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Find out more about what happens, and the feelings we experience, when someone dies.

When someone dies it means their body has stopped working, they won’t be coming back. Often it’s because that person was very poorly and sometimes it can be very sudden, like an accident, which can be surprising, scary and upsetting. Whether it’s a parent, grandparent, sibling, friend or a pet, death is part of life. But it is really hard to deal with, so it’s important to understand it, and how it may affect you.

When a person dies, it can be really difficult for the loved ones left behind. You might feel lonely not having them around, one minute you may feel sad, the next minute angry. These mixed-up feelings are called grief and are completely natural. We all grieve differently; some people might cry a lot, whilst others might not cry at all. There’s no right or wrong way. Although you might not like some of the feelings, it’s really important to let your feelings out rather than bottle them up. Sometimes a good cry can help – especially if it’s with someone you love and trust.

Friends can be a huge support, but you may find some don’t know what to say to you, especially if they haven’t experienced grief themselves. They may avoid saying anything for fear of upsetting you. Just be yourself with them and remember they still care, they’re just not sure how to help you.

If one of your friends is dealing with a death then the most important thing you can do is to be a good listener. Take your cue from them – when they’re ready to talk they’ll let you know. Talking about the person that’s died and about good memories can help them make sense of their complex emotions. If they don’t want to talk, that’s fine too, sometimes just being there is support enough. Don’t feel that there’s anything you shouldn’t say. Your friend will tell you to treat them as you always have done, not being too careful or weird. If you’re in doubt, check it out with them. They’ll tell you.

Some signs that someone is struggling with grief are if they stop washing, eating, hanging out with friends, attending school or even purposefully hurting themselves. If you’re worried that they’re not coping then encourage them to speak to a trusted adult.

Different cultures and religions deal with death in different ways. There are different beliefs about what’s happened to that person. Sometimes there’s a celebration of that person’s life or a memorial and in most cultures there’s a funeral. Although funerals can be hard, they can help people come to terms with what’s happened and allow them to say goodbye to that person. Sometimes there’s a wake straight after the funeral when people get together. It can be confusing at a wake as people often laugh, swap stories and good memories, but that doesn’t mean they’re not sad. It’s important to remember, there is no right or wrong way to feel at a funeral, it’s OK to feel sad and to cry and it’s OK not to, everyone reacts in different ways.

It is OK to choose not to go to a funeral. Think about what is right for you. If you are finding this difficult consider how ‘future-you’ will feel if you decide to go or not go, this may help you make your decision. Talking to family or friends who have been to a funeral may help you make an informed choice.

People can react in different ways and this can change over time. It might be hard to believe at the time, but as you grieve your feelings will start to change and at some point you might not feel as sad as you once did. It could take weeks or months, but grief is a process and you will feel better in time.

However you feel when someone dies, there is support available:

For information about organisations which can offer more advice on a range of issues, check out the advice helplines page.