91热爆

Breaking news at the farm:

I lay down for a wee nap as a soft summer breeze fluffed the curtains and filled the room with the fresh scent of grassy fields and wildflowers. Suddenly a cacophony burst through the window!! "MOOOOOOOOOOOO!! For the LOVE of God MOOOOOOOOOO!!!" roared three fields of very freaked-out cattle.

I jumped from the bed, stuffed my feet in my boots and bolted outside. As I trotted down the driveway I saw that Torf's harem were all bunched together, roaring, as they looked down the farm roadway. "MOOOOOOOOO!!!" they howled as one. The stots in the field alongside of the roadway were boggling as well! So were the heifers that made up Prince Chan's harem at the back of the hoose! Goodness sakes what was going on? King Tut materialized out of the bushes and wound his way around my ankles while adding to the symphany with his meows. I had to scuff my feet in mincing steps like a Geisha in order to avoid trampling him...

I looked down the roadway. Nothing. I looked up and down the public road. Nothing. I scanned the fields to see if a calf was stuck in a fence (or lose?). Nothing. I checked to make sure they had fresh water in their troughs. It was there. So...what was the problem?? I turned around to the roaring coos and said, "What is wrong ladies? What are you trying to tell me? I don't speak Cow!"

"MOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO!!" They replied, urgently.

Finally I had to give up and call Erlend. As I walked away Torf's herd followed me and roared at me as if to say, "Hey STUPID where are you going?? Didn't you hear what we said??"

Erlend's phone rang a second or two and then, "Yeah?" (tractor sounds in background.)

"Hey Err, it's me!" I bellowed into the phone.

"Ok..." Erlend replied, obviously confused.

"Look, there's something wrong with the cattle - everyone seems to be screaming their heads off about something!"

Erlend didn't even miss a beat. "There's a lamb oot in the roadway!" he hollered over the loud tractor rumblings. "I didnae hiv time tae deal wi 'im because I'm raking hay."

I sat there for a second and tried to make sense of the situation. Finally I just blurted out what was on my mind.

"Are you telling me that the cattle are tattling on the lamb???"

"Yeah." Erlend said matter-o-factly, as if cattle always go around telling you what's up. "There's a lamb oot - and they ken."

"Uh...well...uh...ok...I'll go and get the lamb back in." I babbled stupidly as the cattle continued to roar.

"Thanks, babe!" Erlend chirped and hung up his phone. I hung up the house phone and sat there scratching my head for a second or two. Farm animals aren't as dumb as I thought...

When I went back outside I met the full onslaught of Torf's harem: they came racing to the fence and started yelling again. Only this time I could translate the Cow Speak: "THERE'S A LAMB OOT!!!" They led me to the roadway and sat there staring over their fence rather pointedly.

"Ok! Ok!" I said as I opened the gate and headed down the dusty road. Torf's harem mooed their thanks as the stots ran up to meet me along their fenceline. Prince Chan's harem took up the alarm and followed the baffled lamb long their fence line. "He's over here! MOooooooO!!! Come on!!!"

I found one of Blue Bu....er....Blue Gluteus Maximus's shy lambs out on the farm roadway looking a tad bit desparate. "Maaaaaaahhhh!" he wailed. "MOOOOOOOOO!!!" screamed the cattle. The stots escorted me down the roadway tossing their heads and boggling at me to hurry up. Blue Gluteus Maximus's lamb saw me and came running - up to a point. He did screech to a halt when he was too close for comfort.

After fanagling a few gates and herding the lamb into the short roadway and then shutting him in, I was able to return the lamb to his flock and the cattle immedately fell silent. Within minutes about 150 bovine heads settled nose-first into the grass and began to graze away. I walked back into the house with goose-bumps covering every inch of my skin!!

Wow!!