Classified Ads - 08/03/07
------------------- SONG-IMPROVAL SERVICE ------------------- I've worked with them all. From Snoop to Mozart Could you be next? You bring the tune, I'll bring the sex lyrics. Call Akon, anytime. |
------------------- FOR SALE: WIGSAW PUZZLE ------------------- 5 million pieces One careless lady owner Guaranteed not to split Call Money-Grabbing LA Hair Salon (Calls cost £1 per second) |
------------------- PERSONALS: HEY ROBBIE... ------------------- We had a vote. You're now the THIRD most popular in the band. Ha ha ha! Get well soon. Gaz, Mark, How & Jay. | ------------------- FOR THE LAST TIME! ------------------- The line is "GODDAMN ARMS RACE" it's not "ARSE-FACE" or "ARSE-RACE" or ANYTHING like that. OK? Fed Up Boy. |
------------------- OPEN AUDITIONS ------------------- Are you a hot actress? Does everyone want you? Snog me and make money I'm making a video ...honest! Call JT at Sexyback Productions | ------------------- QUICK SALE! ------------------- Huge vat of milkshake Previously used to bring boys to yard. Would make decorative lake, if slightly smelly. |
------------------- LOST: TV REMOTE ------------------- It was over there a second ago, I'm sure and now I can't see it. Is someone standing in the way? Call B. Ditto...NOW! | ------------------- FOR SALE: HAPPY STUFF ------------------- Blazer, wacky tie, smiles, a cheeky wink (or two), shouting "Wooaaargh!" Such things are dead to me now. The Chief Kaiser. |
------------------- EXCITING NEW SERVICE! ------------------- Decades judged while you wait. I can do the lot! '70s, '60s, '50s... Even the '30s! (probably) All decades acceptable! Call Vin Harris | ------------------- J-J-J-JOIN US! ------------------- Just Jack, Jamie T, JoJo Joss Stone, Justin T, Junior Jack, J-Lo... Notice a theme? Go J! Discover the joys of the J experience. Free booklet. |
------------------- PLOT REVEALED! ------------------- Life On Mars II Female pop star, transported back to 1943 to sing in her pants. Is she mad? Comatose? Wait and see. Can D. Man | ------------------- FOR SALE: BOOKS ------------------- 'Career Resurrection', 'Laugh Like You're Mad', 'How To Meet Chris Martin And Influence People'. No longer needed. Nelly F |
------------------- LOST CROSSWORD CLUE ------------------- ENTER SHIKARI (anagram - nearly) Indie band competes to make sexual advances on 'Hips Don't Lie' singer (5, 7) Send solution to dunnit@indiexwords.net | ------------------- FOR SALE: LEGS ------------------- Five pairs of shapely pins, taken from fabulous stars and dressed BRILLIANTLY. Have puppet ones now, and they're EVEN BETTER! Hygenic amputation. (with Scissors). |
------------------- PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT ------------------- TEAM BIFFY You're going to need to start sneering at new fans now. Are you ready for THE ONSLAUGHT? Remember, you liked them AGES AGO. | ------------------- WANTED: ------------------- Marmite, baked beans, pasties, fish & chips, roast beef, jellied eels, pie & mash, eccles cake, stotties. I seem to have forgotten who I am. Miss J. Stone |
Comments
Thanks for posting this...it made my really crappy day a little better! I especially like the J's one and the one about what the actual words are in Arm's Race. I still don't really know.
[Aw...sorry to hear you've had a rough day, Kimberley. Glad we could do something to help! Chin up, chicken... -Fraser]
Really funny! Especialy the one by 'The Chief Kaiser'!
Haha, I love these things. The Kelis one is by far the best, absolutely hilarious.
This has made my hangover day substantially better!