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Beyonce - 'Broken-Hearted Girl'

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Fraser McAlpine | 12:37 UK time, Thursday, 29 October 2009

Beyonce

Is it possible, do you suppose, to plot out the arc of an entire relationship using just Beyoncé and Destiny's Child songs as narrative? To the extent where you could make a film of it, without any dialogue, just songs, and it would all make sense?

Naturally, it would be a romance, but it would have to go horribly wrong in the middle, and there could be no doubt that it's all the boy's fault for being a low down dirty cheating piece of rubbishy old rubbish.

And the bit where the heroine - and let's not mince words, she is DEFINITELY a heroine for putting up with that slimy wretch - gets her life back on track and finally calls him up on his nonsense...well that bit is going to have to last a while. Possibly over an hour.

(. That's not the sea, that's a lake of purest diva-tears.)

This song, thankfully, won't be part of that hour. No, it'll take place shortly after things have really started to go wrong, but before they go really REALLY wrong.

The heroine will be deeply hurt, and wish she had never got into this crazy thing in the first place (oh how ironic the word 'crazy' seems to her now), and she'll look deep inside herself to see if she has the strength to carry on, now that her rock has turned out to be made of mud.

He'll be out, doing her wrong, and she'll be at home, curled into a photogenic corner and resolving to see this thing through to the bitter end, no matter what, because she will not let herself be the victim.

The piano will start, she will emote for a solid four minutes - drum machine, strings and all - and then he'll come home, all cocksure. That's when she finally snaps and throws him out, to the left, to the left...

Hey, I'm not saying it would be a GOOD film, but it would definitely work, right?

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(Fraser McAlpine)

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