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The Dark Night to Incredible Hulk

Graeme Swann | 06:41 UK time, Friday, 20 June 2008

Scroll down to read my answers to your questions

A lot was said after our , but as far as I'm concerned the umpires had no choice at all other than to call it off when they did.

Anyone who questions the timing of the abandonment is just being ludicrous.

It was a no-brainer. By the time we went off they were the darkest conditions I've ever played in by a long way - even with the white ball it was too dark. I couldn't see past the end of my nose.

The rain, having started a few overs before, was pelting it down by the end of the 19th over and, quite simply, it was getting too dangerous to play meaningful cricket.

I know New Zealand will have been frustrated by it, but no more than the England team were.

People might think there was relief in the England dressing room but there certainly wasn't. The match was very much up for grabs for both sides and, more than anything, it is genuinely irksome when you put in all the hard work, preparation and then effort out on the pitch, and it means nothing.

We had spent much of the day killing time. I had a few throw-downs - though that only resulted in me and a few of the boys 'bundling' fielding coach Richard Hasall for whipping in his throw-downs far too hard! (see below) - while some did Sudoku or crosswords or whatever.

BUNDLE!!!

But more than anything, the time when you can't play is just boring and, from that point of view, I can sympathise with the fans, who must have been very frustrated.

I can also understand the questions about the 30-minute break taken between the two innings.

To be honest, the players and management were all ready - and simply expected - a quick turnaround after our innings had ended and it was a bit of a surprise when we didn't. We didn't realise that for the umpires the break was non-negotiable.

I'm sure there'll be something said or done about it by the ICC for future matches.

As for [Kiwi skipper] , that was certainly not something I was even remotely aware of.

I have to be 100% honest here, and I may take some stick because of it, but I was genuinely working on the premise that the game became 'official' once New Zealand had batted 10 overs - just as is the case in county cricket!

In fact, even as we were walking off, I thought we'd lost! Maybe the Kiwis give us too much credit with accusations of gamesmanship...

At the end of the day, it's just another furore that has followed a match. First it was KP's switch-hitting, now it is this - we're getting quite used to it! I can't wait to see what the next rumble is about!

Who said that? What? Is anyone there??

Now we head to Bristol for the third one-dayer and, after the frustration of Edgbaston, all the players just hope the weather holds out.

New Zealand may feel that a chance to win was taken away from them on Wednesday, but that will probably only make them more determined to come at us hard next game.

For us, I guess it's good that we're at least 1-0 up with three to play.

There were a number of positive performances for us to take out of the game at Edgbaston - Luke Wright hitting the ball as hard and as far as anyone in a terrific knock being just one example.

We're obviously nowhere near the finished article as a one-day side yet, but I'd like to think we're really starting to gel as a unit and that's showing in our performances.

We're playing some good cricket, as we have done for a while now, but we're doing it on a more consistent basis and the aim is to obviously play like we did at Durham in the first game every time we play, whoever we play against.

The template of someone getting a hundred and a few others getting quickfire 50s, along with all the bowlers chipping in with wickets and tight lines, is what we aim for every time we step out onto the field.

And that's what we'll be looking for come Saturday.


In my last column I invited you to send me in your questions and here I'm going to do my best to answer a few of them...

Comedy gold or psychopathic killer?!On the subject of Graeme and the picture of him wearing the RAF beret. I'm not sure whether he looks like a Stephen King character of inner turmoil and terror, or a modern day Windsor Davis from it Ain't 'alf Hot Mum... Either way, it scares me. (Liz)

Ha ha - I haven't actually seen the picture yet. My mate texted me saying if ever there was a man to look silly trying on a hat, he knew it'd be me. Oops.

I was wondering, normally in Tests and ODIs Stuart Broad's shirt number is number 39. But recently in the T20 and in the start of The New Zealand ODIs, his number has been number 8? Why has his number changed? (hannarrx)

When you play they ask you what number you want to wear. For me, whereas I used to be 24 when I first came in, by the time I got back into the England set-up KP had pinched that, and so I was just given 66. There's no great reasoning behind it. As for Broady, he probably grabbed eight as a statement that's where he wants to be batting in future, bless 'im.

With all the invention in cricket lately, it feels as if the bowlers are being left behind - are there any "new" deliveries that Graham is trying to develop or that he is had heard other players trying to develop? (hywel1010)

There's not that much invention in cricket, just one guy who can switch hands and smack it out of the park! But other than the thousands of variations I and other bowlers use, there's none that I'm aware of that will 'change' cricket or anything. If I did try anything too out of the ordinary, I know I would just end up looking silly.

