So you have a son?
Social services are coming to assess my care needs on Thursday. It's only taken Adults and Communities 18 months to get around to seeing me. Funny how since I got an advocate on board things seem to be moving more quickly. Doesn't stop me feeling scared though. All sorts of 'what ifs' are going through my mind.
The biggest fear is "What if they take my son away from me?"
This is ridiculous because plenty of health workers have seen me in a far worse state than I am in at the moment. No one tried to take my son away when I needed intensive help from family for months after being in hospital. But that was because family was around, plus I was with a partner. Low priority.
Social services in my experience rely heavily on the supposedly limitless resources of family to cope with long-term illness. My relationship broke down. My Grandma has developed senile dementia so my Mum, who has her own health problems, can't be expected to be my full-time carer, as they would like. I don't know if I need a full-time carer even.
I've surprised myself with how I have adapted to single motherhood. The hard work is worth it just to see my son happier. But things could be so much better. I need to think carefully about what in an ideal world could be put in place to improve my health. Then I will need to ask for it.
They will ask me, no doubt, what my son does to 'look after mum'. I remember feeling sick last time this invidious little question popped up. My son is not a Young Carer. Been there, done that. He hated it. I told him after a few YC outings that he didn't have to go. I could see how he was struggling with having this label put on him. My son is a child... who like any other his age can take his plate out after dinner and be gently persuaded to put his socks in the laundry basket. Yes I could get him to do more. But I won't. I don't want him to have to learn how to cook just yet.
Actually, I know what I do want. I want a PA. I want one because I would like to be in less pain and have more energy to do enjoyable things with my son. The stuff a PA could do is really grinding me down.
So there you go. That's what I want. Now I just have to convince them.
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Comments
I can't see why there would be a question of your suitability as a parent. Social workers do not as a general rule go into these situations looking for reasons to take children away from parents who care for them. Not these days anyway - in the past yes.
What they will want to know is what sort of support, if any, you need as a parent to carry out your parenting role and depending on the age of your son what sort of emergency procedures are in line in the event of your health deteriorating.
If anything social services fail to take into account the needs of children who's parents have disabilities - who takes them to the normal social stuff kids go to when accessible transport is so bad.
Your son's situation should be taken into account in any assessment but it should be about allowing you to be his parent not about taking over.
Good luck with your assessment and getting through the minefield of funding.
Common sense should prevail, and a lot of what you say is common sense. But these visits can be very stressful, even when just considering the concentration required to answer questions for two hours. I am not alone in having these fears. I've just voiced them. But yes, I hope tomorrow is an entirely positive experience, with both our needs taken into account and then acted on quickly. Thanks for your good wishes.
They are stressful, if you need someone with you to support you or need a break that'll generally be acceptable.
Social workers get a lot of flak and yeah they make mistakes but they can also be a support and advocate.
I'd always suggest to people to be as prepared as possible before the worker comes in to your house and make sure the worker knows what you want. If they do Direct Payments in your area make sure the social worker knows you want a PA and you can frighten them a bit by talking about the Independent Living Fund as well.
Seriously - good luck tomorrow, hope you get an experienced worker who knows their stuff.
Thanks. Will go and quickly look up something on the Independent Living Fund.
I do have an advocate as back-up should it all go wrong. When you say be prepared I hope I don't have to have the place spotless. It isn't. But neither is it knee-deep in cockroaches. Roll on tomorrow evening when it'll all be over.