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The life of a first-time mum from bump to baby and beyond...

Happiness

10 days old

Happiness is a beautiful baby named Emily Beth!... Well, apart from the sore nipples and my massive tits... Contentment at last!... Up until now, I have always been looking for something, the next big thing or person and here it is... This is who I’ve been waiting for - this little person. I see the purpose of everything now… Sooo clearly…

On a more mundane level, I can also see what the purpose of my breasts is finally - these baubles which so far have been purely for decoration and probably for the pleasure of others, certainly not me, are suddenly the most awesome things ever - they keep Emily satisfied, make her grow - are in fact making her! So far she is entirely the product of my body and air! Well apart from a little input from . What a feeling of empowerment. This baby completely depends on me and I can provide for her every need… Girl power!

Sometimes I can find myself just staring at her. Neil can leave the room and then come back in half an hour or an hour and I’m still staring at her, in the same position that he left me in… Watching her sleeping, moving her hands, having a little wind and dreaming with her eyelashes twitching… Happiness!... I am in orbit...

A Golden Thread

12 days old

Thank you towhittowoo87… You made me cry… Don’t worry, virtually anything can… Even cat food ads…. For getting in touch after my last post to tell me that the Chinese believe that when a mother gives birth there is a golden thread that connects you and your baby to Heaven and this is why you feel so unbelievably special. Divine!... I can totally see that. I guess we must be programmed or designed to give every ounce of love and protection to our babies so that they get the best possible start… I’m having a philosophical moment…

If anyone has any other beliefs about childbirth I’d love to hear from you… What I have failed to mention is that she also said that the thread disappears at six weeks… There’s always a downside… Got that to look forward to!

Sore Nipples

13 days old

Seriously… Has anyone got any suggestions for cracked nipples... I’ve tried cold cabbage leaves and changing positions… Hasn’t helped… Yet! And I am in agony!!

Mother Appreciation

17 days old

I have become very philosophical… Becoming a mother makes you think of your own mother a lot. I was thinking about ... She feels the loss acutely… I feel so protective…. Want to share everything… We are all layers and facets - joy and sorrow at the same time. Now I get it!

Sorry Mum… You were right… Not about that tattoo… But definitely about the other stuff. I have been thinking about mother/daughter relationships and I get it... I was once that baby being held and loved and adored... Or not as sometimes the case might be... It puts it all into perspective... And it’s a massive responsibility. All the mistakes of my own life... I need to make sure she doesn’t make... Or maybe just being there for when she does make them… So much to look forward to...

Little Miss Treasure Pie!

20 days old

Cute or what! This little outfit arrived for her today from an old friend. Isn’t it gorgeous!... Couldn’t resist taking a photo of her in it to show you.

Laughing

25 days old

I’m positive that Emily laughed today. Not a smile, but a laugh - a real, proper laugh. I was nuzzling her tummy with my face, like I do, when she’s just had a bath - all gorgeous and warm and soft and then this laugh. I called in and told him that she’s laughed and he didn’t believe me… And then, you’ll never guess, she did it again. There we were... The three of us, all laughing...perfect family!

A Genius!

26 days old

Consulted a Baby Bible. It says that at one month, which Emily is just off, a few babies are laughing and smiling. Please notice the few. She’s a genius! I knew it... Must get it from me... Ha Ha Ha... Don’t think I was ever advanced or anything like that… Must be Neil then... He’s convinced she gets it from him. He’s busy signing her up for piano lessons at 6 months, Spanish at 7 months, and not forgetting the tennis and ballet at 8 months… If you think I’m getting carried away, I am… also looked up what half of all babies are doing at one month and it said following an object! OMG!... She’s not doing that… So she’s backward when it comes to following objects but a genius at laughing… All bodes well for the future… Following objects is overrated anyway!

I hope she carries on laughing throughout her life… Still three days until she’s one month so there’s still time to follow objects… Not that I’m worried!

God Awful!

1 month and 5 days old

An awful night’s sleep... Knackered and spangle-eyed!... Baby clinic tomorrow/today????..., Oh God it’s today!!!!...

Getting out of the House

I went to baby clinic this afternoon. God, it was hard work! It took me all morning to get ready... I’m up half the night... And not even a bucket of lava java can get me up on a morning... After feeding her, I haven’t got any energy left to get myself up so I sit and stare into space!... I still haven’t worked out how I get both Emily and me dressed at the same time.

I needed a shower today... because: a) the milk makes you stink... b) I’ve got asylum hair and... c) I don’t want to face the yummy mummies at baby clinic looking like I can’t take care of myself!... So, I get in the shower when Emily pipes up and so with mummy guilt I get out soaking wet, shampoo dripping everywhere to feed her again. I try again and the same thing happens... Can’t believe it!... and to my ultimate shame I ring Neil to come home and rescue me... I NEED A SHOWER… Girl power - nil points... I should have just left her to scream but I couldn’t do that... I shouldn’t be bothered about what I look like... couldn’t do that either...

If there’s one thing you should look good for it’s baby clinic or a meeting with other Mums. If not they’ll all start talking and thinking you’re not managing... which of course I’m not... can’t keep my eyes open... God, it’s knackering... I’ll tell you about baby clinic tomorrow and maybe even getting out of the house!! What a palava!... Good night!

