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Toy Story 2: The Empire Strikes Back

• Fraser M
• 26 Dec 06, 03:33 PM

Christmas is the perfect time to take a big pile of Christmas crackers to Chris and Serge out of Kasabian, just so we can ask them all about their singer Tom and his love of toys. Turns out, it's not just Tom that can't keep away from all that brightly coloured plastic.

And I bet you thought those puny arms of theirs couldn't manage to pull a cracker properly, right? Well, after a mighty struggle and a little bang (the cracker went bang, don't get excited) they were, er, delighted to discover there was a fake nail inside…

Serge: I've always wanted one of them!
Chris: It looks quite authentic.

ChartBlog: Can you use it as a plectrum?
Serge: Maybe. [Reads the cracker joke] How do you make an apple puff?
Chris: Send him to Eton? [Yes that's spelled right, he means the school, not the pop star with the similar name - Homophobia-Watchdog-Man]
Serge: Chase him around the garden...that's the worst joke I've ever heard.

ChartBlog: Yes, dire. Now we've heard that your singer Tom has a love for toy shops...
Serge: Ohhh yes

ChartBlog: Do you guys go along with him then?
Serge: Yeah! Now and again.

ChartBlog: Which department is it you like? I'm all for the Postman Pat.
Serge: It's more like the Star Wars section
Chris: You know, like figures
Serge: Spiderman, Batman...
Chris: ...and toys from the 80's y'know?

ChartBlog: Yes. I got chucked out of Toys R Us for playing with those things [waves arms as if sword-fighting]
Serge: Lightsabres?

ChartBlog: Yes! I thought it was pretty mean.
Serge: Wow! You were thrown out of Toys R Us?

ChartBlog: Apparently what I was doing is dangerous and could break the toy.
Chris: I was thrown out for playing basketball! They used to have a basket ball but now they put wool over them. [Sadly] I got one off the shelf and started playing with it...

ChartBlog: Don't worry, no one goes there to buy anything anyway, just to play.
Serge: Yeah! I like those electric cars

ChartBlog: You get in them? That's a chucking out offence.
Chris: No, no, the battery powered ones, we were mucking about with them the other week, not when I was a kid or anything, last week!

ChartBlog: You go there that often?
Chris: No!

ChartBlog: OK then. Now what toys should musicians never be allowed to take on tour?
Serge: The Millenium Falcon would make it.

ChartBlog: What's that?
Serge: It's a ship
Chris & Serge: Star Wars!
Serge: It's an old ship y'know and it's like 30 years old
Chris: Any vintage toys...
Serge: Yeah nothing valuable!
Chris: You take stuff on tour, nothing gets back.

ChartBlog: Do you have a box of toys on the tour bus, like at the dentist?
Serge: Nah, it's mainly visits on the internet these days and looking around
Chris: Tom rarely gets anything these days
Serge: He just likes looking [laughs]
Chris: Ieah he just likes looking

ChartBlog: Aww. Take him the rest of the crackers. I bought presents as well, it's Christmas and you've been good.
Serge: Jeez!

ChartBlog: Oh yes. In Thomas The Tank Engine wrapping paper, sorry about that.
Serge: That's wicked!
Chris: [laughs] Oh Thomas...
Serge: That's lovely. Are they all the same?

ChartBlog: Yes. They're all scarves.
Chris: Thank you!
Serge: I'm opening them all, then I can decide which one's the nicest!

ChartBlog: Good plan. One's a bit girlie, you carry on opening them. What toys from your childhood do you still have?
Chris & Serge: Transformers!
Serge: Optimus Prime or one of the Decepticons
Chris: Megatron...
Serge: Megatron!
Chris: Hotrod, Bumble Bee…
Serge: You need all them guys. He-Man as well…

ChartBlog: What about Stretch Armstrong, he was cool.
Serge: Oh yeah he was!
Chris: I broke Stretch Armstrong

ChartBlog: You BROKE Stretch?
Chris: [laughing] Yeah you know you used to stretch his arms, well my brother pulled him and I pulled him and he snapped under his arm, it leaked loads of goo everywhere, it had like liquid in it!
Serge: [laughing] Did one of you, like, fly away, y'know?
Chris: [still laughing] Eh?
Serge: Y'know like with a cracker, with the weight of both of you, you know what I mean?
Chris: Probably. We pulled him to pieces, it was incredible!

