lifeless body was pulled from the water. She was airlifted to Hereford Hospital and pronounced dead.
At the inquest into Billie's death, Ian wept, grief stricken, saying...
"Did I make the right decision?, I suppose I will never know...
It鈥檚 difficult to tell you how much we miss Billie. People tell you that time is a great healer and it鈥檚 not"
Life, eh?
Full of choices, decisions,
wrong turns,
right turns
being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
and so many IF ONLY'S
Billie Holiday Clayton.
The school holidays begin this weekend,
All across Britain, from Scottish Lochs to Cumbrian Lakes
East Coast, South Coast, West Coast and the far North
children will be playing on the water, in the water, having fun, the time of their lives.
Building sand castles, jumping into rivers, fishing, sailing
doing the things that children do in the long hot days of summer.
Some will get into mischief, most children do...
but
I hope and pray that this summer, no other parent, including myself, has to visit the hospital and say those words....
IF ONLY...
Comments
What a very sad story,squidgy,it must have been hell for the poor couple and for the twin who survived! what queqtions will he ask at a later age? why was i saved?why did my sister die? tragic. As you say ''if only''----like you i pray no other parents will go through this ordeal,but sadly as we both know,with the holiday season upon us there will br tragic accidents-some which could have been avoided,but others sadly a course of nature:xx
carol from over here
Well that puts things in perspective now doesn't it, it is a travesty not tragedy that I can't get booked on the Coll ferry this Saturday my fault for not making the decision to go earlier [watching the pennies] it took the sudden death of a young man my age to make me realise once more that this is not a practice run, every so often something happens to make us take a long look at our selves before bit by bit we are drawn back to the 60hr week to pay the tax man, my heart goes out to Billie's family no one should go through that.
Finlay Mackay from Scotland
Like Sophie's Choice, it's the choosing that has an even greater and longer-lasting impact than the death itself, almost. Who can fail to sympathise with anyone in that position? Truly sad.
Jill from EK
Truly truly sad Squidgy,
Ac from Coll
How many times have we heard the saying " being in the wrong place at the wrong time". I used to believe that things happened for a reason, like when you are buying a house, and it all falls through, people will say, "Oh, it happened for a reason". What reason is that I wonder? Oh, I know, you lost that house, so you will go on to find a better, bigger house, and live happily ever after. I don't think so. I don't understand life anymore, it seems that only the young, the beautiful, the good and the kind people are taken from us. Look at the female soldier killed recently, a beautiful young woman with her whole life in front of her. Anyway, thank you for your comments, and Finlay, I hope you are able to get to Coll soon, remember we do have aeroplanes now !! Do drop by the Squidgery, opposite the Post Office and behind the Cafe. Right, I'm orf to chase those flaming gulls eating all the tiny mealworms I've put out for my robins. The greedy B*g*ers !!.
Squidgy the Otter from Right place, wrong time
Just lost for words
Wild Freckle from Mull
How utterly heartbreaking. Going to check my own two an extra time tonight. Sometimes we don't realise what we have. My heart truly goes out to that poor family...My words are lost...
IL from harris
Last night on TV was a programme about Sarah Payne, a little girl who was snatched and murdered by a paedophile. With great dignity and courage, her mum Sara relived the fateful hours leading up to Sarah's disappearance. Sara said of her 8 year old daughter that she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes I think of all those who lost their lives in the twin towers on 9/11. Or the bombings in London, 7th July, So many what ifs and if only's, if only I had stayed in bed, if only I had missed the bus, if only that meeting had been cancelled. I am sure that we all say the same things to ourselves when tragedy hits, if only, what if? if I'd only done that, if I'd not done this, if, if, if. Such a small word, IF, but in many respects, the biggest word in the world.
Squidgy the Otter from Feeling the Payne
Ian did what he did. I don't think choice enters into the equation. May I never be in such a situation.
mjc from NM,USA
Thank you for your comments. Think now that the weather has improved, I can get out and about with my camera. I have recently been to Oban and visited, Luing, Easdale Island and Seil. Had a lovely seafood meal at Ee Usk, a new, very fabulous restaurant in Oban with a charming owner. Just loaded up my heath robinson type bird feeding station with fatballs and coconuts and have been working so hard in the garden, the lawn is growing a mile a minute. So tonight its relaxation, roast salmon and a chilled glass of white wine, feet up, and Big Brother. Tara for now. xxx
Squidgy the Otter from Isle of Coll
To whatever your name is, since it certainly is not Squidgy the Otter, I am the only person reading this that is shocked, sickened and appalled that you find it neccessary to post such a harrowing and rather personal story of another human beings loss and suffering, on a blog site of all places, to try and show how intelligent, how learned, how caring, prophetic, philisophiocal you think you are. This is an undignified post and I believe that you should be ashamed of yourself and have proven that you are neither of the above with this post.
