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Well, we've got to do something to slow Bolt down

Nigeria's leading player was in a hurry and had to eat, then shot then left.

The black eyes? Oh, I was sitting next to a Dutch supporter ...

Not exactly pandamonium out there.....

Of course I don't cheat - that's why I'm an endangered species

The 2012 Olympics ticket holder: a protected species.

Postboxes! Hah! In China, we're painting our bears.

I'm here incognito because I'm so ashamed about that zip wire fiasco

Whats Black and White and 'red' all over, Panda slipping down the steps

A spokesman for Edinburgh Zoo refused to comment further except to add that he can’t have gone far, and that he would probably find somewhere quiet, and away from the public, to hide away..

I"m here to meet the tiger, actually.

P and O Ferries try some flash mob advertising

China's not playing?!

The poor panda was late for an appointment because the clock on the wall behind him was stuck at 8.12 p.m.

It was the only way they'd allow Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards in

Kudu Panda

America lodged a complaint after the panda got down the steps 10 seconds faster than four years ago

The votes have been counted and the results are announced - red pandas are more cute.

OK, who ordered a take-away?

Some spectators had accused LOCOG of pandering to the needs of the competitors, and you can't help but see their point.

One of the "peace bears" launched by Scandinavia lands a little off-course

In search of the old bamboo in the land of Mary Poppins.

Sir Chris Hoy's team deny bussing in random supporters from Edinburgh.

Why do I look so negative? I'm black-and-white, that's why.

After hearing that 7 Cameroonians had successfully disappeared, the Chinese contestants thought they would also try by cleverly disguising themselves

"Three quid for a stick of bamboo.....I never should have come".

The World Wildlife Fund tries desperately to save face by filling all its corporate seats

Trust Security to categorise a bamboo shoot as a lethal object

Technology baffles me. You go onto an online dating website looking for a match and you get tickets for a ball game?

Spectators were disconcerted to discover that Ted, the foul-mouthed talking bear, had a Chinese cousin

What's black and white and bred all over?

Just for the Olympics, I get home cinema, surround sound, 3D ... and now I find it's mostly in black-and-white

I'm here to stress the medal count.

The IOC meant to invite a representative from the World Wrestling Federation to the Greco-Roman wrestling finals, but who knew there was another WWF?

The builders of the Olympic stadia had had to contend with the habitats of rare bats, otters and other protected species, but there was still one surprise in store for them

"And if I hear any 'big fat head in the way' comments,I'll dunk them".

As an American grizzly is spotted on the other side of the stadium, the reason why there are so many empty seats becomes clear

Police release photo of the suspect wanted for the Kendo Bamboo Sword robbery.

Actually, I support India, but the shop had run out of saris

I've just come from the Velodrome ...someone said it was PandaOmnium

Well, there was nowhere else Darren could blend in with the surroundings, after his mates welded the zip during his stag party

By the look of it, there are an awful lot of pandas in fans' costumes there too

Actually, I've got an uncle in Nigeria

Typical. you pay a fortune for a ticket and end up having to sit next to someone dressed as Scooby Do.

Here we go: row M, seat 2. What the - a guy in a Scooby Doo costume? Oh, why do I always end up sitting next to the loony?

Poor old Sir Cliff hadn't been able to get the damned thing off since Wimbledon

Not you? Well, somebody threw a bamboo shoot onto the track during the 100 metres final.

Damn those sideburns ...the only way Bradley Wiggins can get to watch the remaining Olympic games in peace

At various positions around the stadium were the national mascots of the three countries currently topping the Olympics table - a panda, Uncle Sam, and Mr. Bean

"She said no mating during the Games... or before the Games... or after the Games..."

Panda was thrown out, as bamboo shoots weren't an authorised Olympic brand

Too late, Che Che realised that this was the basket ball and not the Panda Omnium.

"Volunteer", they said. "You'll see the games", they said...

Basketball? But I definitely requested ping-pong.

Wenlock and Mandeville? Grrrrr! I'll show them what a real Olympic mascot looks like.

OK, driving wearing this can be a bit dangerous at times, but at least nobody stops me using the Olympic lanes

Olympic WAGs (wildlife and girldfriends)

Throwing me out, are you? I thought the fact that Usain Bolt was an anagram of Ablutions was quite interesting ...

Yes! Me! Jingjing the flippin' Official mascot at Beijing ...not interested now are you?

Simply the bear necessities

It took hours for them to let me in - apparently, I kept upsetting their bar-code machine

It looks like the Chinese contingent had been allocated far too many tickets this time.

"I'm not a fan of these British aisles though".

Victory-a Panda-lton

When poor Lynne Truss accepted the free tickets, she hadn't realised there were conditions attached

I'm here for the bear sprint - the ursine bolt.

As the Mars rover, Curiosity sends its first hi res images, NASA begins investigation into why it landed so far off-course.

The penalty for not knowing what a 'repick' was would prove severe.

Oh, I thought you said we were cheering on Ursine Bolt.

The undercover terrorist squad blended in with the crowd very well.

Call them friends! Yes, of course, we're all going to come dressed as pandas ...

Yes, when you allowed cheer leaders, you allowed mascots as well.

Fiat manage to sneak in a bit of free advertising

This is not the Hippodrome after all.

Police follow up a lead in the missing Edinburgh Zoo panda case.

G4S sink to new depths in their attempts to fill the vacancies for security staff at the Olympics.

Hey, our official soft drinks sponsor is Coca-cola, not Panda Pops

......and for those of you still watching in black & white!

The Australian Ambassador finally found a way to watch the Games without having to endure all those anti Aussie Olympic jokes.

No, the Olympics is not that kind of marathon. Still, at least you didn't bring the bucket.

Sue going to join Sooty & Sweep on the medals podium after winning cycling gold in the Team Hirsute.

No, I'M the only mascot in the (olympic) village

Immigration officials at Heathrow finding it harder to deny rumors that there was a lapse in the security checks of incoming passengers

Sue’s appearance hinted at an even quirkier closing ceremony featuring Danny Boyle's childhood favourites, Sooty and Sweep.

It's a strange sort of zoo - all the visitors in cages and the animals roaming free

Ways to avoid detection when you've thrown a sickie, number 4, the disguise.

Pretending to parachute into the stadium with James Bond was one thing, but perhaps Her Majesty was taking things a bit too far now ...

Tiger's here, now where's that lion?

You must have mis-heard. The mascots are definitely not Wenlock and Pandaville ...

It's the only way Mitt Romney could watch his wife's horse.

and presenting the medals ...Princess Anne-Anne

Po was devastated to find out that Kung Fu wasn't part of this year's Olympics.

Bear with me while I sort out the next Chinese gold medal

"It's not like good ol' Beijing....back then I was a VIP....a Very Important Panda".

Steward misunderstands being asked to pander to the whims of the visitors

Belgian athlete, last seen competing on Jeux Sans Frontieres, completely misreads the situation.

If you go down to the track today, you'll hardly believe your eyes
If you go down to the track today, there’s somebody in disguise
For every Panda that ever there was
Has gathered there for certain, because
Today's the day they’ll easily find your picnic

Eats shoots, leaves.

"...and here come the Belgians! The Belgians... AAAAh ha ha ha ha ha..."

After not making it past the first round in the Mating events, Chi-Chi walked dejectedly to the spectators stands to watch the rest of the games.