It's not the precipitation that worries me but the "more organised shower activity", just who is organising it? I'll get my umbrella.
Robin, Herts
Re: supermarket prices article: "Asda will give you vouchers if your shopping is not 10% cheaper than Tesco, Asda or Morrisons." Definitely sounds like a winner - Asda vs Asda!
Nicola, Cambridge
I have one question to ask... In this story, it states: "On Thursday evening, severe winds washed away part of a causeway road on the Orkney island of Hoy." How is this possible? Surely waves caused by the wind would do a better job?
Sam Clinton, Waddesdon, Nr Aylesbury, Bucks
Best part of this article is the stream of consciousness/short-term memory issues experienced by JoJo in the comments section (109 and 110). In the space of 30 minutes he/she remembers what "HR" means, then forgets and asks everyone what it means and then, one sentence later, remembers it again. Excellent work JoJo.
Tom Webb, Surbiton, UK
Fee Lock (Thursday's letters), after looking at today's Caption Competition picture, I had "Stuck in the middle with you" stuck in my brain...
Mark, Wimbledon
Winning entries in the Caption Competition.
The competition is now closed.
This week was the Duchess of Cornwall making a trade alongside actor Rupert Everett and city brokers in fancy dress. It was a charity day when brokers dressed up on the trading floor to raise money for more than 200 charities worldwide.
Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:
6. That Guy:
What is this? Some kind of joke?
5. essexbeancounter:
No. What I ordered was a selection of GOWNS!
4. Franc Bolero:
But I'm standing right beside you, Rupert.
3. Nero Cabflor:
No, I definitely ordered the taxi to take me to Piccadilly Circus.
2. Ade:
The Duchess of Cornwall and Rupert Everett about to demonstrate there's still currency in the old 'squirting telephone' prank.
1. penny-farthing:
Clowns to the left of me, brokers to the right, here I am...
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
When you only have one paragraph to tell a story on the front page of a newspaper, it can test the skills of even the deftest sub-editor.
But today the Sun rises to the occasion:
CHANCELLOR George Osborne was booed when he switched on the Christmas lights in his constituency because fans of boy-band One Direction were expecting Harry Styles.
You don't need any more information, do you? Unless you were unaware that Mr Styles was a member of said boy-band.
But then even the most casual Sun reader will be fully appraised of Mr Styles thanks to the paper's extensive coverage of his romantic life.
Inside, the is an entertaining read. It contains the line (in italics), "Many instantly headed in one direction - home." But, for Paper Monitor, nothing could match that single paragraph on the front page.
More unlikely encounters are to be found in the Daily Mirror, which gives extensive coverage to a royal reception for British adventurers.
Explorer Bear Grylls is as he shakes hands with the monarch. "If you can't wear Union Jack shoes in Buckingham Palace, where can you wear them?" says Mr Grylls, reminding Paper Monitor of a small boy insisting he should be allowed to wear his Spider-Man costume to school.
Snippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience.
1. The Crown owns almost half of the UK's shoreline.
2. Four out of the past nine governors of the US state of Illinois have gone to prison.
3. You are given a lottery ticket if you clean up dog poo in New Taipei City in Taiwan.More details
4. There is a bamboo plantation on the outskirts of Amsterdam.
5. Polar bears are cannibals.
More details
6. Singer Adele doesn't like North American beer.
7. Brussels sprouts are up to 20% bigger this year.
8. The girl on the classic road sign "children going to or from school" is based on a school photo of its designer Margaret Calvert.
More details
9. Swedish fashion chain H&M has been using doctored photos of shop dummies - superimposed with real-life models' heads - as bikini bodies on its website.
10. The world's oldest dog, who died this week, lived to the equivalent of about 125 years for a human.
Seen 10 things? .
Could Scotland really be part of Scandinavia? Its an interesting part of history and not widely known about the Lords of the Isles and their wars with Scotland but on the other hand weird analysis for the modern era. Surely following the same logic, we should have York as a new capital of independent Northumbria? Hmmm, maybe not a bad idea...
Dave Stead
How likely are you to lose your job? Given that I'm reading this on company time, probably quite likely.
Liz Brewster
Re: Facebook flaw: "The bug was discovered by members of a bodybuilding forum." Sorry, what?
