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Simon Doonan now living in New York, remembers his extraordinary childhood growing up in Reading during the 90s where glamour was in short supply and his extended family were far from the beautiful people he and his best friend Kyle, known as Kylie, longed to move amongst.

Simon remembers his mother's experiments with the occult and his grandmother's return from a mental hospital, which saw her change rather radically from the nicest granny in the world. Featuring conjoined twins and a bingo caller.