And, for the record, it's GraEME - Graham shows no class, come on...

Could you ask Graeme Swann if he enjoyed his birthday over the New Year period. I was at the darts world championship semi-finals and Graeme, Sidey and Alistair Cook were all in the VIP section. When I was on the bus into town, Swanny and his friends asked me directions to Soho as they were celebrating his birthday, just wondering if he enjoyed it. (James, London)

Ah mate, it was a cracking night and will live long in the memory. Even now, when someone hits a boundary in cricket and that 'darts' tune comes over the PA system - da-da-da-da-da-da-da, you know the one - we all give each other a knowing look.

Oh, and cheers for the directions. In fact, it's a shame you weren't there to help me today because I got lost driving to my hotel in Bristol. It's amazing, but my sat-nav gave me 15 different routes to the same ol' dead end. Sid (Ryan Sidebottom) wasn't best pleased either because he was following me. Sorry about that Sid.

And finally... If given the choice of receiving an alpaca (a camel-type goat) or a warthog as a house warming gift, were you to buy a 4 bedroom house in Norfolk, would you: a) choose warthog b) choose alpaca c) perform a dance explaining the life cycle of an avocado; or d) challenge Cliff Thorburn to an arm wrestle? (Mystic Fink - Psychic to the stars)

Erm, what are you on son? Seriously? If I have to, I guess I'd have to go with D) Thorburn in an arm wrestle. But only left-handed. And I'd win.

That's it for now, me and Sid are off to watch that Incredible Hulk film at the cinema. Keep your questions coming folks and I'll answer a selection in my next column.

Cheers,
Graeme.

Graeme Swann was talking to Sam Lyon.

Comments

  • Comment number 1.

    I was just wondering if Graeme has seen his wikipedia entry which describes him as arrogant for writing this column when he's only a, 'part-time,' member of the England squad. A bit harsh if you ask me.....

  • Comment number 2.

    Swannie was clearly not at the game on Wednesday. The game started at 3pm, it should have got going earlier as the clouds were high in the sky and the track reasonably dry. Punters paying £55 each were made to suffer and despair so the ECB could get their 24.1 overs in, for it to constitute a no refund.

  • Comment number 3.

    I am astonished that an international cricketer would be playing in an ODI without knowing the rules.

    It may be complicated but surely the whole team must be intimately aware of the ramifications or shortened matches as Duckworth / Lewis computations.

    If you came off the pitch seriously not knowing the result, something is seriously adrift. It's your job to know the rules inside out. I hope you'll take the trouble to study them carefully before the next game.

    Good luck on Saturday.

  • Comment number 4.

    I saw The Incredible Hulk on Wednesday, Graeme, and to be perfectly honest I enjoyed the trailers and the Orange advert much more.

    Also, who would you consider to be the Hulk of the England team? Mild-mannered to start off with but could explode with rage at any moment? Ian Bell maybe?

  • Comment number 5.

    Just had a look at the wikipedia entry, that is ridiculous what they are saying about graeme writing columns when not in team, He is asked to by the bbc , papers etc, does not do it off own back for own good!

    Id have a word swanny boy!

  • Comment number 6.

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

  • Comment number 7.

    Let me get this straight then Graeme. New Zealand need 7 runs from 6 balls to win the match. They had McCullum well set and batting well. England didn't look remotely like taking a wicket, and yet you thought the match was up for grabs?!

    Why can't the England team be honest and admit they dodged a bullet Wednesday night?

  • Comment number 8.

    This is exactly what is putting me off the England team for the last few years now, the patronising interviews they give.
    How the England team can continually not even hint at been honest in saying that they got off with a miracle at Edgbaston when they were staring defeat in the face.

    Collingwoods interview was a disgrace where he was saying that England were just as dissapointed to come off as New Zealand were, was that why Mr Collingwood was in the umpires ear taking an eternity to get through the overs as the bad weather was coming? He also tried to say the paying customers wouldn't be going home with a sour taste left in their mouth because they got to see more cricket than they expected, I suggest some of the England players start paying top whack to see these games and be treat with the contempt the fans were on Wednesday and still tell me it didn't leave a sour taste in the mouth.

    It was an awful advert for cricket yet again on Wednesday and if Team England didn't see that then I fear they are wrapped up too cosily in their protected Team England bubble.

  • Comment number 9.

    Nickyboje

    Well said. Sitting in the freezing cold...Grateful for what. On-off cricket is not good to watch, it disjoints the players rhythm and wanes the fans' enthusiasm. A poor show boys and the t**ts at the ECB.

