91Èȱ¬

Snippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience.

1. Sir Jonathan Miller's main recreational activity, according to Who's Who, is deep sleep.
More details

2. Not paying attention as a juror is not an offence in Australia.

3. Gordon Brown's favourite song is Keep Right On To The End Of The Road, written in 1919 by fellow Scot Sir Harry Lauder.

4. A petaflop is a measurement of computing speed equivalent to one thousand trillion calculations a second.

5. Rwanda has its own Archers radio soap - an everyday story of cassava-farming folk.

6. Komodo dragons don't kill their prey outright - instead their bacteria-laden saliva causes septicaemia.

7. Dolphin pods have no leader.

8. Pigs can suffer from mysophobia, a fear of dirt.

9. One in 10 people have a piercing other than on the earlobe.

10. Egyptian law says the age gap between spouses should not exceed 25 years.

Seen 10 things? . Thanks to Richard Jenkinson for this week's picture of "10 shoes belonging to uber-fans of the Magazine Monitor", and Ed of London for one thing.

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In , I would have thought that any debris big enough to bring down airliners would have been fairly easy to spot.
Kevin, Douglas, Isle of Man

Earlier this month I congratulated myself for having thought up the pun "Irish ayes are smiling" for use if the referendum said "yes". Now I look at today's Metro front page saying "Irish ayes smile on Brown" and I realise that if I actually use that pun tomorrow I will seem hopelessly derivative and past it. Is there some department at Monitor Towers that could help me? (This letter should not be seen as advocating any Punorama-type contests.)
Frederick Heath-Renn, London, UK

So "encouraging motorists to use less fuel" is now an ? How very drastic.
Susannah, Northampton

The fourth image in is accompanied by the description "Duke University researchers created an invisibility cloak in 2006". Personally, I think it looks like a pound coin being sliced trivial-pursuit-pizza-style by lasers. Now, either that thing is the invisibility cloak, in which case it doesn't work, because I can see it, or it isn't the invisibility cloak, in which case why use the image?
Christian Cook, Epsom, UK

Christian - who outlined his plan a ponies-for-votes scheme in Thursday's letters - you're selling yourself cheap, dear. I will be asking for at least a grand.
Vicky, East London

I'll be asking for at least a Bernie or bar, though I figure he'll just offer us all a monkey.
Pip, Corby

Holly (Thursday's letters) as an enormous pedant where Classical matters are concerned, I must point out that Oedipus was Greek, whereas the title "rex" is Latin. Oedipus Tyrannus is more appropriate.
Gina, Durham

Jo (Thursday's letters), can't believe you used a nominative "to assist Claire and I" instead of the correct accusative "to assist Claire and me". Does that make me accusative?
Adam, London, UK

The best way to cool chips is with vinegar (Thursday's letters).
Nigel Macarthur, London, England

- can I suggest he's gone One Step Beyond...?
Graham Parsons, Frome

Is it me, or is the Caption Competition just not nearly as much fun as it used to be?
Sue, London

Is it my imagination or has that horrible word "basically" crept back into every conversation in this country?
John Holmes, Chester

Paper Monitor might like to be aware that Wayne and Coleen's local rag, the Liverpool Echo, seems to have managed to trump all the national dailies by getting a (gasp!) picture of the bride in her dress. One-nil to the provinces. We are truly blessed.
Ruaraidh Gillies, Wirral, UK

Ah, Paper Monitor shows its age: "Two drummers in one group. A bit Adam and the Ants retro, no?" Not if you're Foo Fighters.
Hannah, Leamington

Just catching up with Paper Monitor from over the past few days and I'm still no better at knowing whether the answer to the mystery of gender, age and nationality of our beloved journal analyst. But one thing we do know. The only plausible way I can think of to get from the UK to the US in about 4.5 hours (see Tuesday's Paper Monitor) is by a Concorde. So where do you hide yours?
Lester Mak, London, UK

What's a Webby (Tuesday's Paper Monitor)?
Mich, Somerset

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Winning entries in the now-returned Caption Competition.

The competition is now closed. .

Here members of the Philippine Marines Drum and Bugle Corps perform during the celebration of the 110th anniversary of the Philippines independence at Manila's Rizal Park.

Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. TNSCapcom
As physical torture is now illegal, the CIA gets creative.

5. NoMoreFA
Philipino cavalry band still looking for horse thieves.

4. Dodie James
Early attempts at a hovercraft were largely unsuccessful.

3. Candace9839
Prince William's follow on to the helicopter landing had to be especially bold.

2. akaTomflash
With a marauding string section on the loose, the brass band had no choice but to retreat into the standard defensive formation.

