Top 5 - Pop Rhyming Slang
DISCLAIMER: Some of the themes in this hi-LAR-ious feature might lead a casual observer to conclude that ChartBlog endorses the use of swear words. This is a g* lie. And if you s* tell anyone otherwise, we will personally cut your j y*** off. OK?
No. 5: Lily Allen 
Original useage: Pretty, mouth-wonked daughter of the Sheriff Of Nottingham.Swears like fishwife. Funny blogger (which could be rhyming slang, but isn't). Flouncy dresses and trainers. Immensely likeable, if a little prickly in interview form...
Uses: A cute description of that part of the male anatomy which is not to be found on the female anatomy, unless in extreme circumstances. More detail on what these circumstances may be can be found in list form within the pages of The ChartBlog Guide To The Essential Rudeness And Urr! Of The Human Body. Available from all good biological reference bookstores.
Example: "Oh My God! He sat down! In them shorts! And...And... I SAW HIS LILY! *shrieks* "
No. 4: The View 
Original useage: Rock hobbits. NME love 'em, everyone else loves 'em. And yet they do not wash. Is there a lesson to be learned here about popularity and bodily smells? Probably.
Uses: A description of an unpleasant smell. A term for the act of going to the lavatory to pass solids. Could be used to replace the surname of a fictional teddy bear called Winnie.
Examples: "Urr! Has someone farted? Gah! It smells like the View in here!"
"Oh! It was disgusting! I went into the toilet and someone had left a great big the View floating in the bowl..."
No. 3: Lil Chris 
Original useage: Hamster-faced emo boy champion of Channel 4's 'Rock School', and a young man possessed of a high-pitched and warbly voice, the like of which you would normally only hear coming from a choirboy on a bouncy castle...
Uses: Either a way of explaining that you're about to make a visit to the lavatory to pass liquid, or that you feel that someone is mocking you. Can also be used in conjuction with "...Off!" to repel unwanted attention.
Examples: "Back in a minute, just going for a Lil Chris!"
"What? I really like my pink hat! Stop taking the Lil Chris!"
No. 2: The Fratellis 
Original useage: Scruffy rockers with dirty tales of scuffed romances and girls with knives. Drummer called Mince.
Uses: A delicate, nay poetic way of describing any intimate part of someone's body, when you do not wish to cause offence.
Example: "My sweet angel, I wish nothing more than to kiss you all over, from your uppermost Nutini right down to your pale and magnificent Fratelli. "
"Chris off, you BEDINGFIELD!"
No. 1: James Blunt 
Original useage: Lady-friendly crooner with the dreamy eyes and the softy voice and the video in which he cries about not being your forever love-hunny and then takes his clothes off and jumps into the water, all brave-like...*SIGH*...
Uses: A term of abuse. Only to be used when all other forms of diplomacy have failed, or someone has pushed past you in a huffy way, hasn't said sorry, and you're in a bad mood cos your favourite shoes have a hole in and it's raining.
Examples: "Oi! Watch where you're going, you bloody James! Or I'll knock you Back To Jamesing Bedlam double quick!"
