It doesn't have to be Pride Month to chat to your child about LGBTQ+ communities around the world.
Learning about different family units with your little one is a great way to show the importance embracing differences.
We鈥檝e been chatting to some LGBTQ+ families to get some top tips on celebrating pride and talking about different types of families with a young child.
鈥楶ride is like Christmas in our house!鈥
Sarah and Laura Smith are parents to Annabelle and Matilda. Sarah says:
鈥淲e met at work in 2008 - I鈥檓 from Reading, and Laura is from Idaho in the US. We didn鈥檛 even like each other at first. But after five months of working together, we became friends and then started dating in March 2009. It was the first time either of us had been in a same-sex couple. Even though we loved each other, we didn鈥檛 think we鈥檇 have the life we do now. At the time, we didn鈥檛 know anyone like us or have any role models to show us what our life could be like together.
鈥淏ut it feels like society has moved on at the same time as our relationship. In 2014 we were the first female couple to be legally married in Westminster borough. It was amazing to be part of history. In 2017 we decided to try for a family and, after our first round of IVF, got pregnant. We totally believe that the things that make people unique are their superpowers!鈥
鈥業t鈥檚 about celebrating our differences鈥
Laura says: 鈥淧ride is a bit like Christmas in our house. On 1 June, we get out all our rainbow decorations, headgear and clothes. Annabelle loves dressing up, and we dance around to Pride playlists. She鈥檚 too young to understand the history of Pride, but we鈥檝e explained we鈥檙e supporting people just like us. She then brings down her books about having two mums and reads them all over again.
鈥淎nnabelle鈥檚 nursery have been very involved and have made rainbow cakes and done rainbow arts and crafts with the children. We鈥檝e taken in a few books about LGBTQ+ families and other family units that they are reading to the kids too. It鈥檚 all about celebrating our differences.鈥
鈥楬aving a different family dynamic isn鈥檛 an issue鈥
Rich and Lew are the adoptive parents of a six-year-old son and three-year-old daughter. Rich says:
鈥淲e met in a pub in 2013. At the time I wasn鈥檛 openly gay (the friends I was with didn鈥檛 know), so I gave Lew my number on a piece of paper. He called me a few days later, and we started dating. We鈥檙e very different - I鈥檓 a mortgage adviser and, at the time, Lew was a dancer on the Sesame Street Live tour - but we just clicked. After about 18 months, we started talking about having a family. We decided adoption was the best option for us and in 2015, after a long process, we adopted our son. We got married in 2017 and the year after we adopted our daughter.
We went away to Cornwall recently, and our son made friends with another boy. He had a moment of confusion when our son said he had two dads, but he didn鈥檛 question it. Instead, he said to our little boy, 鈥榗an you ask your dad and father?鈥, like seeing two dads is normal. That鈥檚 testament to how far we鈥檝e come.鈥
鈥淲e make it a really happy time鈥
Lew says: 鈥淭he kids always wear rainbow colours and this year we鈥檙e planning a Pride picnic in the park with two mums, a mum and dad and a couple of other friends. Our son and daughter are both really excited - we don鈥檛 go into the history of Pride as they are a bit too young, but they鈥檙e looking forward to the games and celebrations. We make it a really happy time. We took them to Pride in London when they were younger, and they loved mixing with kids from lots of different families. For them, a normal family is one with two dads, so it was good for them to see families with two mums or other set ups. It makes it all feel normal and that having a different family dynamic isn鈥檛 an issue.鈥
How to talk to your child about different family units
Here are ten top tips from Sarah and Laura and Rich and Lew鈥
1. Build the foundations
If your child asks, 鈥淐an two men get married?鈥 Rich recommends answering the question simply - yes! 鈥淭here鈥檚 no need to go into the law or the reasons why same-sex marriage is now allowed. That鈥檚 far too much for their little brains! Instead, simply say that yes, two men can get married, and so can two women, and so can a man and a woman. It鈥檚 who someone loves and that鈥檚 it. We also use craft activities to explain in an age-appropriate way. We get cutouts of different people and then use them to make little families. We explain all the different types of family setup you can have. It helps build a foundation for when they are a bit older and can understand more.鈥
2. Be prepared
Another question your child may ask is, 鈥榃hat does gay mean?鈥 You could say it means two men or two women love each other and that people love each other in different ways.
鈥淚f you try and explain to a child the term LGBTQ+ you鈥檙e setting yourself up for a difficult discussion with a young child鈥, says Rich.
