91Èȱ¬

We Are Klang's Steve Hall writes...

Klang have travelled up to Edinburgh to perform at a benefit gig for the Charlie Harthill Special Reserve in the Pleasance Courtyard. The Pleasance in Edinburgh witnessed our breakthrough shows in terms of live performance, and it was at the Pleasance in London that we did the first script reads of the series in front of some astonishingly brave audiences. The Pleasance have been extremely good to us over the years, and massively patient and encouraging, so it's an honour to be able to do something in return, especially for such a worthwhile cause. I was up in Edinburgh at the start of the festival - Alun Cochrane, Felicity Ward, Celia Pacquola and Cardinal Burns all have exceptionally good shows - it's strange to be in Edinburgh without a show to peddle - but also rather liberating knowing you don't have an imminent £8000 debt looming.

There's a moment in this week's episode where I get punched in the balls by a small child. I was suitably boxed and buffered in the downstairs, protecting myself and future generations of my weedy bloodstock, wondering if the production team would perhaps draft in one of these obese children so fashionable nowadays, whose pudgy fingers and fist would perhaps cushion my monkey and pee-wees from any lasting damage. I needn't have worried. Doing the punching was the most adorable and shy little girl - my hound and my baskervilles were safe. Delicately, director Ben and third assistant director Jen, talked her through what she needed to do: "You hit Steve just below his tummy..." At which point her mum interjected with "Oh, I just told her to whack him in the gonads..." Delightful.

When we played Australia, a review charmingly called us 'visually pitiful'. Playing Glasgow some years back, during a forlorn taxi ride back to our hotel we wondered aloud why nobody of either gender ever appeared to take an interest in partying hearty after our shows. At which point the taxi driver, who up til this point had remained completely silent, chipped with the helpful reminder: 'Because you're all ugly b*s'. He then didn't speak for the rest of the journey.Ìý

He received a substantial tip. When we did The Wall in 2008, an ex- girlfriend took the time to send me a message saying that the three of us looked like 'swarthy potatoes'. Lovely.

It was perhaps due the cumulative effect of all these knockbacks, that I approached this episode with some trepidation, for this week's episode sees my backside feature as a key character. It speaks volumes for my limited acting ability that I can wring more pathos when expressing through the medium of bottom-theatre than with my actual face, but I remain proud of his surprising peachyness. Just don't call him a bumcrack. He's been here for years. But time takes it toll, and as we approached filming, I began to assess how he might look on the screen. I did consider a trial run standing outside the window of my local electrical goods shop, but dignity got the better of that idea.Ìý

And so I had to face facts - he'd gotten a little fuzzier than he used to be. Whatever was a boy to do? The answer - hair removal cream. I am a fool. The result is there for you to revel in, a tableaux my flatmate has described as looking like a monk with a headwound. And if you're watching in HD I really am very, very sorry.

We Are Klang continues tonight at 10.30pm on 91Èȱ¬ Three. Read more from Klang and watch extra video in our Klang blog archive.