91Èȱ¬

Here's the final six...

Big Brovaz: Remember them? They had that song 'Nu Flow'. It was reworked by the Halifax into an advert, only it was so long after the event no-one was too sure what song they were destroying. Anyway, Big Brovaz...there used to be six of them. J-Rock, Flawless, Randy, Nadia, Dion and Cherise. Then Flawless ran into trouble with the police (something even Alanis Morisette would recognise as ironic), then Dion left - presumably to even up the boy/girl ratio - and now they're hoping to represent the UK with a song called 'Big Bro Thang'. Talk about missing the bigger picture...

Brian Harvey: Yes, the pop star who ran himself over in a car, while he watched, and lived to tell the tale. His song is called 'I Can', and frankly, who am I to argue? The man clearly has special talents.

Hawkins & Brown: Blah blah blah....former Darkness frontman and friend showing off. Presumably only on the list because a rock act won last year and Justin has marginally better skin than Lordi. But worse dress sense.

Liz McClarnon: The least news-worthy Atomic Kitten, which is no slur on her character when you consider her bandmates were Jenny 'Ice-Queen' Frost, Natasha 'Fran-tastic' Hamilton. And then there was that Kerry Katona girl. Whatever happened to HER, eh? Liz's song is called '(Don't It Make You) Happy!', which is a lot of punctuation to deal with in one song title...

Cyndi: Sadly not Cyndi Lauper, although she'd be in good company here. This is a new girl who has been brought in to show these old pop gippers what THE KIDS are INTO these days. Her song is called 'I'll Leave My Heart', and was produced by Brian Rawling. You won't have heard of him, but he's a cutting-edge street kid who also 'manned' the 'faders' for such underground hits as 'The Final Countdown' by Europe and 'Believe' by Cher.

AND FINALLY...THE MAIN ATTRACTION...THE PEOPLE WE ARE ALL HERE TO SEE...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU....

Scooch: Seriously. Scooch. Everyone remember Scooch? No? Let me quote from the Radio 2 Eurovision page to refresh your memories....

"Scooch were formed in 1998 and signed to EMI Records. Russ, Natalie, Caroline and David soon became one of the most popular teen pop acts of the late Nineties and early Naughties, performing on countless arena tours and television shows including; Top of the Pops, SM:TV, CD:UK, Live and Kicking, The Pepsi Chart Show, The Priory, The Big Breakfast and GMTV."

Remember? Oh you DO...Scooch! They had that song...the one that went...er...it was sort of...well anyway, they did those countless arena tours? One of the most popular teen acts? Surely you remember them on GMTV? No?

Oh well. They've got back together now. And their song has the very best title of all. It's called 'Flying The Flag (For You)'. Which is clever because they could be representing the United Kingdom (which has a flag) at Eurovision (again, more flags), but the 'flag' could also mean something to do with love if you think REALLY hard about it, or not at all. One of the two.

So that's it. There really is no way to get rid of pop stars once the hits have dried up. Reality TV, the Strictly Come Fever thing, and now Eurovision. They're like cockroaches. Even a full scale nuclear assault won't wipe them out. Well certainly not while Brian Harvey's around. I'm telling you, the man is GIFTED...

Here's the 91Èȱ¬ Radio 2 Eurovision site in full...