1. robmoo
The Millennium Falcon's camouflage had worked a treat.

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Paper Monitor has always had a soft spot for Roo-ney puns, and the Wayne-Coleen nuptials throw up a fresh crop, a la... "The Roo-yal wedding" - the Mirror; "Bride and Roon" - the Sun... and the wet weather lends a helping hand to those who like their word play... "I thee wet" (the Sun), "Coleen's wetting day" (Daily Mail).

In fact, since this has widely been labelled the wedding of the year, there's a sad paucity of coverage beyond the Mirror, Sun and Mail. Not surprising you may think, given the lockdown on access thanks to OK! buying up the entire rights to pictures... a ban that even seems to extend to OK!'s sister publication, the Daily Express. Not even for the sake of a little cross promotion. There's nothing, nada, niente to employ the vernacular or the Rooney's current host country.

Instead, readers are presented with what's known in the journalism trade as a "management must" - a picture of the paper's proprietor Richard Desmond posing alongside drummer Jason Bonham. The fiercely impartial headline reads "Roll up for the best gig in town" which leads us to the point of this exercise: Mr Desmond is himself a drummer, we're told, and the two are teaming up for a charity (not the "C" word) gig with Desmond's group, the RD Crusaders, at the weekend. Two drummers in one group. A bit Adam and the Ants retro, no?

Altogether now: "Marco, Merrick and Jason B, Gary Tibbs and yours truly".

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See the Quote of the Day every morning on the .

"We have no comment to make on the prime minister being impersonated by a man in underpants" - Downing Street spokesman

So was the response elicited by the Daily Mail's Ephraim Hardcastle on a production of Candide by the English National Opera Company that features a dancer representing Gordon Brown in Union Jack underpants.

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What with the outrageous deals pulled off by Brown in order to buy the DUP's votes, coupled with the recent reports of the PM (Prime Minister, not Paper Monitor) telephoning people in the early hours, it has got me wondering whether he intends to contact every voter personally before the next election to see what we want in return for our votes. I personally will be asking for a pony.
Christian Cook, Epsom, Uk

Regarding the story "", I always find that blowing on your chips is a better way of cooling them, water makes them go soggy.
Alan Hyde, Hornchurch, Essex

An by a Bell. This is too easy now.
Dan, London

Many thanks to Mark, Reading, (Wednesday's Letters) for his kind offer to assist Claire and I, but in this instance I'm afraid I must indeed decline. Despite being somewhat irregular, I have been conjugated for a few years now, and my husband would probably disapprove. Especially as he doesn't like grammar puns. (Does that make him genitive?)
Jo, London

is a great idea which we should fully adopt in the UK, as my son Lower Fuel Tax Northrop fully agrees.
Kirk Northrop, Manchester, Uk

All milk out here in Bolivia and I'm dubious about the environmental merits. I seem to lose about half the bag due to accidents opening the bag (milk squirting everywhere), finding a suitable container (milk spilling everywhere) and finally milk going off due to not having a nice sterile container (milk smelling everywhere). I can't help suspecting that returnable and reusable glass bottles were a more environmentally friendly option.
Jessica, La Paz, Bolivia

As a frequent visitor to North America I am very familiar with milk in plastic bags. They're a standard item in grocery stores. I would imagine every home in North America not only has one of the plastic holders in their refrigerator, but also a safety cutter - to nip off one corner of a new bag - attached to the refrigerator door with a magnet. You get used to them, but I agree that surely reusable bottles and electric milk floats are far better?
Howard, London, UK

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A (resumed) service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Miss me?

Fresh off the red-eye from the Big Apple, Paper Monitor races to its post to bring you, dear reader, the recommended daily allowance of newsy nuggets.

Well, I say "races". It takes time, people, to locate one's travelcard when the past few days have been spent hopping in and out of big yellow taxis. And to source a coffee when one's eyes are propped open with matchsticks. Not to mention actually find one's way out of the airport complex.

But there's a job to do, and so to it. Sir Alan finally chose his apprentice last night, but since Paper Monitor has yet to catch up with that crucial episode of its favourite and its best telly show, a veil shall be drawn over the matter.

Which does pose a bit of a problem at the newsstand. With eyes averted, Paper Monitor attempts to chose a newspaper "sans Apprentice" by feel alone...

Oops, that's the Daily Telegraph, best steer clear as a paper that's the choice of captains of industry will surely cover the business sitcom...