ChartBlog: Toy cruelty!
Serge: Evil Knievel!
Chris: Streethawk!
Serge: Oh yeah, Streethawk, remember that
Chris: Streethawk, Werewolf

ChartBlog: OK stop the reminiscing, I need your help.
Serge: Oh yes?

ChartBlog: It's very nearly Christmas and I need inspirational ideas for presents I'm stuck on. What can I get my gran?
Serge: Your gran...

ChartBlog: Don't say your album cos she doesn't like you – can't understand what you're singing.
Serge: [laughing] Get her some tissues she can put up here [puts his hand up his sleeves] you know what I mean! All grans like that!
Chris: Yeah and get her name embroidered on them...

ChartBlog: That's brilliant! It's like you know my gran.
Serge: [sits and laughs…]
Chris: Get some formaldehyde

ChartBlog: No!
Serge: No! Get some Olbas Oil and put it on a hankie up her sleeve
Chris: Some elderflower water...
Serge: Massive trousers! My grandma wears massive trousers, I mean like [holds his hand wide around his hips] this, she's holding them up
Chris: My grandma just used to get p, so a bottle of port.

ChartBlog: Or mulled wine.
Serge: Hmmm, mulled wine!

ChartBlog: One more. My little sister who's a little bossy cow...
Serge: [laughs and chokes] Oh! You want us to think of something to get her, sorry, that was actually quite funny…
Chris: Give her a Care Bear.
Serge: We got asked the same question in Japan. Theirs was if you woke up and you were a teenage girl what would you do...
Chris: Bit random.

ChartBlog: What was your answer?
Serge: Well, obviously the usual.

ChartBlog: Look down?
Serge: [laughing and blushing] Well of course, yeah! Get your sister something from TopShop or a keyring.

ChartBlog: What do you want for Christmas?
Serge: A sitar please!
Chris: I want me health. I want my heath back.
Serge: [laughing] We've cashed in a lot of chips, haven't we!
Chris: I don't care, d'ya know what I mean?
Serge: D'ya know what I mean?

ChartBlog: D'ya know what I mean...What?
Chris: [laughing] Christmas is a time for getting big so the health is never gonna happen.

ChartBlog: Indulge. You guys know Liam and Noel, what would you get them for Christmas?
Serge: A table tennis table for Liam cos he likes table tennis. That'd be a good present. Noel? What do you get the man who's got everything?

ChartBlog: Have you heard Noel's cover of Slade's 'Merry Xmas Everybody'?
Serge: No, I'd like to hear that.

ChartBlog: It's great!
Serge: I bet it is, I'd like to hear that.

ChartBlog: Have you ever thought of doing a Christmas cover?
Serge: Jay can play all sorts of Christmas songs, we should get him to play one.
Chris: Yeah! We'd have to get Noel a pair of shoes.

ChartBlog: Does he not own any shoes?
Chris: No, not one pair [laughs]
Serge: A water slide!
Chris: A water slide for his house in Ibiza.

ChartBlog: Have you been there?
Serge: We went around to visit, yes.

ChartBlog: He wouldn't let you stay?
Chris: No!
Serge: We had a hotel, we had our own villa actually.
Chris: Get us!

ChartBlog: What toys would you want if you were marooned on a desert island?
Chris: I'd take one of those Mr Snowmen things that you put the ice in then turn his belly and it comes out and you put it in drinks? I'd take one of them.

ChartBlog: I've never heard of them.
Serge: Have you not? Yeah you have to get the ice. Ice please.
Chris: Yeah I can't believe you haven't heard of that. What's it called? Mr Frost!
Serge: Mr Frosty!
Chris: Yeah that's the one. Ice in his head to make an ice slushy.
Serge: A netball

ChartBlog: A NETBALL?
Serge: Well a netball net, to play volleyball with…

ChartBlog: Erm...how...?
Serge: I need a ball as well
Chris: Use a coconut!

ChartBlog: I'm lost. Moving on. What're you getting Tom for Christmas?
Serge: I've got him Beatles figurines

ChartBlog: Have you thought of making Kasabian dolls?
Serge: It'll be good to see them, funny!
Chris: I'm sure Japan has.

ChartBlog: I wouldn't buy them. Well thank you guys, enjoy your holiday.
Serge: Thanks, Merry Christmas!
Chris: Bye!

Your inspired ChartBlog reporter was Amy V.

The new Kasabian single 'Me Plus One' is out on January 29th.