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Cointreau begins to wonder whether they should have given their new advertising campaign to a different agency

Dear Phil,
......

Poor Mjikuu thought they were introducing an albino gorilla into their compound, until she realises the photograph was on the other side of the paper

He's been in the Cadbury advert, don't you know...

All of the sentences end in a coma

It says here he also likes listening to music, dancing and going to the theatre..

"This Children, is your mam".

Hirsute female would like to meet similar male with good sense of humour and own tyre.

Alright girls, paws off, he's mine...

He's written on the photo "Please singe and return this picture"

I still say no gorilla looks good with a Brazilian

She always knew someday her hairy prince would come

I'll be the gorilla of his dreams.

"This was me a year ago at 16 stone before I joined Ape-Watchers."

Hairyairey's, aka John Airey (an anagram of Enjoy Hair) of Peterborough, true identity is revealed

"I'm also a helicopter pilot..". yeh, right..

Hang on, Microsoft have put a different head on him

And he's the same height as I am, so he's an eye-level gorilla

… and this is one of the Mrs in a field when we visited France last year …

Please send copies of this to ten friends and you will be blessed with good luck..

But my first love will always be Tarzan

Well, he ain't no King Kong, but then I'm no Madonna.

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It's a great photograph of him, but where did that squirrel come from?

It was ironic, he thought glumly. Finally got the best portfolio shots done for when I'm out of the house, and they go and cancel the series.

My hero! Simian Cowell.

And he's had his hair all dirty and matted just for me

Anyone know how you say 'opposable thumbs' in French?

Marks out of dix, I'd give him un

(thinking) Mjikuu get lucky tonight

As usual, it wasn't actually a photograph of him - in fact, he was short, fat, and bald

Trust us to get saddled with some French gorilla who can't even send digital photographs over the Internet

She hoped it would not just be another Gorilla Gram from the girls this time

We wanted somebody from the Chippendales, not Chipperfield's

Ooh, and it says here he's got 15 grade A*'s in his GCSE's!!!

We wanted David Attenborough and look what they plan to send us...

Pity his eyes are so close together.

"the head shot is OK, but why do agents have to exagerate, 'speaks french, has worked extensivly with the Royal Shakespeare Company', as if anyont is going to belive that I can speak French....."

A thanks but no thanks letter arrives from Peter Jackson.

Had him

After much chatting and virtual grooming online, she was ready to take their 'entente cordiale' to the next level.

It says his name's Kodak

And he's even been directed by Peter Jackson

Could've, would've, should've, thought Len as he wistfully read the wedding invitation.

God. ANOTHER one who waxes his back. If I wanted to go out with something that smooth, I'd date a human!

Mum, it's a postcard from Dad again. Says he's reached New York, and apart from annoying planes, he's fine. Would we like to join him?

So you girls got the same photo?!

Oh god! I've got nothing to wear, this means a whole new outfit, I'll have to get my hair done and I wonder if Marjorie can do my nails today?

The signature's been 'printed' as well..

If gorillas watched Big Love

As the Sainsbury's delivery van rumbles away in a cloud of dust...

Bananas out of stock, replaced with cranberries.

Well, he's in for a surprise then, they're axing Big Brother, what's he going to do now?

Where is that marvelous ape?

Ooh, it's true, he does have a silver back.

At last, the news Mjikuu had been waiting for...
...details of this year's Dave Lee Travis convention...

Yet another one who's copied my style.

'I've eaten all the daffodils, he's going to be livid!'

'Ere girls, it says that he graduated from the Dian Fossey school of deportment.

What a way to start a letter: "Hey, hey..."

Look! Look! I got ten A*s!

Just as I thought, no height given.

Feeling slightly overshadowed by the Jordan / Peter Andre saga, Mjikuu neverthess did her best to sell the story of her split to "Hello" magazine.

PC World staff training seminar

To be honest, I think I prefer the blank side...

"Only one autograph per ticket!"

"Have you seen my pet gorilla?"

And after that he says he played number eight for Stade Francais before the unfortunate incident with the banana and Harlequins kicker.

It says his name is Phil Collins and there has been a mix up...

This recipe card for ape stew looks delightful!

Once the mist had cleared search and rescue team had some great news!

"Has anyone seen my feet?"

Have you seen that chimp?

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Detective Inspector Mjikuu seen hot on the trail of the country's "most wanted" banana thief.

wanted dead or alive
chimp endale
reward $5000

Nope, it doesn't matter how many times I look at it, I still don't think Eduardo dived

Airport taxi-driver school.

They're really running low on ideas for this 'enrichment' program...

And this guy says he won England the Ashes in 1981.

"I've tried everywhere to land a decent job, this is my last application to be the face of a well known frozen food chain! fingers crossed"

The print off mask didn't really have the desired effect of disguising the gorilla!

Safe at last at Monkey World, no pesky bi-planes or hysterical women.

Having taken position in the barber's chair, Bubbles got a photo out and said, "Can you make my hair look like this please?"

Yeah, I took it with my opposable digital camera.

"What do you mean cancelled? And after all that work getting my application ready for Endemol..."

Likes: Cuddling
Dislikes: being called a cheese eating surrender monkey

Len holds up a photo of his chum as he waits at (an inexplicably wooded area of) Arrivals at Heathrow.

If he thinks he is bringing that drum set in here with him, he's got another thing coming!

As king of the swingers arthur, you'd have thought I'd get automatic entry, but no, they want to see a picture of me before they let me join their club.

"It's says here he likes beating his chest, smoking cigars, and flinging dung."

He's OK, but he's not my Jacko

Those were the days...

"Last seen with Jane Goodall"

says here he's Royal - he's a King of the Swingers, a jungle VIP, he's reached the top but had to stop
...hmm, that bit's botherin' me.

Suddenly,the exhortation "Tender fragrant grass,how hardhearted to trample them" was the last thing on Mjikuu's mind.

Mjikuu hoped he wouldn't be like all her other boyfriends, who never nit-picked at all

'Wish you were here' Though glad to receive the postcard Gordon the Gorilla sombrely ponders what life would've been like had he picked Tom instead of Harry on the night of The Great Ape Escape

SWALK? I suppose it must stand for 'Sealed with a loving kudos."

How come his bum isn't on the other side?

The 'catalogue man' action photo spoke volumes. Mjikuu wasn't getting her hopes up.