  • Comment number 10.

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

  • Comment number 11.

    Hey Swanny, was just wondering.. since you have facebook, do you read all of the messages you get from fans??

    Good luck for the upcoming ODI matches! Hope you lads will win :)

  • Comment number 12.

    "Anyone who questions the timing of the abandonment is just being ludicrous."

    You're tarring a lot of respected individuals within the cricket world with that giant brush. I've seen plenty of experts come out and criticise the decision over the past few days.

    You are right to say that the conditions were such that the match needed to be abandoned. The contentious issue for me is this: was the weather at the end of the 19th over any worse than the weather at the end of the 18th over, or the theoretical 20th over? I doubt it.

  • Comment number 13.

    All the people watching knew what was going on - it was crystal clear from the looks on the players faces from respective sides. To suggest otherwise and dismiss as ludicrous the views of a large section of the paying public and your peers and predecessors is patronising and arrogant. You can only bite the hand that feeds you so many times before it gets withdrawn.

    A refreshing change would be for someone on the England team to come down with a dose of honesty and admit that they were lucky. Please don't insult our intelligence again.

    Actually, incredulous as I am at the thought that a professional sportsman is at any time unaware of the situation, the rest of your comments make me think that you might be telling the truth...

  • Comment number 14.

    Come on you guys - what are you trying to say? That there was some evil conspiracy between the England captain, the team, the umpires and the match referee to say that it was impossible to continue? Get real -there was no conspiracy of any kind.

    Luke Wright also observed how difficult it was to bat with rain pouring into his face......

    The fact is, the weather spoilt it, and yes, Vettori was disappointed (although he spoilt it rather when making his allegations about slow over rates - 'it's gamesmanship and I would have done the same'); how many thousand times has that been so in all forms of cricket? If you want an indoor game well OK but don't go to somewhere outdoors.... Having sat through umpteen matches with the rain pouring down and the brolly up and nobody out there on the pitch, well guess what, it's life.

    The only thing which was a bit silly was the 30-minute interval and I see that steps have been taken to change that already.

  • Comment number 15.

    I would echo Estsark's (#12) comments...

    "Anyone who questions the timing of the abandonment is just being ludicrous."

    You're tarring a lot of respected individuals within the cricket world with that giant brush. I've seen plenty of experts come out and criticise the decision over the past few days.
    -----------------------------------------

    I would also say that any international cricketer who doesn't know that 20 overs constitutes a match is also 'just being ridiculous.'

    As for not 'even being remotely aware' of your slow over rate, England being as frustrated as NZ at the result, and the game being 'up for grabs,' those comments just defy belief.

    And yes Vettori said the England team had employed some gamesmanship, but he also at least was honest enough to have said that had NZ been in the same position they would've probably done the same.

    This is the second time I've read your blog, Mr Swann, and it will be the last. What a load of patronising, rose-tinted tosh.

  • Comment number 16.

    Girlfan (#14)

    Come on you guys - what are you trying to say? That there was some evil conspiracy between the England captain, the team, the umpires and the match referee to say that it was impossible to continue? Get real -there was no conspiracy of any kind.
    ----------------------------------------

    I don't think anyone's saying it's a conspiracy, I think people are taking umbrage with what Swan is saying, and how he's saying it.

  • Comment number 17.

    So are you saying that Graeme Swann should be a total genius media performer and should have his every word examined in the sort of forensic way we'd expect in a court of law? Oh, the obliqueness of the accusation - I don't like the way he's said this that and the other, I don't like his rose-tinted attitude blah blah blah.

    For crying out loud, Swann is a sportsman, not a media performer. or an actor. I've seen this kind of reaction so many times on this website and it shows how lacking in understanding some contributors are.

    I want to see the England team performing on the pitch. I don't give a monkey's about how they appear to the not-quite-so-objective-as-they-think-they-are media or indeed fans who just want to pick holes in every word and sentence they utter (invited by said media).

  • Comment number 18.

    well said girlfanLondon.

    I was very suprised that 20 overs needed to be bowled, but hey.
    Leave Swanny alone - he plays the cricket, he doesn't make the rules of it
    Qs for Swanny
    1 - what do you think of hawkeye - as a batter and a bowler? Should it be used more often?
    2 - Do you enjoy pinch hitting at the top of the order?
    3 - Will you be able to play any 20 20s for Notts if they make the quarters of finals day?

  • Comment number 19.

    oops, quarters OR finals day.
    finals day has the semis not the quarters

  • Comment number 20.