Alistair Brown from Isle Of Wight
hello AC--whats news? are you settling down ok in your new home??
carol from in the garden
I echo Carol's question and AC's comment
Dozza from Northumberland
To Alistair Brown from Isle of Wight, Yes you very probably are this post was written as a tribute to an obviously much loved, much missed little girl and also to her father hence the descriptive prose. Grief is expressed in numerous ways as Kubler-Ross wrote and yes I have comforted bereaved relatives and talking about their loved ones does help!
JFM from Scotland
"I am the only person reading this that is shocked, sickened and appalled ..." Alistair Brown, perhaps you are too good for the rest of us mortals to comprehend? Personally, I would not have mentioned names, but then I can be a stickler for privacy. # Moral dilemmas are worth considering at times. In the case Squidgy mentioned, I can hardly believe the father had time to think, deliberate and choose. I don't think Squidgy provides us with a good moral dilemma. # Once a teacher asked us to consider what we would do if we were faced with the instantaneous decison/choice of killing a child - a stranger - crossing the street or hitting a wall and probably killing oneself. It's worth pondering what we would do, which would be quite automatic. You or "the other." Such dilemmas happened in the second world war when some folks had to make a snap decision: to help Jews and others in immediate danger and thus to risk death or imprisonment not only for oneself but for one's family, or to deny help ("give me an hour to think it over" not being an option). I have read that often those instantaneous choices are a function of one's upbringing: an automatic reaction. What must be done gets done, quasi inevitably.
mjc from NM,USA
Alistair Brown from the Isle of Wight, I hope you have read the rules regarding posting bogus blogs, as all IP addresses are now being noted. This story was in every newspaper, on the National news for many days, so perhaps you could get on to the Editors of newpapers, producers of news programmes and tell them not to publish news of children being stabbed to death, soldiers being blown up, dogs being locked in rooms until they are starved to death, etc. etc. All harrowing stories, all in the public domain. I thought the idea of doing a blog was to write about things which have affected you, interest you, which the blogger enjoyed or disliked, the list goes on. I wrote this, because I was profoundly affected by the death of this little girl, as I am always affected each summer when a child dies in a loch or swept to sea on an inflatable, or as happened recently digging a sandcastle only to have it collapse and kill the child. Reported in the National News and in the National newspapers. My own child is going away to the Spanish Mountains without me, maybe that is what prompted the blog, subconsciously worried. Anyone who knows me, and I include many of my blogging colleagues, knows how much I care for the welfare of children and animals. Anyone who knows me knows I would defend a child to the last. Anyone who knows me, you, whoever you are, do not know me. To everyone else, thank you for your comments and for enquiring about AC. She is well, and working very hard. Thank you again. Perhaps I should lighten up and stick to photos of beaches, flowers and sunsets !!!
Squidgy the Otter from Isle of Tiree at the moment
Even in the midst of harrowing pain, Ian and his partner Heather, have set up a charity, Billie's Violin Trust, which will provide lessons in musical instruments for children. .....People find strength in doing something GOOD, something POSITIVE, I admire them both so very much. Here is the text of their fund raiser. .... .... "A very special evening of entertainment and music with Yorkshire Television's Ian Clayton to celebrate the publication of his latest book Bringing it Back 91热爆. The evening will include Ian performing a number of stories from the book interspersed with musical interludes. with a number of special guests providing an eclectic mix of blues, jazz, music hall and soul accompaniment. All profits from the evening will go to Billie's Violin Trust, a charity set up by Ian Clayton and his partner, Heather Parkinson, to provide musical instruments and music lessons to school children in memory of their daughter Billie Holiday Clayton.
Squelshy the Otter from 72 hours of solid rain (in a tent?)
