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Seemingly our old friend GrannieE is unable to get blogging rights, despite being an islander in all but the minor detail of residency. At the same time we are told that Madonna is trying to buy an identity from Madlamb. Tch.

I for one want to keep well in with the Curator of the Lofty Peak 'Flour of Scotland' Memorabilia Collection and thought that the attached map of the fank would be useful to her? Nudge nudge. X marks the Fank.



Graham at Blogging Central will probably have heard that Auchenshuggle has moved north and west as a result of climatic changes and continental drift. Its relocation has played havoc with tram enthusiasts in Glasgow.

Is Penrith a Scottish island? Well call me Jeremy and say I'm from Skigersta!

By the way, I must have been in Woolies just after Etta. I caught a great snap of this celeb shopper looking for the Baltic Bookshop to get Hello and a Gazette.



Is it the Zeta Jones woman?

Chrissie Mary and I are getting a bit nervous as the fank is getting ever closer.


We don’t understand any of the personal ads that we’ve read – all this business about NS, WTLM, etc. What does it all mean? We don't want to put the wrong things on our dating cards. We’ve put our thinking bonnets on and come up with our best guesses:


NS – Niseach Singleton; WLTM - Would Like Tractor Motor; GSOH – Got sack of herring; TDH – Tall Dark Hebridean; LTR – Loves Trout Recipes.


Have we got the right idea, or can someone advise us? Hope the fank isn’t like an auction where one twitch out of place might be taken to mean a bid for a totally unsuitable boddach.

We desperately need advice on fank etiquette.

Great news! The film boddach has been so impressed with the idea of knitting at the fank that he’s thinking of casting (on / off?) Tom Hanks in a key role, as yet to be decided.

As a special treat, the Screen Machine will be on tour running a Tom Hanks season with his best known blockbusters - Bonfire of the Valtos, Sleepless in Swainbost, Saving Private Fishing and its controversial sequel the Da Vinci Cod. (N.b. no e additives in this fresh organic version). Other films may be shown if there is enough demand.

The Red Arrow Posties will be doing additional drive past displays wiith full scarlet miasma to promote You've Got Mail, in which Tom took an excellent role playing Roddie John on his rounds of Ness. Eat your heart out Postman Pat.

Mr Hanks told the Gazette’s entertainment correspondent that a fank is like a box of chocolate, you will never know what you are gonna get.

Roddie John the postie called in on his rounds this morning and showed me this lovely snap from Fank International, the global movement for sheep-related dating festivals. Seemingly these handsome chaps wanted to send their fraternal greetings to South Dell's very own matchmaking extravaganza.

The Fank Family home is finished - and just in the nick of time! I can tell you that it's really taken it out of Chrissie Mary and me.

Anyway, here's Seonaid the Sheep exploring the house. You can tell she's come over from the Northern Isles as she's already got away with using the TV remote control.



It's all getting very exciting and the first crowds are starting to arrive to see the celebs moving in.



Seemingly Calum and Donald are going to be on the go alright! Is this what life like in the high encheladas?