Simon, Edinburgh
Mr Chadderton may prudently say that he "didn't want to focus on a single event" that left Manchester a post-apocalyptic wasteland, but I think we all have a shrewd idea what it might have been.
Edward Green, London, UK
Ha, Simon Robinson (Wednesday's Letters), you think you have problems! I can't get Lionel Ritchie's song out of *my* head now!
Fee Lock, Hastings, East Sussex
Patricia Glorious Barker (Wednesday's Letters), you'd need to get a mechanic to give you a sick note then!
Kevin Symonds
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Paper Monitor has been purging itself ahead of the big Christmas food-fest, so it is with interest that it notes a number of food related stories in today's papers.
A story on the Daily Telegraph's front page reports that the Brussels sprout is back and joy of joys, it's supersized - . Last year's freezing conditions lead to a shortage of sprouts, while this year's milder weather means they have grown at a faster rate and ripened early. Apparently they are also sweeter and more flavoursome. Tell that one to the kids.
Kids, we know can be very picky - particularly when it comes to the packed lunch. But not, it seems, as fussy as policemen in one Scottish force, according to a story in the Daily Mail.
A 10,000-word document from Lothian and Borders Police to caterers bidding to provide the sandwiches, crisps and drinks for officers on the beat demands that, , including prawn mayonnaise. Seventy-five percent of the baguettes must be white, the rest brown.
Brussels sprout bap anyone?
How close are we to a crash-proof car? Can just image it now, you're late for work, you get into your car and switch the computer on. You get a message on a screen, please wait, updating in progress, time estimated 20 minutes.
Wendy Crossley
Re: How close are we to a crash-proof car? I'm phoning in sick my car has a virus.
Patricia Glorious Barker
Thank you Magazine. I read H G Wells' famous opening words, and now I can't get Jeff Wayne's musical out of my head.
Simon Robinson, Birmingham, UK
Bec Davis (Tuesday Letters), I think most monitorites have seen evidence of you on a .
Keith, Dartford
Kate (Tuesday Letters), perhaps one sister was moving at the near the speed of light, so aged less than the other.
Roddie Grant, Rugby
Paddy (Tuesday Letters), not sure but I think Lytham St Annes, St Ives, and St Helens have patron saints.
Colin Edwards, St Exeter
Paddy (Tuesday Letters), I'm pretty sure that my old home town of Bury St Edmunds has a patron saint, but I can't for the life of me remember who it is.
Michael Hall, Croydon, UK
Paddy (Tuesday Letters), dunno. Too busy scoffing all the chocolate he left in my slipper on Monday night to Google.
Rachel, Wayzata
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Ask any 18-year-old aspirant journalist what they would want to achieve as a scribe and you'll hear a worthy tale.
Expose corruption, help the weak, travel the globe etc. Reporters want to be Woodward and Bernstein, or Martha Gellhorn.
Aspirant news photographers aren't much different. They want to be Yevgeny Khaldei or Robert Capa or Don McCullin.
But just like every football team can't entirely consist of Messis and Maradonas - you do need your Battys and your Dungas - so journalism needs its water-carriers.
Let us pay tribute today not the glory-hunting war junkies of journalism, but to the staff that quietly obey orders back at base.
Claire Cisotti is a fine example. This picture editor from the Daily Mail has today assembled , the X Factor judge and child of destiny. The Mail has demonstrated conclusively that her mole, gasp, moves.
All over her face.
Now it may seem to the casual reader that stuff like this is money for old rope. How hard can it be to find 15 moley photos, you ask.
Well, Paper Monitor has never been a picture editor, but has done its fair share of looking for photos. It can be hard work.
"I want a series of shots of Tony Blair's hair going greyer in the years after his election."
"Yes, boss."
It takes professionalism to execute a task like the moley one, particularly with the knowledge that the Sun had already done (three photos), the day before.
So for those about to carry water, Paper Monitor salutes you.
Why are people reluctant to sing in public? Not me! FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LAAAAH!
Dancing Piglet
asks: "Why are people reluctant to sing in public?" God, they obviously haven't seen me on a boozy night out.
Bec Davis
Not true. In Malaysia you have people with tree frogs for voice who shamelessly sing while riding trains and buses. No thanks to proliferation of rubbish reality singing shows on the telly! I dread taking long distance public transport now because of this.
