When children say they 鈥榗an鈥檛鈥 or 鈥榳on't鈥 do something, it鈥檚 not necessarily because they don鈥檛 want to. Like adults, they can lack confidence and find situations overwhelming which can make them put barriers up.
A 'growth mindset' is knowing that you can train your brain to get smarter, to learn new skills and to get better at doing something that you may initially find difficult to do. It鈥檚 also about believing that through effort, hard work and practice you can improve, grow and learn.
Natalie Costa aka 鈥楾he Child Whisperer鈥, shares her top tips to help you help your kids develop a 鈥榞rowth mindset鈥 and ways to reframe words and phrases to help get the right message across to your children.
4 tips to help manage your child's emotions
Shift their perspective
To develop a growth mindset, it鈥檚 important to help your children shift their perspective.
Instead of seeing mistakes as a reflection of self-worth or as a sign that they can鈥檛 do something, help them see that it鈥檚 an opportunity to grow and learn.鈥疷nderstanding how the brain works can help children to shift perspective. Explain to them that their brain is like a muscle. When something feels hard, like solving a鈥痬aths鈥痯roblem, or learning a new gymnastics routine, they are giving their brain the exercise it needs to grow and learn.鈥疻hen we make mistakes or do things that feel difficult, that鈥檚 not a sign that we can鈥檛 do something, it鈥檚 actually our brain getting a really good workout and eventually we鈥檒l improve and learn new skills!
Reframe questions
Another way to build resilience and tap into a growth mindset is to reframe the questions we use - especially when things feel hard.鈥疘f your children say things like 鈥淲hy me?鈥 or 鈥淲hy can鈥檛 I do this?鈥 this keeps them stuck in a closed mindset. Help them to ask open questions, or what we can refer to as 鈥榩ower questions鈥.鈥疨ower questions such as, 鈥淲hat can I do differently next time?鈥 or 鈥淲hat have I learned from this mistake?鈥 will help them to shift their perspective. Instead of feeling stuck, they'll begin to search for solutions, look for new opportunities and find the 鈥榣earning moments鈥 within their challenges.
Remember previous challenges
Help your child remember previous challenges they鈥檝e faced that they have overcome or times they have made a mistake but were able to get it right in the end.鈥疭entences like 鈥淚 know this is hard for you right now but when we tried鈥nd you鈥︹ will help them to feel understood and also remind them that they have the power to overcome challenges.
It's okay to make mistakes
Finally, consider how you respond when you make mistakes.鈥疘t can be challenging for us as adults to change our perspectives because we might have had different experiences growing up. Remember to be kind to yourself as we鈥檙e also learning these skills and new habits alongside our children.鈥疌ultivating a growth mindset and helping your child develop their resilience takes some time but each mistake or challenge is just another opportunity to grow and learn!鈥疊e transparent and show your children that it鈥檚 okay to make mistakes even when things feel hard or challenging. You can even use the Power Questions to show how you are moving forward - or even better, ask your child to remind you of what questions you can ask yourself instead!
Activities to try at home
'My learning treasure chest'
Print or draw a treasure chest on paper.鈥疶alk with your child about some mistakes they鈥檝e made in the past or some challenges they have faced and what they have learned from their experiences.鈥疶hese 鈥榣essons鈥 can be represented as jewels that they draw,鈥痗olour鈥痑nd add to their treasure chest poster which they can then stick up on their wall. As your child grows, faces new challenges and learns new things, they can keep adding to the treasure chest.鈥疕aving this treasure chest poster as a visual representation helps remind them that they are always learning and growing and it shifts their perspective so they begin to see their mistakes and challenges as learning opportunities (jewels) which will help them grow!
Exercise your brain
Identify an area that your child would like to improve in - for example, 鈥榞et better at riding my bike鈥, 鈥榖e able to recite the seven times table by heart鈥, or 鈥榠mprove a dance routine鈥.鈥疊rainstorm some practical steps that your child can take each day to help them 鈥榞row their brain鈥 in this area.鈥疘f the goal is to get better at riding a bike for example, the steps might be to 鈥榩ractice riding my bike everyday鈥, 鈥榣ook up instead of looking at my feet鈥 or 鈥榩edal faster鈥.鈥疍raw a visual chart to represent the steps. The steps can be represented by drawing a series of brains with each step written in.鈥疉s each step is completed your child can鈥痗olour鈥痠n the brain to track their progress.鈥疘f it feels hard or they make a mistake, remind them that they are growing their brain and making it stronger through each step. Help them reflect on how much they are growing and how far they have come.
Natalie's video
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