AB of IofW - I cannot believe you dare to write your comments on this site - you obviously have no insight to these Island bloggings, what life is like here, the people etc - if you read Squidgy's previous postings, you cannot fail to see how she write's from the heart, from her own experiences and from life itself - we all deal with tragedies in our own way - every day, every minute there is a tragedy in this world - some makes the headlines, most we do not hear - if you read the blog properly you may wish to rethink your comments. Squidy -dont stop your wonderful words - they speak volumes for the rest of us who are unable to express ourselves as we would wish
Wild Freckle from Soggy Mull
Thank you for your support Wild Freckle, I did have a sleepless night thinking about AB of IofW's comments, which I did find rather harsh. However, as A. Brown has never commented (?) on my blogs before, he may not have read earlier postings, where I do tend to wear my heart on my sleeve somewhat. This particular blog was very difficult to write because I had been a student in Ian's writing classes and had heard him speak of his love for his twins, and tell little stories about what they got up to, their interests and asperations. Therefore when this tragic news broke, I and many other people in Ian's writing group were totally shocked and devastated. Having said that, my blog actually started out as "A Tale of Two Dads", one being Ian who loves his children dearly, and the other was of a dad who, after his wife had left him, went off with his two small children. And well, I won't go into what this particular dad did in order to get back at his errant wife. My blog was also intended to convey the fragility of life, and how happiness can suddenly be snatched away. Anyway, somewhere along the lines, the blog became focused on just one dad, and it obviously has given somewhat of an unbalanced view. On the positive side, I actually now welcome Mr. Brown's comments because it has made me look more inside myself and discover why I get so upset over children and animals. Thank you all again.
Squidgy the Otter from Heart on the sleeve !
just continue as usual,squidgy we all enjoy your blogsxx
carol from the usual place
Squidgy, don't lose sleep on account of rogue comments ...! Unfortunately, they have their right to express themselves, as do we, which is why IBHQ allowed their comment to be posted ...I found your account moving, and thought-provoking, which I think was exactly what you tried to do, and exactly as it should be ...
soaplady from just catching up ...
Dear Squidgy,I hope you will save a bit of your upsetness for me and Marmers who are, as we squeak, in Durance Vile (Big Cage) with no end in sight...*sigh* Luckily we have access to a laptop and would like to echo the non-Brownian comments on your beautifully-written blog.
Flying Cat from gazing wistfullythrough the bars
Are you on holiday FC and Marmers? Maybe on a cat-a-maran perchance? Oh no, not the boarding cattery whilst the FPU and MPU's go on their jollies. Have fun xxx
Squidgy the Otter from Wondering where...?
Well we wouldn't thank you for the cat-a-maran trip Squidgy, so I suppose Big Cage is preferable...sort of. Don't get me wrong, Mrs Shiel is very nice to us (particularly moi, cos I am so cuddly) but its not home...
Flying Cat from show me the way to go home
Oh FC - hope its not too bad - pepper is going on her holidays next week for a few days whilst we venture into the Highlands - stress pills have been ordered - she suffers from feline stress cysistis - I hate doing it but we have no choice - cant take her with us cant leave her behind as she wouldnt like strangers! She has been on hols before and seemed to enjoy it - hope you are having a good time. Oh Squidy - your blog did make me chuckle - you sound so like me! Mr Tango I can just picture! We were due to camp this year but my aging bones are starting to groan a bit - him indoors agreed (arm round his back) and has relented andbought a little touring caravan - we hope to venture our on to the Isles - watch out for us!
Wild Freckle from Soggy Mull
Fine blog, Squidgy, tho' a sensitive subject. Water and accidents are very close together - you can't have one without the other. And it is just chance that lets one family off and grimly punishes another. You can prepare all you like but there is always a hidden factor that can disrupt evrything in an instant. I think we have to be to some extent fatalistic about this in order to enjoy life to the full. After all, life is the mirror of death and vice versa. No life, no death, no death, no life. Personally I find the thought of what's behind the curtain rather exciting (except I don't really expect to find anything at all - but there just might be something). I believe it's not death but dying that most people fear. Having said all that, my heart goes out to the bereaved family - who can imagine the pain of a lost child?
Barney from Swithiod late again but trying
Wild Freckle I do hope you get to the Isles, and hope too that you are good at reversing with a caravan on the tow ball, as sometimes you have to reverse quite a way down the pier and onto the boat (especially Tiree to Coll) however, it does depend on the size of the boat !!
Squidgy the Otter from Windy Coll
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