The Guardian, Sun, Dailies Star, Mirror and Mail, the Times and Metro all give off a strong whiff of men's cologne, so those in search of an Apprentice-free zone should steer clear.

And that leaves just two choices. The Daily Express, aerated about fuel prices, and the Independent, which gives pause with its front page headline "WINNER... OR LOSER?" but it's a false alarm, despite all its blahing about backroom deals and last-ditch efforts - it's Gordon Brown.

But disaster! Having finally chosen the Indie as a sure bet for an Apprentice-free zone, Paper Monitor is confronted by the grinning mugs of Sir Alan and aiwfroaidsfgvbnsdpfubgeq0tv.

(Monitor note: We apologise for the interruption to this service due to Paper Monitor's sleeping head hitting the keyboard. Normal service will resume tomorrow.)

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"I'm Man United" - Apprentice winner Lee illustrates his performance on the show.

Despite the "reverse pteradactyl" impression in a high pressure interview and the "That's what I'm talking about!" catchphrase, Lee McQueen survived 12 intense weeks on TV to win the plum job as Alan Sugar's Apprentice. And Lee can't help coming over all football pundit, likening his victory, at the end of the day, to a Wembley final "because the underdog can still win." And it's a consistent showing from Lee that he reckons sealed his victory: "I delivered every time... If you think of it from a league table point of view, I'm Man United."

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Having never met before, Claire and Jo (Tuesday's Letters) may need help to ensure that their new found grammatical chum is the definite article. Perhaps I could help. I'm singular, have a passive voice and people say I am a non-restrictive modifier which I think is a compliment.
Mark, Reading

To Jo of London and Claire of Oxford: Do you know what Oedipus Rex's big problem was? He conjugated when he should have declined.
Holly, Michigan, USA

If Claire from Oxford and Jo from London actually did meet up, would that be dative ?
Paul Greggor, London

Re: ? Might I suggest that the bag of milk isn't really there to "replace the traditional doorstep pint" in terms of being kinder to the environment? Surely the "traditional doorstep pint" is delivered in a reusable (even better than recyclable) bottle using a fairly environmentally friendly method of transportation. Can the, presumably, plastic bag, sheet of instructions and disposal of "container jug" (when a new and better model comes along) be all that better for the environment than other efforts?
Kevin, Derby

Maybe if K, Edinburgh (Tuesday's Letters) wasn't so desperate to spot mythical 91Èȱ¬ London bias he'd have had time to read Tuesday's Quote of the Day properly. If so, he'd have seen that it was the Isle of Lewis (correctly) described as being in the Outer Hebrides, not Aberdeen.
M Hunter, Warrington

The notion that P Diddy, or any of his incarnations, is the most important man in the world of rap (Wednesday's Quote of the Day) is laughable at best. KRS-ONE, Afrika Bambaataa, Grandmaster Flash, Fab 5 Freddy and whole horde of others have been responsible for more inspiration, innovation, development, promotion and mainstreamning that he has. and I suspect ever will. All P Diddy has done, in the grand scheme of things, is over-market, genericise and commodify rap to make it barely distinguishable from pop. Hardly laudable actions deserving of celebration.
Andrew Rodgers, Peterborough, UK

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Paper Monitor remains otherwise indisposed - waking up in New York this morning clutching a Webby and not feeling up to it - so it is time for readers to lend a hand or two.

Send in your highlights and lowlights from today's cornucopia of inky offerings, using the comments box below.

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"She's never invited me to the Palace, not yet, anyway" - P Diddy rues his failure to meet the Queen. So far

He may be the most important man in the world of rap, but he is yet to have any facetime with the most important woman in the British Royal Family.

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I'm not sure whether to thank Paper Monitor for reminding me of my trip to New York or not. I have enjoyed reminiscing about picking up The Onion from a street box and the heatwave a couple of years ago, but it has made me sad that I am not there now! Have any of the papers used the same headline I saw? 'We like it hot, but not THIS hot!'
Ed, Yorkshire, UK

Re: Nifty Folding Webpage idea. Perhaps you could ask if he is any closer to the horizon yet.
Nik Edwards, Aylesbury

With regard to today's PM and the Guardian's Sam Fox on foxes Q&A, one presumes Edward and James were both unavailable?
TS, Bromley, England

Can someone please explain what football is? Everyone keeps talking about football so I asked my friends who answered "It's that thing that means Corrie is on a different day".
Angel, Coventry, UK

