91Èȱ¬

Part I

Being originally from Birmingham and moving to Cheltenham in 2005 to begin studying at university I had never before heard of cheese rolling; and when my housemate told me about it I openly laughed in his face.

I don't know if I can accurately recount my initial feelings when first seeing that hill, but I'm pretty sure they went something like this.

"My god! It's not a hill; it's a cliff. People throw themselves down a cliff, after some cheese."

I reiterate: Nutters!

And not just one solitary, underpants on the head, U.F.O's in the sky, mumbling on the street corners style nutter; but hundreds of them.

The bus we had arrived on had been packed; I thought that it was just a busy route, but no; they were all here for the cheese rolling.

The bottom of the hill was so crowded it seemed impossible that we would get anywhere near close enough to see anything of interest; however, a veteran of many a gig I managed to politely nudge and push my way through until we could see most of the hill.

I'm sure it's vertical; if you tilt your head slightly and sort of squint out of your left eye, you can just about see a slight curve to it; just.

Hundreds of people lined the sides of the hill, hanging onto trees to stop themselves taking an impromptu tumble.

Heaving mass

The hill was literally a heaving mass of bodies, separated by a large strip that I could only presume was the rolling area.

There was a lot of movement in the vague shapes at the top of the hill but no cheese or indeed chasers seemed to be forthcoming.

It was cold and muddy and looked like it was about to rain. (Not that I was complaining, it was the others in the group; honest.)

Suddenly; there was a lot of shouting, some vague yelling and a small round shape came flying towards us; swiftly followed by around twenty men.

Ok, at this point I have to confess. I laughed SO hard I nearly cried.

Bouncing

The guys were rolling over, bouncing up in the air and generally looking like extras in a bad B-Movie.

It was hilarious. My enjoyment increased ten fold when I realised that there would be another four races.

Being at the bottom of the hill gave us a perfect view of all the guys walking away from the hill (some slower than others), muddy, cut and bruised; but all looking extremely happy.ÌýÌý

The event over we all headed towards the pub, thoroughly pleased with having made the effort to come out.

And amongst the various platitudes of "You wouldn't catch me doing that", "They must be mad" and "Takes some nerve" I suffered a rare moment of bravado.

"I'll do it".

Three little words, yes I know technically it's four, but let's not get picky.

Words I soon forgot and thought that the others would do the same.

Around Christmas my housemate joined the gym and informed me, none too kindly that I could do with doing the same.

A brief flurry of going every night for a month, followed by huge periods of never turning up ensured that I am still not in the peak condition that I wish I was.

Something I fear I am going to regret monumentally come Bank Holiday.

You see; one of my friends remembered my ridiculous claim that I would take part this year. Oh dear.

Padding

And so, with less than a week to go, I am dusting off my gym membership card in a futile attempt at getting in shape in time.

I have to admit, it's not going at all well. I have been swimming, but I feel like a bit of cheat when I spent nearly my entire time in the sauna and the steam room.

Although I do console myself with the thought that, as the same unkind friend pointed out, the more padding I have the better.

I'm not going to lie, I am very worried.

I spent a while on the cheese rolling website reading about how not too many people break bones, and how most injuries are only minor. I started to feel more cheery.

Terrified

Maybe it's not as bad as I remember it. Maybe it's actually really easy.

My fatal mistake? Watching the video of last year's event.

I'm not worried anymore, I'm terrified.

If you are thinking of taking part this year, do yourself a favour and avoid any video footage of previous years.

Other than that I wish you the best of luck, and will see you at the top (and hopefully again at the bottom).

Well...he did it! Click 'Next' below to read on as Chris battles traffic and bad weather to get to Cooper's Hill and participate in his first cheese roll!

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