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Help me out - crushes

As we grow up, our bodies change – and so do our feelings.

What is a crush?

A crush is when you have intense feelings for someone, and you start to think of them as more than just a friend.

It’s totally normal to have a crush on someone (or more than one person) when you’re growing up – but that doesn’t always mean it’s easy to deal with!

How does it feel?

Having a crush on someone can make you feel lots of different things (often at the same time, which can be confusing!).

It can be –

  • Exciting and fun thinking about your feelings for the person

  • New and overwhelming – you might not have felt like this before

  • Scary or daunting – you’re not quite sure what you’re supposed to do

  • Embarrassing – you might not want people to know

You might feel giddy, or even nervous or shy – particularly when you see the person you like.

You might also feel negative things, like being upset or jealous, if that person doesn’t pay you attention or spends time with other people – or worry about how they feel about you.

All these feelings are a natural part of working through a new experience so try not to let a crush stress you out too much.

Sometimes people around you (often grown ups) won’t take your crush seriously, which is really frustrating. For you, it is serious, and that’s OK.

What should you do?

If you have a crush on someone, should you tell them, or someone else? Should you hide it?

It’s totally up to you!

There is no one way to deal with having a crush.

If you do decide to tell the person, you’re probably hoping they feel the same way – but be prepared that they might not.

You might want to chat to your friends about how you feel, or find out if they’ve been through something similar. It can be fun to share your feelings with your mates, but don’t feel pressurised into telling someone about your crush if you don’t want to.

Sometimes people get teased or bullied because of their crush – if that happens to you, remember that your feelings are nothing to be ashamed of, and tell an adult if you need some help with the situation.

If someone doesn’t feel the same way

It can be really hard if you tell someone you like them and they don’t feel the same way.

You might feel really sad or upset (some people call it heartbreak), like your confidence may have been crushed or that the horrible feeling will last forever (it won’t).

You might also feel awkward or embarrassed that they know – but you haven’t done anything wrong by having a crush so try not to feel too bad.

You might feel like they said no because something is wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you, this just wasn’t a match for them.

It is important that if someone doesn’t like you in that way, or just wants to be friends, you respect their decision and don’t put pressure on them to change their feelings.

If someone has a crush on you

It can also be awkward or embarrassing if you find out someone has a crush on you, and you don’t feel the same way.

If that happens, remember to treat them as you would like to be treated – don’t tease them or be mean to them. Try to be clear about how you feel and what you want, but be kind.

And if you do like them back, great! You can enjoy getting to know them better.

Getting over heartbreak

If you’ve had your heart broken it can be very difficult, especially if it’s the first time this has happened to you.

Don’t feel like you have to go through it alone – talk to someone you trust about how you feel.

In can feel like you’ll never stop feeling this way. It’s not a nice feeling, but it doesn’t last forever.

You’ll probably find that most people have gone through something similar and they might be able to share their experiences with you.

Knowing what’s OK and not OK

Sometimes we have crushes on people who we could never have a relationship with in real life, like a celebrity or pop star or even a teacher.

Lots of people experience those feelings as part of growing up.

However, it’s important to understand that it is just a crush and nothing else, and that your feelings will fade over time.

An adult should never encourage you to have a crush on them, and if they do you should tell another adult immediately.

Enjoy it!

Having crushes and liking other people a lot is a normal part of growing up, so try to have fun and enjoy the positive feelings!

And remember, you can’t always avoid having your heart broken but it doesn’t last forever.

For more information about organisations which offer advice and support, check out the Advice Helplines page.

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