The Sounds Of Music
There are some days when you just think "pop gossip can just CACK OFF for a minute. I need some SCIENCE in my life!", right?
No, me neither. But if you DID have a moment like that ever, this would be the perfect feature to read, seeing as it contains a little bit of scientific research, and some spiteful gags about the singing prowess (or otherwise) of some of the nation's favourite pop people...
It seems that a professor from Salford University has been doing some research to try and find out the worst sound in the world ever. His results are very interesting, in that they sort of mirror how the actual Top 40 of popular songs works.
Classic old hits like 'Nails Down A Blackboard' and 'The Dentist's Drill' are slipping down the chart, after enjoying a long run at the very top. Meanwhile, 'Squealing Microphones' and 'A Baby Crying' have leapt way up, and it's not just on first-week sales either.
And this week's No.1? 'Vomiting', which (TERRIBLE PUN ALERT!) has made bad-sound-chart history by going straight to the top of the charts on upchucks alone.
(TOLD YOU!)
You can see the whole thing, and listen and vote on your least favourite sound at
BUT, it set me thinking. The world of popular music is full of strange noises. Those odd creaks, whistles and boinks which, given the right amount of volume and constant repetition, could cause irritation, and, given time, exasperation, followed by annoyance, then irk, then fury, and finally total psychotic breakdown.
Here's some examples:
The croak Britney Spears does at the beginning of every line in 'Oops I Did It Again'.
The self-conscious and not-quite-brave-enough "Ka-CHING!" at the end of Mika's 'Grace Kelly'.
Lady singers doing 'sexy' moaning noises ALL THE WAY THROUGH their songs.
Man singers doing 'sexy' grunting, like they're actually on the job in the studio, while the song is being recorded. Ick McGICK!
Akon's singing voice, or James Blunt's singing voice, or Geri Halliwell's singing voice, or Pete Doherty's singing voice...
That odd guitar cough that Fightstar put in their records to reassure people that they're proper metal. It's not just Fightstar though, it's a rubbish sound even when proper metal bands do it too.
Whooshy ghost noises in indie records which have been produced by Nigel Godrich.
Hip hop records with children on
The bit in dance tracks where the sample goes all mushy-sounding, then gradually becomes clearer and clearer and repeats faster and faster. IT'S. BEEN. DONE.
Cheryl Tweedy's spoken voice
Indie bands who can't tune their guitars...or play them very well...
The bit in 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' by Panic! At The Disco where Brendon sings "sense of poison rationality". Long words are all very well, but getting them to match the melody you've written? That's PROPERLY clever, boys...
Any record with choirboys in
Talking in hip hop songs (not rapping, the bit at beginning of some songs where a vocalist goes "2006...UH!...Kanye West...you know it...check it out...", or "you know ME...it's the Diddyman...UH!...did I mention I have a new range of perfume out?..." etc)
That fella in the Automatic who does all the shouting
Go on then, I throw the floor open to you, ChartBloggerers, what's the worst sound you've ever heard?
Comments
Think you covered most of the funny sounds here although what about the weird laughing noises in Justin Timberlake's 'My Love' and the Gorrilaz' 'Feel Good Inc.'
I have to say though, one of the funniest things i've ever heard is Kylie rapping on one of the songs off her 'Body Language' album.
What about Ashlee Simpson? Her song 'Shadow' as she starts singing the first chorus, she screams, I'm sure not on purpose. It goes like this "living in the shadow of someone elses dream [short scream like a mouse behind a million megaphones put together here]'. What the?