I'm pretty sure I wasn't alone in repeatedly saying "Den Dover, Dendover, Den-dover, Dend-over" and so on in response to Fred's post in yesterday's letters. Not only did I sound like a complete idiot but I came to the conclusion that it must be a 'chief whip / bend over' pun - or am i missing something? Sadly, this is what you'd expect from someone called Fred (say it quickly).
Jinja, Edinburgh

'Old faithful' indeed! (Make your own foldie) After I've given you some of the best years of my life... I could have had any website I wanted you know! (Waits to be traded in for younger model).
Pix6, Vienna, Austria

Re today's quote of the day, I know Aberdeen is a long way from London, but it's a long way from the Outer Hebrides too!
K, Edinburgh

Alain Williams asks () "Where would we be if the original Magna Carta was unreadable?" I don't know if he's had the chance to peruse the Great Charter recently, but it is actually unreadable, or at least unreadable to anyone lacking the appropriate software (Latin language interpreter), and extensions (knowledge of Medieval abbreviations and legal language). Quite a lot like a 1980s Word Perfect document, in fact.
Ian Rutt, Swansea, UK

Why do physicist like smashing things together? , and Looks like fun though...
Edd, Cardiff

Music played by gastric band: Fatboy Slim?
Henri, Sidcup

Re Jo from London's 'accusative determinism' (Letters, Monday). I'm happy to find someone else who enjoys the odd grammar-based witticism. I'd suggest we meet up, but am afraid you would decline.
Claire, Oxford

Stupid ideas of the world, no. LXXII: a diamond-studded handbag with giant detachable diamond (). Any cloakroom attendants out there who fancy early retirement?
Edward Green, London, UK

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

An innocent abroad. That's what Paper Monitor is in New York, having tagged along with the bods chosen to pick up the 91Èȱ¬ News website's Webby Award.

So it's fortunate that Flight of the Conchords was part of the in-flight entertainment, with an episode in which Kiwi musicians Brett and Jermaine get some valuable tips on negotiating the mean streets of the Big Apple. So Paper Monitor is now wearing a hi-vis belt, carrying an unfolded map at all times, and is avoiding crowds in favour of back alleys, all the better to avoid muggers.

And so to the papers. The Onion, which Paper Monitor has previously only perused in its online guise, is dispensed in paper form from the street-corner boxes familiar from the movies. Eager to read more on the promised feature "Where [John McCain]'d Be If Not Running For President: Dead" and tickled by the weather forecast for snow - "somewhere in the world, snow is falling", Paper Monitor pounces. All copies gone, to be replaced with discarded taco wrappers. That, surely, is a comment on the transitory nature of news.

Stepping from the heat of the city streets to the cool of a neighbourhood deli, Paper Monitor pays its money for a cawfee and copies of the New York Post and New York Times.

Boy, Americans sure use words. Lots of 'em. Portions are big on this side of the Atlantic. The broadsheet Times (or is it closer to a Berliner format?) packs its front page with six articles, one picture story - on the sweltering and near-record breaking weather - and a dozen puffboxes trailing what's inside. Such as on the Sports pages. Not the Sport pages, as these are always known by Fleet Street's finest. And pages two and three are largely taken up with more summaries of "what's in today's edition".

The tabloid Post, too, doesn't mince its word count. It starts with an A* effort at a poster front page - "ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES - DISEASE FEARS SPUR CRISIS FOR BURGER LOVERS" on the news that McDonald's et al are serving tomato-less burgers because of a salmonella scare - but each news page has more text than the Sun, Daily Mirror and Star combined.

But for all the differences, some things remain the same. It's hot here, crazy hot, with the mercury hitting 33C. And that means to picture editors across the world that it is time to send out the snappers with an easy brief: find a young lady, in a bikini, cooling off. The Post has an obligatory blonde in a halter top standing in front of a super-size fan. The Times is a little more coy, having its bikini-clad lovelies as the out-of-focus backdrop to a single, naked foot peeking above the waters of a beach in the Bronx.

Whew. Hot enough for you? Paper Monitor is off now to seek a cool breeze on Brooklyn Bridge's raised walkway.

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Paper Monitor asked yesterday for constructive ideas on how one might fold a webpage. As ever when this sort of question is asked, one feels a faint sense of unease for the nation's productivity in difficult economic times.

But away with doubt. Here's Jinja, Edinburgh's masterly effort.

You can click it to enlarge it.

And not to be outdone, old faithful Pix6 delightfully gives all Magazine readers an novel idea for those difficult times when one is charged with looking after a small child but also wants to make sure one's had one's daily recommended allowance of pure Monitor.

