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That`s just a fact, we do....
so meself and Mrs Sanday Housewife took oorselves off tae mainland on the ferryboat ...cannae even remember what day that wis!...that is how guid a time we had...(or it could chust be auld age...*blushes*) and spent three days on mainland, thon wild and dangerous place ower the water frae this tiny wee island ca`d Sanday....
Aside frae the cauld, the journey in and back wasnae too bad, nae raging seas, nae winds, woohoo! (ye can tell I`m no` liking the winds ower much, right?) and we went tae bide wi` me daughter and her family, puir long suffering souls they are wha deserve a medal for putting up wi` us...because yours truly and Mrs Sanday Housewife are chust the worst pair o` gigglers ye ever met...
seriously...half o` it is undoubtedly doon tae being an insomniac, it kind o steals what little brain ye hae left and replaces it wi that o a five year auld...so the daftest things strike ye as hilarious and total strangers, puir unsuspecting tourists tae mainland Orkney, are detouring widely aroond twa giggling, doubled-ower-wi-it, wimin in the middle o Kirkwall as we looked in the shop window at the bonny amber jewellery there and said "Dae ye think they`d notice if we chust broke the window and took it?" and then, being sleep deprived, actually began to look aroond tae see if there were ony CCTV cameras there!
Noo, dinnae worry folks, that behaviour was only chust the sleeplessness (and the fact yours truly might be reliving her childhood yet again) and we wouldnae really have done onything like that....
it was chust the looks on the faces o` some passers by that got us giggling...
ahem..onyway, that wasnae the half o it...
daughter decides tae tak her mam and her mam`s pal oot for a night on the toon.
Man, isn`t Kirkwall quiet on a Monday night tho!
Deserted streets, nae traffic even....and by the time we left tae gaun back tae the car, yours truly was a wee bit...erm..wobbly...but still giggling....and thon streets were still deserted which is only a guid thing given how I spied the biggest crane I`d ever seen and wondered oot loud if I could hotwire it and tak it hame wi me.....*blushes again*
tae which me daughter, sober, respectable, and nae doubt embarrassed by her mam`s behaviour, telt me tae shush, as CCTV cams also hae microphones...no quite sure if she was kidding, but chust in case, I shut up..eventually, after waving at one o them and cracking up again....

Noo, I hae left oot a guid deal o stuff here for the sake o` propriety...oh dinnae get me wrong, nothing I should be hanging me heid in shame for! But chust stuff o` the kind that has yer bairns shaking their heids at ye and goin "For crying oot loud mam, behave yersel!"
And that is a guarantee that I had a guid time...*winks*

Onyway, in between shopping til we dropped ..well, that`s no true, I could hae shopped for at least another twa days...and rescuing Mrs Sanday Housewife frae an evil spider in the automatic door o one building, I amused the daughter and her family by telling jokes. Hey, at least I thought they were funny...nae idea why naebody else was laughing tho..nae sense o humour some folks...must hae been cos it was sae late, being half one in the morning, like....

See noo, what happens when ye tak a chance on goin tae thon wild place ca`ed mainland Orkney? Chust shouldnae be allowed for us puir, sheltered, innocent ooter north islanders...so let this be a cautionary tale for ye a`....

(am goin back next Monday tae dae it again tho.....)