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Award-winning confidence coach Natalie Costa, also known as 鈥楾he Child Whisperer smiling

As a parent, it can be hard to watch your child struggle with managing their emotions. Naturally, we want to comfort our children so we tend to use phrases like 鈥渄on鈥檛 worry鈥 or 鈥測ou鈥檒l be fine鈥. When we do this, we miss an important opportunity to connect with our kids and understand the extent of their emotions.

We鈥檝e got some top tips from award-winning confidence coach Natalie Costa, also known as 鈥楾he Child Whisperer鈥, to help you start managing uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, worry and low鈥痵elf-esteem鈥痠n your child.

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4 tips to help manage your child's emotions

1. Validate their feelings

Whether your child is feeling bored, frustrated or anxious, allow them the space to feel their emotions to tell you why they might be feeling this way.

You can also help validate their feelings by reframing your words.鈥疘t can be tempting to say things like 鈥榙on鈥檛 be upset鈥, but by reframing your words to 鈥淚 can see you鈥檙e having a tough time right now because of鈥︹ or 鈥淚t鈥檚 ok to feel frustrated because鈥︹, you鈥檙e letting them know that you get it. In turn, this helps them feel seen, heard and understood too.

2. Personify their feelings

Personifying your child鈥檚 emotions into characters can help create space between them and their feelings.鈥疶his helps them acknowledge that those feelings are present but that they don鈥檛 need to be completely consumed by them, and most importantly, that they don鈥檛 have to believe every thought they think.鈥疐or example, if your child is worried about a test, try saying something like, 鈥淚t looks like鈥疢r鈥疻orry-Head is here with us. What is he trying to tell you?鈥濃疜eep the characters fun and playful by encouraging your child to come up with a silly voice and name - the funnier, the better!

3. Use self-soothing tools

When it all gets too much, you can help your child learn practical self-soothing tools to get them back to a space of calm.鈥疧ne exercise you can try is 鈥楾ake Five鈥 deep belly breathing. This exercise is just as effective for adults to try, so give it a go with your child too.

  • Hold out one hand and stretch it out like a star.
  • With your pointer finger on your other hand, slowly trace up and around to the top of your thumb and take a deep breath in through your nose and into your belly.
  • Then, as you trace down to the bottom of your next finger, slowly breath out鈥.
  • Keep going all the way, tracing around each finger and taking deep breaths in and slowly breathing out.

4. Use yourself as a role model

Often as parents, we are learning alongside our children. Remember to be gentle with yourself. Giving yourself the space to feel your emotions and鈥痯racticing鈥痵elf-soothing tools will not only help you mentally, but it will also help model healthy鈥痓ehaviors鈥痑nd strengthen your connection with your child.

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Activities to try at home

Little girl hugging her teddy bear

Go on a 'Feelings Scavenger Hunt'

Our feelings are like visitors and we have many visitors in a day. Go on a scavenger hunt and try to see how many visitors you notice in a day.鈥疻ho comes to visit you in the morning when you wake up? Who do you notice when you have to do your learning? Who decides to hang around at lunchtime?鈥疍raw and create a character for each different feeling that you notice. At the end of the day you may be surprised at how many came to visit!

Create a 'Calm Down Box'

Spend time talking to your child to find out what helps them feel calm and create a 鈥榗alm-down box鈥.鈥疘n the box, include a collection of personal items or tools that will help them in those moments when feelings become really big.鈥疭ome great items to include are, squishy putty or slime to release tension; a glitter jar to shake; paper and pencils to draw their feelings; their鈥痜avorite鈥痓ook; a soft toy to use when they鈥檙e doing their deep breathing, or even a football or skipping rope to get some fresh air.鈥疍ecorate the box with your child, including some positive words of affirmation.

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Natalie's video

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