91Èȱ¬

Regular readers (hello mum) might be aware I attempt a sporty re-working of a Christmas carol/song around this time of year.

In 2002 (blimey have I really been here that long?) it was , in 2003 , the following year Fergie/Wenger/Mourinho tribute , 2005 (A Good Hiding From Freddie And The Boys) 2006 Away In A Strange Land (ZZ sees red) and last year Walking In A Hatton Wonderland.

For 2008 I've decided to have a bash at an abridged version of Hallelujah. I send my deepest apologies in advance to Leonard Cohen, the late, great Jeff Buckley and that other girl who's taken to singing it of late - her name escapes me.

Please send in your efforts - I'm sure you can do better (let's face it, it can't be hard). In the meantime....

HALLELUJAH (SORT OF)

Oh Chris Hoy you are the man
You've done things that no other can
You won three golds, but surely that''ll do ya?
That'll do ya, that'll do ya, that'll do ya, that'll do-oo-oo ya.

Hey Rebecca Adlington
We're all so glad that you swum
To two golds and a pair of Jimmy Choo-sa
Jimmy Choo-sa, Jimmy Choo-sa, Jimmy Choo-sa, Jimmy Choo-oo-oo sa.

Lewis Hamilton you're ace
You might not have won every race
Still, nice to know Alonso is a loser
Is a loser, is a loser, is a loser, is a lo-oo-oo-ser.

Cristiano take a bow
The things you did made us go wow!
The ladies loved you 'cos you're such a schmoozer
Such a schmoozer, such a schmoozer, such a schmoozer, such a schmoo-oo-oo-zer.

So join me as we sing this song
A year when Brits could do no wrong
A very merry happy Christmas to ya
Christmas to ya, Christmas to ya, Christmas to ya, Christmas to-oo-oo ya.

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As Sports Personality turned into a real , it was Rover and Out for .

It was bad enough hearing the Wigan faithful singing "You're getting sacked in the morning!" (right chant, wrong day) but when his own fans joined in, Ince must have felt like the hapless Guv'nor in during one of those canteen riots. Only this time there was no to bail him out.

As John Lennon once opined, there's - Incey has disappeared down one, but rest assured he'll pop up again before the season's out.

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When Roy Keane did his disappearing act, his beard was heading for the door marked exit as well.

Three days after leaving Sunderland, that came in for a gentle ribbing in last week's blog.

Much as I'd like to think he's a regular reader of these pages and took my 'sailor action man' concerns to heart, the real reason for the trim probably lay a little closer to home. Soon after his departure he was photographed in the car alongside Mrs Keane, whose facial expression screamed: 'Razor! Roy! Now!'

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As Sunderland continued their alarming slide down the table, there was a welcome distraction for Roy Keane in the shape of his beard.

Never mind that the Black Cats had just beeen , or lost five of their last six Premier League matches - the question on everyone's lips was, who did that fine facial fuzz remind them of?

"He should be a submarine captain with that beard," quipped Adrian Chiles on , looking nervously over his shoulder, while Guardian website reader Tom Hammett observed: "Is anyone else worried that Roy Keane's new look is remarkably similar to the President of Iran, ?"

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