91Èȱ¬

So, seeing as a first birthday isn't all that exciting really...let's just imagine for a second what ChartBlog might've been like if it had existed in THE PAST...there would be less of your brilliant stuff about 50 Cent, the Spice Girls or the Arctic Monkeys, and maybe more stuff like THIS...

ChartBlog 1997

Editor's Welcome:
Hi and welcome to ChartSite! The world-wide web has been with us for a couple of years now, but this is the ONLY place you will be able to find up-to-the-second news about your fave pop people, together with a selection of MASSIVE pics (some as big as 640x480!). And keep coming back, because we've got BIG plans to put 30-second clips of ALL your favourite songs up. That's right, if you've got a 56k modem (and your dad isn't on the phone), you will soon be able to listen to music only 3 minutes (average download speed) after reading about it! Think about it, all they will need to do is make the internet portable and you will never need to buy another CD again (just kidding, record companies!).

Features:
Why Boybands Are Forever!
Interviews with 50 Pence, Ice Girls, Parktick Junkys, Cliff Richard's Christmas Gangshow
How To Employ...Robbie Williams

Sample Review:
"British music is the BEST IN THE WORLD! We've got the best pop bands, the best rock bands, the best dance music, everything! And it's going to be like this forever! Noel Gallagher couldn't write a boring song if he TRIED! And the same goes for Damon, Jarvis, the Prodigy, All Saints, Shed Seven...Britannia rules the (air)waves!"

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ChartBlog 1987

Editor's Welcome:
Hello! Welcome to ChartHits! Boy oh boy have we got a mag for you, pop-lovers! We've got posters (!), we've got song lyrics (!!), we've got stickers (!!!), we've got badges (!!!!), we've got crazy interviews with your total fave pop stars (!!!!!), we've got competitions where you can win a T-shirt (!!!!!!) AND all in a glossy mag that you can kiss a million times without the ink coming off! Wooh!

Features:
What's Better: Ending Famine Or Kissing Jason Donovan?
Interviews with MC Fiff-D, Spyz Gurlz, Antarctic Manques (In The Dark), Cliff Richard
How To Destroy...Apartheid

Sample Review:
"Pete Waterman says this is the best song he's ever been involved with, and frankly, who are we to argue? It's got it all, a brilliant video, totally gorge singer, a dance routine you'd have to be a donkey to get wrong, and best of all, THAT chorus. Total singalong pop heaven!!!"

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ChartBlog 1977

Editor's Welcome:
What? What are you looking at? It's ChartZine, alright? You blind or summink? It's NEW, it's NOW, it's HAPPENING AT STREET LEVEL, and it's all about YOU, THE KIDS. All the old farts can SOD OFF, it's OUR TIME...NOW! We ain't got nuffink, so we ain't got nuffink to lose, just like what boring Bob Dylan told the hippies. TAKE IT! LIVE IT! BE IT! NOW!

Features:
Why Music Is Easy And Hippies Are Rubbish
Interviews with Shifty Dents, the Vice Girls, Anarchic Punkys, Cliff Richard
How To Annoy...The Establishment

Sample Review:
"I don't like it. It's too long, too slow, too nice, too polished. It ain't got no BALLS. It ain't got no ATTITUDE. It ain't got no STYLE. God, what do they think this is, TWENTY MINUTES AGO OR WHAT?? It's not, it's NOW! Like RIGHT NOW IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE!!!! "

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ChartBlog 1967

Editor's Welcome:
It's the dawn of the utopian neon dream, yeah? And Chart-In is the paper for all you freaks to gather around. We're going out there, beyond the beyond, having a rave-up across the astral plane and bringing you beautiful news of amazing psychedelic happenings in rock, folk, blues, pop, jazz, folk-rock, jazz-blues, pop-blues-rock, blop, pazz, fock and poos.

Features:
How To Tear Down 'The Walls' And Make Everything And Everyone Free!
Interviews with Thrifty Scent, the Spice Birds, the Art Monk Four, Cliff Richard
How To Turn On...A Square

Sample Review:
"Much of side one is given over to a lengthy raga, based on ancient Indian musical forms and played with infinite care by Jack 'Godfinger' McGee...and it's beautiful man! A musical kaleidescope, full of fleeting glimpses of forest imps, dark wizards, revolution, death, sex, love...and all on the one note too. A total trip from start to finish..."

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ChartBlog 1957

Editor's Welcome:
Good day to you, one and all, Chart Weekly News Express here. It has come to our notice that youths are gathering in unusual locations, such as coffee bars, youth clubs, and jive-huts, in order to listen to performing musicians attempt to recreate some of the many upbeat songs which disc retailers assure us have been recently selling in increasing numbers. This cannot be allowed to continue unless steps are taken to record some of the many exhilarating events such gatherings inevitably cause. And this is the purpose for which Chart Weekly News Express has been created.

Features:
Why Music Is Enervating To The Mind And Promotes Good Clean Living
Interviews with Half A Shilling, the Nice Girls, Jumpin' Lonnie Turner and his Frosty Apes, Cliff Richard
How To Enjoy...Jazz

Sample Review:
"This hot waxing contains much which is typical about the modern swinging style. There's a frenetic tempo, a well-crafted arrangement of brass and woodwind instruments, and a gentleman by the name of 'Legs' Mitchell contributing a most enjoyable vocal performance. A hearty 'well done!' to all concerned."

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ChartBlog 1537

Editor's Welcome:
Gadzooks! A most hearty welcomme to ye from Thy ChartScroll! There's many a stout yeoman whose musyckal activities can be found represented wythyn thyss parchment.

Features:
Womansong: Ys Yt Aginst The Word Of God?
Interviews with Silver Groat, Arctic Mynstrels, thy Nutmeg Maidens, Clyff Rychard
How Best To Hang...A Jester

Sample Review:
"'Greensleeves' ys a marvel. Good King Harry has once agin called the very heavens down unto earth. He ys surely the most talented King to ever summon a muse upon a lute.

Plus, lyke OMG he is SO BUFF!"