If you must, further examples of how to fold a webpage in a nifty non-proprietary photo editing software format are welcome at the.magazine@bbc.co.uk with "Nifty folding webpage idea" in the subject line.

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

A few cursory observations in advance of a more intrepid Paper Monitor later today.

Does Donald Trump really trump the competition when it comes to global comb-over recognition? The Times and Guardian seem to think so, both christening him the "world's most famous comb-over". Paper Monitor concedes that neither Neil Kinnock or Arthur Scargill, nor the great Bobby Charlton could rival Trump in the global fame stakes, but is there a better-known purveyor of the hinged head rug? Suggestions via the comments button below.

There's a similar display of journalistic intuition in Redtopsville with the Sun and Mirror preparing for the upcoming Rooney nuptials by running their own A-Z guides.

But while both agree that B is for butterflies (guests will each be given a box with a butterfly to release), E is for Elsie Lindsay (Coleen's personal trainer) and Y is for yacht (do you really to ask?), there is clearly need for some voice of authority here. Is A for Alder Hey (the Sun) or Abbey (Mirror)? Is C for cricket (Mirror) or champagne breakfasts (Sun)? And so on.

Finally, an almost overlooked gem from the giveaway Nature Spotting booklet in Saturday's Guardian. Among the serious write-ups about spotting otters, wild boar, deer, badgers and so on, nestled this astonishing treasure. A question and answer session with "Sam Fox on foxes!"

A taster: "Do you like foxes? Oh I do yes. I've got a family in my garden... Were you pro the hunting ban? Yes, of course I was... Would you say you were a fox?..." If you can really be bothered

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"Morning, everybody. Windy, huh?" - Donald Trump's precarious hairdo is ruffled as he lands on the Isle of Lewis.

Mr Trump is testifying in Aberdeen at the public inquiry into his plan to build a top-end golf resort along a protected stretch of coastline. He may be an uber-succesful billionaire magnate from America, as well as the face (and executive producer) of the US Apprentice but The Times has him nailed as the "world's most famous comb-over". Perhaps momentarily more pressing for him than convincing the enviromentalists, is how to keep his coiff coiffed in the Outer Hebrides, reputed wind-power capital of Europe.

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So . Which makes me wonder: what *has* it been doing during that period?
Johan van Slooten, Urk, Netherlands

I'm teaching in China and am happy to let Steve W know (Letters, Friday) that every student I've met thus far enjoys singing 'We Will Rock You.' It's one of the few songs in which they can simultaneously clap and sing quite easily.
Justin J, Changchun, China

Well done, Guardian, you and your paper specialists (with degrees in paper folding I am sure) have invented a foldable piece of paper you can put in your pocket and carry around (Paper Monitor). Or in other words, they have re-invented the 'map' and printed butterflies on it.
Matt Copp, London, UK

Yet more nominative determinism - the Conservative Chief Whip in the European Parliament was Den Dover (say it quickly)...
Fred, Rotherham

Nominative determinism? Look no further than Canada. While living in Toronto, I bought my stereo system from a store called Mr Hi-Fi. What else was he going to end up selling with a surname like that? Not only that, but my lunchtime sandwiches were bought from a chain called Mr Sub, the soup division of which was called - you guessed it - Mrs Soup. I actually asked an employee if Mr Soup minded Mrs Soup spending so much time with Mr Sub, or whether Mrs Soup was actually Mrs Sub, but had decided to retain her maiden name of Soup because of her line of work. I don't know whether it was a staff training issue or what, but would you believe the employee hadn't got a clue what I was on about... Oh, and I think I'm obliged to say "other hi-fi and submarine sandwich outlets are available."
Alex Knibb, Bristol, UK

Re Adam from London's "reverse nominative determinism"... Accusative determinism?
Jo, London

I hate to nit-pick with Stuart Taylor's nit-pick regarding division by zero. Mathematically you can divide by zero - but in the real world there is no way of putting nothing into something... And I have it on good authority that little fact WILL impress the ladies.
Graham Bell, Braunton, UK

Actually Helen, Luxembourg (Letters, Friday), in most cases x/0 is explicitly left undefined, even if x=0 - ie mathematicians say "You are not allowed to do this". Although there are some situations in which it is useful to define a symbol to represent "x divided by zero" - often something we call "infinity" - you have to be very careful about doing so. In particular, you must accept that you usually can't do normal arithmetic with "infinity" and get meaningful answers (e.g., as we've already said, ending up with 1=2). In computer arithmetic, division by zero usually either results in an error message, or a special value called "NaN" - Not a Number. Anyway, the point is there are vastly more interesting counter-intuitive things in maths, so can we please talk about them instead of this?
Dave Taylor, Leeds, UK

