NewsTube - December 13th
GingerLoud vs Lily Allen...Geri's Pooey Horse...Katie Wants Respect...Noel G Can't Be Trusted...Kayne Sued By Evel...Paris Defends Britney, Badly....
It's Raining Manure
Geri Halliwell made a surprise visit to Great Ormond Street hospital this week, accompanied by a shetland pony called Miss Penelope (it's the next celebrity craze after dogs in handbags, donchaknow).
Elephant-brained readers will remember Geri taking her little dog Harry to No.10 Downing Street a few years back, where he disgraced his mistress by weeing on the carpet. And continuing this bizarre and disgusting trend, Miss Penelope left her a special present of her own, some horse poo.
And that, boys and girls, is why you don't see horses in hospitals that often.
Stars Are Blind...And A Bit Dim
Why Paris Hilton is not the person you want fighting your corner in a crisis.
"For people to call out [Britney Spears's] parenting skills on behalf of her partying ethics is appalling."
Partying ETHICS? There's ETHICS to partying? Well, how fancy!
"There are thousands of mothers out there who like to go out and have a good time. But, you do not see people out there calling them 'bad parents.'"
Someone should show Paris a copy of the Daily Mail, that's all they EVER talk about. This is why learning to read is SO important, kids.
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It's Raining Manure
After pretending to be him in a video, Kanye West is being sued by motorbike stuff-jump-overer Evel Knievel for "illegally using and tainting his image with vulgar, sexually and racially-charged content."
'Racially-charged'? Nice. Evel is not a hip hop fan, then...
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The Price Is Right...ish
Katie Price has worked out exactly what her and Peter's unique selling point is.
"I say to people, do you know anybody else who've dedicated their whole album to charity? I think we deserve a pat on the back for that."
Agreed. Well done. Do we still have to buy the thing now?
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The Importance Of Being Quiet
Here's why you can't trust Noel Gallagher with a secret. This is what he revealed to a journalist at a party about his pap-magnet brother Liam.
"He's all set to get wed in the next few months. They are just going to slip away and do it quietly."
Well, not NOW they aren't...
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It's Raining Manure
After being nearly complimented by Lily Allen, Nicola Aloud has come out fighting.
"Lily said she liked me because I was moody and not that pretty. She was a breath of fresh air when she first came out, but now I think, well, f*** her."
Well, that kind of proves Lily right on the first point if nothing else, right?
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