91Èȱ¬

Russian psychologists run classes to cure Claustrophobia

You mean the job's only seasonal?

The Russians decide to join in when they hear George Osbourne is waiving the Fuel duty increase

It's definitely wet. Rudolph the Red knows rain, Dear.

Father Christmas has to audition a new reindeer after Comet goes into administration

The Lib Dems give a mixed reception to the Autumn Statement

DJ Otzi Does Christmas!

In Russia, Father Christmas doesn't say "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

He says "Hello, good evening, and welcome."

"Hang on," thought Matilda. "I should be seated on the groom's side."

And then, as the grand finale to our pantomime, our President appears in top hat and tails and sings "Putin' on the Ritz"

It was about to become horribly apparent that the rehearsal arrangements for the "Hokey-Cokey" had not been thought through properly.

The Rafa Benitez appreciation society waves goodbye to the Champions League.

There were few entertainers left for the Christmas pantomimes after Operation Yewtree

Ze people at ze back, you vill stay behind after class and recite ve haf vays of making you vave

Well, someone should have told us the Royal Variety Performance wasn't fancy dress

Pantomime: (RPT;ST;W) Reality documentary, revealing what really happens at the House of Commons. Warning: Viewers may find some scenes distressing.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

Alan Titchmarsh asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I said "Ho! Ho! Ho!" So he gave me three garden implements.

Santa shows how he delivers presents to every child in the world in one evening ... his wife helps him

To many it would be a fair audience, but to Justin Bieber it was a first warning his career might be on the slide..

Roman Abramovich was personally taking charge of training after his teams recent performances

Audiences are slow to take to it, but make a valiant attempt as the Rocky Horror Show tours Russia.

Some of the delegates at the Superman Convention regret booking their costumes so late

Hands up all of you who suffer from Seasonal Jaded Syndrome.

What the tabloids' theatre critics actually look like

Hands-up who wants a sweetie?

Worried about his junior staff, Santa had brought his employees on an Elf and Safety Course

Right, try this one on then:
Hi-- HANG ON A MINUTE! That's DAVID Frost. NOT Jack Frost! You lied to us!

Tonight's guest tutor: Queen Elizabeth II

So that's who watches Channel Five

Others may try to be typecast for the part, but there is only one father frost and it's me, waving right here in the red, not waving over there!

Ok,the votes are in........it's work-to-rule this year.

Vladimir Putin and Pussy Riot make friends for Xmas, ...but was Medvedev standing in?

The latest Alan Bennett play gets a lukewarm reception from the coach party from Nizhny Novgorod

George Osborne's new idea of a Chimney Tax did not seem popular at the cabinet meeting.

Russian authorities find a new way to cheer up drivers snowbound in the 3 day - 125 mile traffic jam to St Petersburg

With presents to deliver to every house Santa is always Russian at Christmas

They were clearly Bolsheviks, you never see rebels without a Claus

The voiceover artistes for CompareTheMeerket are treated to an evening at the theatre to celebrate the successs of the adverts

training school: how to get a signal on your mobile

reversing roles with the audience left the stalls rather empty and the stage a bit cramped

For the slackers in the back it would prove to be a long day....no fairytale ending was in store for them.

Looking back the early innovators of Perestroika are seen not to be your typical career politicians.

The local production of 'Hansel & Grotto' turned out to be a massive flop

C of E strongly denies that the General Synod is becoming "a pantomime".

To their astonishment, the Australian DJs went completely unnoticed at the Cabinet meeting.

Grimms Ancient And Modern

The voiceover artistes for CompareTheMeerkat are treated to an evening at the theatre to celebrate the success of the adverts

(correction)

In preparation for their phoning the Duchess of Cambridge's Hospital, these reporters from Pravda practise their royal waves

"Hands up if you think you would be more popular than Raffa Benitez as the manager of Chelsea".
"Unfortunately", thought Roman sitting at the back, "they are probably right".

"If you have been affected by issues in this Nativity play..."