    Hi Swanny,
    As England prepare to play at Bristol, I can see the rain pouring down outside my window. After all it is the longest day of the year! You guys must spend a serious wedge of your lives hanging around and waiting to play because of our dire weather. How do you amuse yourselves in the English dressing room? Are there any of the guys who resembled caged tigers, or are you all cool as cucumbers? Is it that easy to switch back on to the match, or have you been caught out thinking about your last chess move/hand of cards/I spy game instead of cricket?

  • Comment number 21.

    As it's an international match, why can't the ECB factor in a "reserve" day, as has been known to occur in World Cup games where the weather is likely to intervene. As things turned out, Warwickshire were playing an away game on the Thursday, so this arrangement would have caused them no disruption at all. Any thoughts...

  • Comment number 22.


    Plenty of international cricketers are not aware of the rules. In Shaun Pollock's case, a dressing room miscalculation cost him his wicket. We saw a World Cup Final where difficult rules were in operation. Practically every England spectator gave Michael Kasprowicz out in the Ashes when technically it was an incorrect decision. Few players and even fewer spectators would have been aware of that rule.

    All teams use gamesmanship. All teams give media releases to cover up the fact they played badly. If they were honest, Vettori would have been on the floor howling and crying after the Second Test saying how the Kiwis had bottled it bigtime and thrown the game away. Admittedly if we had honesty we'd have had some hilarious 'South Africa have bottled it' performances in the media circus.

  • Comment number 23.

    Just wondering when Dr Comfort and the Luid Revelations will be making their next appearence.

  • Comment number 24.

    Yes it was dark Swanny and you may not have been able to see the end of your chin but domestic Twenty20 is played in those positions to block refunds. ..Get on with it! Would you have come off if it was the Stanford game? Err, no...

  • Comment number 25.

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

  • Comment number 26.

    Hi Graeme
    I was at the game on Saturday at Bristol (situated in the 'mental' stand which initiated that extraordinarily well organised mexican wave.)
    Firstly..I'd like to say that you saved England from a huge embarrassment, and my mum in particular took a shine to you, saying 'I like him, that Graeme Eagle, he's made of the right stuff, in't he.'
    Praise indeed.
    But my question is:
    Would you rather have a test century or a number one platinum album?

    and..
    if you had to have a cricket team made up entirely of non-cricketing celebrities, who would your top 11 be?

    We also made you a chant on Saturday:
    'Go Go Graeme Eagle, la la la..'
    It's a winner.

    Eloise, Bristol

  • Comment number 27.

    I was at this game and yes, the conditions had worsened dramatically by the end of the 19th over - with reference to the comment above, they were much worse than at the end of the 18th, the rain started pouring down, umbrellas were going up rapidly and they had no choice but to go off.

    But did Graeme Swann seriously not know that 20 overs were needed for a result until the team walked off? I don't necessarily blame him for not knowing this himself, but why didn't someone tell him before the end of the match?

    I would have thought that a competent captain or coach would have made this rule quite clear to the team in a game where it looked like 20 overs a side might not be possible, as it had potential to affect the result (and indeed did so). Either Swann is making things up or there are serious team management issues here.

    More generally I think the England team still don't quite understand that people who are paying £55 a ticket expect some entertainment. They often rather give the impression that they are playing the game for their own benefit and that the spectators who pay their wages are an incidental irritation who can be messed about by whatever means they find appropriate, be it slow over rates or whatever.

    At least 2020 is starting to sweep this attitude away, shame England haven't caught up with it yet.

  • Comment number 28.

    Swanny isa stand up comedian off the park too, his memorable 30 minute piece at Northampton emptying the bars. .

    The bars were in the same room as him.

    Monty 0-27 off 2 overs. Your place is still safe.

  • Comment number 29.

    Forget about the cricket, tell us more about the night out in Soho!

  • Comment number 30.

    Hi Graeme,

    Thanks for your reply last week. Just to clarify though, an alpaca is not a camel like goat. It is a kind of llama with a floppy fringe.

    Anyway. This week I was wondering what you would do about the scourge of our city centres? The urban seagull. Are you in favour of culling or a more humane approach? If so what?

    Ta.

  • Comment number 31.

    I was at the game on Saturday too and would love to know if the players get distracted by Mexican waves, streakers, fancy dress, inflatable bananas, beer snakes et al. What's the best inflatable* you've seen?

    *at the cricket obviously - not during your birthday outing to Soho.

  • Comment number 32.

    Swanny me old china.... If you will excuse the expression.

    You must be sick as a parrot....

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