Bring On The Change!
Posted: Tuesday, 05 August 2008 |
4 comments |
Warning...I don`t think this is really a man`s kinda blog today...being about what used to be whispered as `women`s troubles`....so they might want to quit and walk away now, hee hee..
(Good grief! On the news this morning, a certain London deparment store has already stocked their store with Christmas stuff! What`s the matter with folks!? Did summer whizz by and I blinked and missed it? Sheesh....)
Well, lassies, you know how it is...that time of the month creeps up on you, and to be fair, I`m a fairly low key woman where that is concerned, never usually any bother at all besides the odd twinge and a craving for stodgy biscuits....*blushes*
But oh man! Last night the killer cramps kicked in and are still here this morning and BRING ON THE CHANGE OF LIFE because this is ruddy awful....*grumps*
What eejit designed the human body to be this way, huh? It`s faulty. I wanna refund! Or better still, a trade-in. I want one that works the way it says on the tin it`s supposed to.
No glitches, no dents or knocks or scratches, no defects or proneness to breaking down if the batteries run out...and if it can knock twenty years off as well, I`d be happy! :D
I used to say to folks (cos, well, I`ve had some pretty strange conversations in my time, y`know?) nature messed up. Sure, we get pain in order to alert us to something being wrong, but what use was that to the cavemen, huh? Who had almost zero ability to do anything about it.
Or was that nature looking ahead, a forward thinking, upwardly mobile wifie sitting somewhere at a drawing board thinking "Well, if I build in this/that/the other thing NOW, it`ll save me having to remodel later, I mean, ok, it`ll be aeons before the units can respond efficiently to these rather spiffy alerts I build in, but what the heck...."
Then she goes and gives us pain, or rather the poor caveman/wifie, pain, without giving us the knowledge to know precisely what is causing that pain (it`s only recently in history, yes? that we discovered `referred pain`, which means you get a cavity in your tooth and your foot hurts.....)
and there is the poor cavewoman sitting of a night, gnawing happily on a mammoth spare rib, watching the pictures in the fire (which would actually be an improvement on some modern soaps, sorry beeb) when WHAM! Out of the blue, period cramps. Oh aye, the joys and wonderment of nature.....*grumbles*
C`mon nature, admit it..ye screwed up! Ye created faulty goods, with so many glitches in them that if we were able to take ye to court for compensation you would be bankrupt within an hour!
I mean, aging...what`s the use of that, huh? Just as our mind actually begins to grow up and appreciate life, the body betrays us by breaking down by degrees, getting ever more creaky, joints going, speed and agility going and don`t even mention flexibility!
The hair goes grey...why? What`s the point? Is it a marker in nature for the killer prey of those stone age days (who were probably all colour blind anyway), an arrowhead pointing right down above said caveman or woman going, "Here ye go, lookit the grey one! This`ll never be able to run away, hey fella, almost a free snack right here! Come and get it! All ye can eat!"?
And hey nature, don`t give me that rubbish about women needing that layer of fat around the middle for some obscure, crucial reason! Because it`s a fine line, according to the advanced medical bigwigs of today, (not so far removed from the Stone Age in my opinion) because just a tad over so many inches of waistline is liable to kill us with cholesterol and other goodies, so nope, not buying that `essential fat` tripe (see what I did there? To borrow a phrase from the wonderfully eloquent TWS, I made a joke, hee)
Anyway, they do say now, slim is best, exercising yourself almost to death is best, because we no longer have to run away from dinosaurs or chase after wild ox for the Saturday night barbeque....we are LAZY, people, compared to our illustrious, heavy set ancestors...
I will remember that the next time I collapse, knackered, into bed after spending all day working/plus doing housework/plus dealing with paperwork which, by the way, is a hundred times worse than being chased by dinosaurs....
Nope, I remain unconvinced..far from being the pinnacle of evolution that we are touted to be, I figure we are defective, faulty, badly built bits of rubbish that nature, in her wisdom, threw together as an afterthought to feed other things in the food chain and fill a gap.
Though, doesn`t it say so much about our own inbuilt tenacity, that we made it so far, huh? *big happy grin*
Well, I hope everyone has a fine and bonny day, despite the glum but soothingly pretty weather, all soft cloud and light sea breeze, no summer at all today but a hint of autumn, crisp and sharp to the senses.
Me? I`m going to wrap a hot water bottle in a towel, hug it to the offending area and find a vintage movie to shove on tv...and maybe nibble on a choccy biscuit or two....
Posted on Hermit Life at 07:15
Comments
PMS and the pains - to make you glad that you're not spewing up an pregnant. Fat on the waistline - to make you happier when you get ill - you have a safety net. Grey hair is a deficiency of vitamin B12. but the real reason God gave us these ailments - COS MEN COULDN'T HANDLE THEM....
scallowawife from lookin up her notes
Expressive as ever, Hermit. I'm just hoping that when I get to that 'uncertain age' the cycle will be easier to cope with, but from all the evidence to hand I am not betting on it! And as for grey hairs, I'm basing my hair colouring on downstairs cat - tortoiseshell, I'll leave the grey to Mia, she suits it better.
jas from under Mia's paw
God created woman and is to blame for the pains, A goddess created Feminax Pain Killers and should be thanked for all time for it :)
Me, I've had some killler periods and having a mad cycle at the moment as well, it;s something in the air perchance, lack of summer maybe !
GerCelt from Dublin, Ireland
I too tried to comment - well it was what I thought was a very amusing story regarding an open letter written by an american woman to Proctor and Gamble, on the oxymoronic subject of having 'A Happy Period' ... However, as I included a web url to the full text, I suppose that's what it objected to ... :-)
I also recommended co-codamol, or Feminax :-)
soaplady from spammed again ...
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