Helen, Friday's letters. No time to go into the differences between
multiplying by zero and the implications of trying to divide by zero, but can you just assure all of us that your job in Luxembourg is unrelated to anything to do with numbers, finance or formulae that might somehow affect the rest of us in Europe? Thanks.
Robert, Glasgow

Helen from Leicester (Letters, Friday); England may not be in Euro 2008 but they are playing a test match against New Zealand today. I'd like to think that's what the flags were about.
Michael, Rockville, MD, USA

To Helen of Leicester (Letters, Friday): why would you automatically assume that anyone flying the England flag would have to be doing it because of football? Is that what we've been reduced to? I find it great for us English to have enough national pride to fly our flag simply for the sake of being proud to be English!
Chris Melville, London, UK

Re: Friday's quote of the day. After reading that quote I had a look at Charles Bronson on Wikipedia...is there a better ending to an article than: "Reputedly the 'hardest man' in Britain, Bronson once claimed to have knocked a cow out with one punch." Pretty beefy.
Jinja, Edinburgh

"" Is that similar to bobbing for apples?
Paul Greggor, London

Michael Hall (Letters, Friday): I live in Croydon and I've never heard of her either. Maybe Stuart knows who she is.
Rob Foreman, London, UK

I could not help but notice this headline: , I honestly did not know the internet existed back in 1948!
Steven, Livingston, Scotland

So Monday's quote of the day, the fact that David Tennent is a bona fide actor with a huge repertoire in RSC has nothing to do with anything, Sir Jonathan? And Patrick Stewart is just the bald guy from Star Trek, right?
Sarah B, Southampton, UK

Re 10 things, What kind of music does a 'gastric band' specialise in, I have a gut feeling it is not heavy metal?
Tim McMahon, Pennar, Wales

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Friends, it seems like yesterday that, with innocent joy in our hearts, we opened the Guardian and let out an excited yelp that, yes, yes, yes, the longed-for wallchart of butterflies plopped on to the floor.

Remember how we ran with boyish/girlish glee to show mummy what we had got? And how she said yes, we could put it up on our bedroom wall so long as we were careful not to get Blu-tak on the wallpaper?

Now of course times are harder. Colder. Rougher. More cynical. Mere wallcharts have long lost their power to delight.

No, what we need are wallcharts which fold into little unstapled booklets. And that's what the Guardian has given us today. They are calling it a "foldie" in the hope that it sounds cooler.

On Saturday the paper tried to make a virtue of triumph of hype over reality, by billing the arrival of the "foldie" on the front page, with a little diagram. "[W]e are introducing a revolutionary new format to the Guardian stable: the foldie. We will use this lovingly crafted device - sweated over by paper technicians and inky fingered printers - to bring you beautiful pocket-sized guides..." blah blah blah.

Three points.
1. Didn't realise the Guardian had a stable. Sounds quaint.
2. There's that "device" thing again (remember the Telegraph introduced a device which turned out to be a logo saying "Was Is and Will Be" without actually saying what was, what is and what will be?) When will the world of newspapers realise that devices need batteries??? Get with the plan, boys, it's not that difficult.
3. Those diagrams? Reminds Paper Monitor of the rather strange guide they had in the new but still rather strange Times2 last week on how to peel an orange, which was lucky to escape further note at the time.

Anyway, if the whole butterfly thing does strike you as being familiar, you're right. It was just two years and 23 days ago that the Guardian's butterfly wallchart was released into the wild. No doubt there have been developments in lepidoptery in that time, but Paper Monitor can't help but think that the only thing really joining the Guardian's stable is a format in need of a subject.

In any case, we don't like being left out. So your suggestions, please, especially if they are nifty non-proprietary photo editing software format, of how one might conceivably fold a webpage. Send via Comments below, or send images to the.magazine@bbc.co.uk with "Nifty folding webpage idea" in the subject line.

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"That man from Doctor Who" - Sir Jonathan Miller's description of David Tennant

Sir Jonathan is not happy at the state of theatre in London's West End, particularly the use of celebrity actors to shift tickets. David Tennant is one of those who has been called in to put bums on seats. It's all too much for Sir Jonathan, whose main recreational activity in his Who's Who entry is "deep sleep".

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