鈥淕et involved in what your school is teaching about diversity. If you know what your child is learning in school, you鈥檒l be more prepared for the questions they might ask and have the answers.鈥
3. Keep it simple
There is a lot of history around Pride, but for now, Laura suggests keeping conversations with your child quite general. She says, 鈥淔or preschool age or younger, talk about accepting everyone for who they are. Children aren鈥檛 born prejudiced, they are born curious. It鈥檚 important to answer them kindly and in a matter of fact way.鈥
Lew adds, 鈥淲e say to our kids that families may be different but they all have one thing in common - they love each other.鈥
4. Use books
Whether it鈥檚 single parents, two mums, differently-abled parents, a mum and dad or grandparents raising the kids, there are lots of different family units. And a great way to start the conversation with your child is through children鈥檚 books.
Sarah says, 鈥淚f you see an LGBTQ+ character or same-sex parents, make sure to point them out and use it as an opportunity to reiterate that families come in all shapes and sizes. If you don't have any books that show different family dynamics, buy a few, or borrow from a library - reading materials/pictures in books tend to have a big impact on kids.鈥 She and Laura like to read Who's In My Family?: All About Our Families by Robbie H. Harris. This book shows all sorts of families, so is a great opportunity for parents to point out different family units with happy children.鈥
Rich and Lewis read Two Dads by Carolyn Robertson to their children. The book is about a boy who has been adopted and is raised by two fathers.
5. Don鈥檛 worry if you don鈥檛 have all the answers
Children have lots of questions about everything. And even if you don鈥檛 have the answers, that鈥檚 okay. Rich says, 鈥淚t鈥檚 easy sometimes to say, 鈥極h don鈥檛 worry about that鈥 or 鈥榮hush鈥 them, but that creates confusion and leaves the question unanswered. Sometimes you might shush them as you don鈥檛 want to have the conversation because you don鈥檛 know the answer or you鈥檙e worried you鈥檒l say the wrong thing. But actually, there isn鈥檛 a 'wrong' thing. It鈥檚 better to have the conversation even if it leaves you as a parent thinking, 鈥榓ctually, I need to find out a bit more about this myself鈥.鈥
6. Keep the conversation going after Pride
Sarah recommends talking to your child about families - and how every family set-up is different - all year round. 鈥淭he celebrations and rainbow clothes spark conversations with your child which is great. But it鈥檚 important to celebrate our differences all the time.鈥
7. Involve your child鈥檚 nursery or school
Both sets of parents suggest involving your child鈥檚 nursery or school, and speaking to them about inclusiveness and ways to celebrate diversity.
Sarah and Laura鈥檚 nursery put the children鈥檚 family photos on the wall and talk about who is in each family. 鈥淭hese conversations are really important for Annabelle as she鈥檚 never felt any different鈥, says Sarah.
Rich and Lew鈥檚 school have also been really supportive and recently read their son鈥檚 favourite LGBTQ+ children鈥檚 book in the class storytime.
8. Start early
Your child is never too young to learn about different families. 鈥淪ome people don鈥檛 know other gay people so their children won鈥檛 know people in same-sex relationships鈥, says Sarah. 鈥淚t鈥檚 not intentional but it means their child might be in a situation where they鈥檙e not aware someone can have two mums or dads. The younger you can start that conversation the better.鈥
9. Avoid stereotypes
Sarah and Laura suggest avoiding stereotyping behaviours that are seen in a family, like mum cooks and dad builds things. Laura says, 鈥淭his can set the expectation that a child in an LGBTQ+ family wouldn't have a parent that could do important roles in the house and can lead to conversations about who is the 'man/woman' in the relationship. In addition, everyone pitching in to help instead of sticking within traditional gender roles will give kids a well-rounded list of skills that will benefit them when they are older.鈥
10. Prepare your child for questions they might get asked
As your children get older, they might be asked questions by other children. 鈥淲e鈥檝e got to prepare Annabelle for someone saying, 鈥榊ou have two mums, they can鈥檛 both be your real mum鈥, says Laura. To help, they read Annabelle the book 鈥榃ho鈥檚 Your Real Mum?鈥. 鈥淚n it, the child explains her mums hold her when she鈥檚 scared and kiss her goodnight. 鈥楧on鈥檛 both your mums do that?鈥 asks the other child. And she replies, 鈥楨xactly鈥.鈥
Books that celebrate LGBTQ+ families
- The Great Big Book of Families by Mary Hoffman and Ros Asquith
- Kenny Lives with Erica and Martina by Olly Pike
- The Family Book by Todd Parr
- And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell
- Who's Your Real Mum? by Bernadette Green and Anna Zobel
Find out more
- Read more about Lew and Rich's experiences as adoptive parents on their blog or by following them on Instagram -
- Follow Sarah and Laura鈥檚 parenting journey on Instagram -