Under Putin's new law the fairies have to own up to being foreign agents

The grass is always greener on the other hat.

The way things were going, St Nick wasn't going to be on the front benches for much longer.

The Russian audience had booked to see Les Miserables months ahead, but started booing when Les himself failed to make an appearance

After the recent scandals, Harrod's insists that their Santa must sit at least forty feet away from any child, on the other side of a ten-foot-wide moat

Unfortunately, Santa had put his clothes on backwards, and spent the whole evening saying "Oh! Oh! Oh!"

Harry was getting fed up. Ever since he'd bought his car insurance from that comparison website, he'd had lots of foreign people hanging around waving, and thanking him in a strange accent.

Boris had designed the beard himself. It was just long enough to conceal a litre bottle of Smirnoff.

OK, so the New Wimbledon Theatre may have hired Priscilla Presley for this year's pantomime, but we at the Regal in downtown Omsk have secured the services of none other than Olga-Jane Smellianovskovich for this year's 'Peter Pan'!

I still reckon Peter Pan woudl have been better with Abu Hamza

I still reckon Peter Pan would have been better with Abu Hamza

The Monster Raving Loony Party conference gets into full swing

Rudolph sensed that his argument for a vegetarian Christmas at the North Pole as an economy measure hadn't been well received. As soon as he'd asked 'Who wants to eat dear meat?', he knew it had been a mistake immediately.

KBG operatives learn the dark art of blending in unobtrusively

And on the other side of the poorly attended pantomime, the coach party from Nuneaton pointed out it ‘was behind him’. Seven times they had to do that, but they still enjoyed the dressing up, and the packed supper on the trip back.

And, if intending to turn the automobile to the right, extend the RIGHT arm to its fullest extent, remembering, of course, to open the window first

The latest round of X-Factor auditions confirms Simon Cowell's fears that the public is starting to lose interest.

Father Frost and other Russian fairytale characters were beginning to regret those extra two pints they'd drunk with lunch.

Pussy Riot fans come out at their comeback concert

The Lib-Dems throw off their eccentric image and grow up at last

He now knows for sure you've been naughty...

David Miliband, incognito, at the UKIP rally..

You're all sacked. You should have waited for the 'Simon says'.

(Bloke at the back in the jumper) Vladimir will not be amused...

Nick griffin and his colleagues liked their new salute but were a little unsure about the uniforms

(Somewhere in Siberia) So when is it not winter?

Those not passing the exam will be brought back at Easter...

The Brothers Grimmsky

Hands up all those who believe Father Christmas is a capitalist conspiracy.

Now, finally, who remembered to put on the sprouts...

Time to pull your wool socks up, the Salvation Army must be defeated.

Santaland Diaries, the musical.

So who wants an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, Comrades?

Spies like us, indeed.

Motion carried, we're buying a football team.

Last on the list: Wills and Kate - Nice?

Right, the Christmas dinner choices are: venison, chicken, or fish; how many for venison?

Alright, whose sleigh is on the double lines by the front entry?

Local news channel uncovers impact of austerity measures on the town's fancy dress shop.

In a new Disney documentary, Santa finds out what happens to fairy tale characters when children stop believing in them.

In the next episode of "Who Do You Think You Are?", Ronald McDonald heads to Russia to meet his cousin's family.

Welcome to Washington - how many of you forgot your lighters?

Darlington council deny budget cuts have adversely affected the town's pantomime of "The Wizard of Oz".

"So who here thinks gluing some green tinsel to the side of your head doesn't make you a fairy tale character?"

Well, it's not the most enthusiastic 'wave' I've seen at a stadium, but I guess it'll have to do - now, does everyone have their placards?

Newly-leaked photo shows Washington state's historic vote to legalise marijuana.

Show of hands, now - how many are thinking of moving to Seattle?

Well...does anyone think that since only three entries in the Caption competition were picked as being at all worthy last week, that perhaps Auntie Beeb is rationing Kudos..?

North Pole Traffic Court after Gran got run over by a reindeer.