Milk Maid

1 month and 7 days old

I RULE... Better night’s sleep... think I totaled a massive 6 hours... spread over 12 but who’s counting. Will have to have a nap today at some point... when’s that six weeks coming - think my golden thread has vanished... Whoosh!... Baby clinic?... Got there... Finally... just before the end... rushed in and Kirsty’s there weighing the babies. Forgot to mention that Emily had to do an explosive poo of course... just as I’m walking out the door... And I had to change both of us, so Emily was not wearing her super cute panda outfit... instead she was wearing last night’s baby grow... (Hangs head in shame!)... Anyway she’s put on 5ozs since last being weighed - would have been 6 if she hadn’t pooed!!!

So I’m there talking to some of the other Mums and it’s really nice to see them when one of them points to my breast and there’s this huge wet patch on my top - not talking small - it’s ginormous!! SoOOOOO embarrassing. It must have been there for ages. Kirsty quietly asks me if I’ve got any breast pads... Leaking boobs, how sophisticated. Wasted milk too!... It’s official… I’m a cow!

Stuffed Olives

1 month and 9 days old

There is nothing in the cupboard to eat... Except 18 tins of stuffed olives. Yuck!... Revolting!... How could I have eaten those things... Don’t think the food bank would want them!... Hardly your basics!

How do you shop and cook and get things done?... The house is a mess!... I’m a mess! There I was managing a class full of jumping kids now I can’t even manage one... I feel as if I have gone from the invasion of the body snatcher to the invasion of the mind snatcher... feeling foggy headed and brain dead... Poor Neil... Any suggestions?

Stop!

1 month and 10 days old

Thank you for all your suggestions, but please stop... Not that I’m not appreciative, it’s just that it makes me feel even more rubbish!... and frankly some of them make me feel a bit queezy... You know who are!!!!!...

Inverted Routines

1 month and 16 days old

Sshh!... It’s 10 (in the morning) and Emily is finally asleep. I must’ve fed her five times in the night. This can’t be right - maybe she’s not getting enough... Maybe it’s a growth spurt blah blah blah! God knows I’m producing enough! You hear of some babies sleeping through at this stage but I think people just say it and they don’t want to say what it’s really like.

Mum told me that I was sleeping through at six weeks old but I think she’s just forgotten unless I was Wonder Baby. It’s called rose tinted spectacles... I think Specsavers hand them to you when you become a Grandma! Anyway we seem to have gotten into some kind of a routine... Not the routine you read about in those lying, evil baby books… I hate myself for reading them, hanging on their every word... Emily wakes up, I get up and feed her in the chair in the room, and then she falls asleep and then I fall asleep in the chair... with her... At some point she’ll do something to wake me up and remind me that she’s still in my arms, and then I put her back down in her cot and sneak back to bed and repeat... and repeat and sneak and repeat and sneak... and infinitum...

By the way if you have got a Wonder Baby out there who is sleeping through at six weeks old, I don’t want to know... Not just yet anyway... Thank you.

Lies!

1 month and 21 days old

I don’t believe any of you... I thought I had made myself clear... No perfect baby stories. NOOOOOOOOO! I told you not to contact me if your baby sleeps through and there you go! Some of your babies were practically sleeping through in the womb... That’s it... they’ve just not woken up yet!!

Then there’s the opposite extreme… Those with babies who still haven’t slept through and they’re 12 months... 3 years... 12 years!!! I don’t want to hear from you either!... None of it makes me feel any better… and before I insult all of you and have no readers left, I’m going back to bed before my baby who has been up all night wakes up… Yet again!!! GOODNIGHT!

Sorry! Oops!... Just read last night’s post... I am soOOOOOOO sorry... hope you all appreciate my sense of humour (HAHAHAHAH) at 3 in the morning!!??... I should just stop writing at night because I don’t think straight... my brain has upped and left the building... Sorry once again! Can you ever forgive me!?

Baby Blues

1 month and 30 days old

Yes, I’m still here! Has anyone seen The Shining... Well I feel like Johnny... Ever so slightly mad... Thanks for your messages of support and good wishes... but I am fine... HONEST ?!

It’s been a whole nine days since I last wrote on the blog... a record... and… you know... I just had to stop for a while. I was soooo tired and just couldn’t think of anything to write and if I stopped for a second to pick up my laptop, I’d wake up two hours later to the sound of Emily screaming and me dribbling... not a pretty site!... But... I’m back now... Here’s Johnny!

It’s such a fab, cosy feeling to know that there’s so many of you out there reading this blog and caring about me... but you’ve been so sweet and I can’t thank you enough... Cue Tina... You’re simply the best!

So what do you think? My little Treasure Pie is two months old today! I can’t quite believe it!... I have kept something alive for two whole months... quite clearly I am a natural. Have you seen her in this picture? She’s just so cute... I could eat her... you just want to pinch those little chubby cheeks... not hard you understand... just a little squeeezzzeee!

She’s such a little roly poly that even some of her 0-3 baby grows are not fitting her any more... she’s a whopping... wait for it... drum roll... 12 pounds and 1 ounce... She’s on the 75th centile for weight!... Woohoo!... I’m so proud... My daughter is officially fat... What happened there?

Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we had that attitude to fat all our lives... Fast forward twelve years and I’ll be self-flagellating if she’s fat... and what if I was celebrating me being on the on the 75th centile for weight... that makes me 14 stones and 6 ounces!!!... Nooooooo!... We spend the first few months of our life desperately trying to put weight on and then the rest of our life desperately trying to get rid of it!!... The world’s gone mad!!... Baby clinic... it’s like fat club in reverse!