Hafizi Hafiz
Some people should be more reluctant...
Dave Stead
I think someone may be lying about her age in this article. If the younger sister was 6 months old and the elder 18 months old when they were separated then there is about one year between them. How then is one sister now 59 and the other 62? Or am I not reading this correctly?
Kate, Exeter
Today is St Nicholas Day, patron saint of Liverpool. London has St Paul as patron but are there any other British towns or cities with their own patron saint?
Paddy, Liverpool, UK
Can this wonder software still match pieces after they have been used as hamster bedding? I think the US Government should invest in some hamsters to nibble and pee on the paper shreds.
Tattooed_Mummy, Sussex
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's a day for "National Treasures" - in the newspapers. Or NTs, as Paper Monitor will now refer to them.
Firstly, David Beckham is in Australia and the country is loving him by all accounts. He was surrounded by "screaming fans" as he visited sick children at a hospital in Melbourne, according to the Star and Daily Express. He then went to speak to 300 "awe-struck" students at a local school.
Sir Paul McCartney is being lavished with praise after opening his latest tour in London last night. The Times gives his performance five stars out of five. Naturally. Reviewer Will Hodgkinson sums it up nicely:
He can pretty much sing any song and you are overjoyed to hear it."
Then there's our Cheryl. Ms Cole is splashed across the Sun and Daily Mirror because she's put on a bit of weight and got her "boobs and bum" back. Yep, that's all folks. You don't have to do much to get in the papers when you've achieved official NT status.
But it seems the Express wants some new additions to the exclusive club. It's pushing for boyband McFly to be crowned a NT. With bassist Dougie Poynter king of the jungle in ITV's I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here and drummer Harry Judd reaching the semi-finals of Strictly Come Dancing, the paper asks how have they "soared into our affection"?
It seems to put this down to one thing - nice manners. It uses an incident from I'm A Celebrity as an example:
There was a row involving Olympic athlete Fatima Whitbread, in which an argumentative Coronation Street star said everyone should tell her to eff off. Dougie bridled at the notion of being so rude to a woman of 50
That's Paper Monitor sold. They're in. Just because we should be nice to women in their 50s of course, nothing else. No crush here. Honest. Move along now.
A man "dressed as Lady Godiva..." I thought she was famous for her lack of dressing up.
Malcolm Rees, Aldershot
Air bear - How do you fly a panda 5,000 miles? Sounds like the joke about 2 w(h)ales in a mini...
Julia Childerhouse
Excellent article on trams however you have omitted the in Brighton. This opened in 1883 and is the oldest operating railway in the world. Although most of its route is fenced off, in all other respects it is a tramway.
John Airey, Peterborough, UK
"New Icelandic volcano eruption..." Phew, what a relief, it's only called Katla!
JennyT, NY Brit
From your : "When I named one of my sons Fidel, my mother said 'that's a bit of a strong name to give a child'. 'Mother,' I said, 'look at what you did to me'," he joked before his death. Well, I don't suppose he'd be joking after his death.
Faustino, Brisbane, Australia
Re:10 things. "Having a shed can lower your blood pressure." Daily Mail. Ahh, but does a shed cause or cure cancer?
Jimmy, Milton Keynes
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
So today appears to be "Cyber Monday" - the day that online retailers brace themselves for a pre-Christmas shopping frenzy.
Paper Monitor is confused. Haven't we already had Cyber Monday? Wasn't it last week?
Apparently UK retailers have been split over which day to mark as the biggest pre-Christmas online bonanza. According to the Guardian, spending as consumers try to meet postal deadlines.
All this talk of shopping is making Paper Monitor's head spin.
But there is more. In the battle for the Christmas purse, High Street chains have been forced to bring the Boxing Day sales forward by 21 days, according to the Daily Mail. Prices have been slashed in what the paper refers to as .
The Mail quotes the boss of one chain of toy shops as saying it is the most "discounted Christmas" that he has know in 30 years.
The Daily Express publishes a picture of crowding down a street in Liverpool. Apparently there were Santa sprints all over the country on Sunday. Had news of the High Street bargains reached the North Pole?
17:05 UK time, Friday, 9 December 2011
The 
