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Woman’s Hour is following four mums who gave birth a year ago for our series Bump, Birth and Beyond.

Jen Barratt, Laura Horrocks, Charlotte Dore and Rowan Lawton spoke to reporter Abigail Hollick about what they have learnt in the year since their children were born.

1. Be kind to yourself

“Be kind to yourself, because you’re talking to a baby all day, you’re tired because it’s a 24-hour job, you’re working non-stop”, suggests Laura, mum to one-year-old Ruby.

“It’s going to be hard work, you’re going to be tired, you’re going to be emotional, it’s perfectly normal.

“Take some time for you when your husband comes home from work, when your friends come round. Take the opportunity to have a nice hot bath, a bit of pampering.”

2. You’re stronger and more resilient that you think

“I’ve learnt that I am more resilient and able to cope with more than I thought I would”, says Rowan, mum to one-year-old Kit. Rowan is a single parent, having used a sperm donor to conceive Kit.

“On a practical level, I am able to cope with less sleep than I thought I would, I’m able to get us out of the door on time whilst juggling four bags, she’s crying, you haven’t fed her yet...all the practical side of it. I am back at work full-time, I don’t live in London, but I work in London.

“It’s because of the other people in my life. I don’t think you can be resilient just on your own, it’s about the support network and the set up around you."

“I’m much stronger in myself, I back myself more”, says Jen, mum to Annie and one-year-old Rudy.

“I suppose I have more confidence because you’ve given yourself confidence - you’ve seen what you can do.

“I’m much more forthright in how I interact with the world. I don’t have time or energy to worry about how I’m coming across.”

3. It’s OK to feel like you’re winging it

“It’s OK to feel like you’re winging it, because there isn’t a manual. Every baby and every mum is going to be different”, says Laura.

“So if you don’t know what you’re doing, that’s perfectly normal, you’ll learn your own way of doing stuff.”

4. The cliches about your love for your child are true

“It’s a deeply moving experience at times”, according to Jen. “You can be in the most mundane situation, and just like a couple of minutes of interaction with this kid that’s yours, it’s deeply, deeply satisfying on an emotional, spiritual level.”

“She’s just like my little best friend, she’s my world, every day she makes me smile”, says Laura.

“You think you love your husband, it’s not like the love you have for a child”.

Rowan agrees: “I’ve learnt that all the cliches about motherhood and the kind of love you have for a child being different from anything else you’ve felt, are absolutely true.”

5. Community is important

“I’ve learnt to use the facilities and things in my community that I didn’t use before,” says Charlotte, mum to one-year-old Oscar.

“I think I used the public library once before I had my son, you know the week before we moved in because I didn’t have the internet. I now go to various singing and baby groups and take him to the library. Learning how to be part of my community, which is a lovely change”.

“Establish a group of mum friends, set up a Whatsapp group with them because they really do keep you sane”, suggests Laura.

“You think that you’re going through all this, you’re not alone. Especially if you’re all a similar age...you can just compare notes and moan to each other.”

6. A baby can increase respect in your relationship

“I’ve learnt to trust and respect my partner much more”, says Jen.

“He’s really shown up and been impressive. I’ve got much more respect for him by having kids with him.

“He’s much better than I am at most things with the children, like putting them to bed, getting them dressed without them having a tantrum, getting them out the door.

“Before we had kids, I was walking around with the assumption that I was better than him at most things and actually, I’m not.”

7. ‘Me time’ can disappear

“One thing I’ve learnt is the absence of any real alone time”, says Charlotte.

“If I’m not with Oscar, I’m at work and if there’s a point at which I’m not in the office, or doing something for Oscar, then actually what I need to be doing is domestic tasks or checking my work phone. It’s the absence of any time to do nothing.”

“You can’t abandon your child and go out to a show, you’ve got to put your baby first and that’s quite hard to get used to”, Laura says.

“But you reach a point where you can’t actually be bothered, just want to curl up on the sofa with Ruby.”

Rowan says she tries hard to carve out ‘me time’.

“I am on my own with Kit, so when I am with her I want her to have me on good form in the time she does have me, and I still need time to myself beyond work. So every two weeks I will get a babysitter and I’ll do something with friends at the weekend.

“I’ve started a stay-over in London on Wednesday nights. My parents have her so I can focus on work and frankly see my friends and have a night’s sleep. I’m not going to be a martyr to motherhood.”

8. You might feel guilty about wanting to go back to work

“The only thing I did feel guilty about was my desire to go back to work when I was ready and Oscar was probably seven or eight months old”, Charlotte admits.

“That felt a bit difficult because other people were like ‘oh I’m dreading going back to work, I love being at home with my baby’. I love my baby, my son is the best thing that’s ever happened to me hands down, however, I’m not an at-home mum.”

9. Rice cakes can save the day

“Don’t ever, under any circumstances, go out of the house without a packet of rice cakes”, warns Jen.

“Rice cakes are like the only way you can get through a meal in a restaurant or a pub. They’re the best.”

You can read what the dads felt they had learnt in their first year of fatherhood here.
There’s more information about the series, Birth, Bump and Beyond on the Woman’s Hour website.

For help and advice on all aspects of pregnancy, birth and your child's early days check out the or the .