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Coping with deafness

Music - Frank Sinatra, "Time After Time".

"The sound of the Fifties. This is what I heard when I was growing up. Those were my teenage years, when I first found love and the man I would marry, my John.

I was sixteen... he was thin!

Fifty years ago, I knew the words to the popular songs. It was taken for granted, I remember them to this day. But now I'm deaf.

Music stops abruptly

The passage of time hasn't eased the frustration, the anger. Why me, God? Why me?

My life is full of love from my John and Timothy, my son. Nevertheless, I'm deaf.

Don't shout at me! Look at me... let me see your eyes... let me see your lips... this is how I hear.

Oh! Still the volume of the speakers voice has increased by a number of decibels. Words are exaggerated, slowly mouthed in a silent speech reserved for the inane.

Deafness is not seen, it's not apparent and it is the least understood.

So often it's a call for ridicule...
"What time is it?"
" Tuesday", I reply.

I join in the laughter but, inside, I'm crying tears of humiliation. I crave understanding. I have to accept my disability - only I can be self-pitying. Fill your ears with cotton wool... then maybe you will begin to understand.

My name is Maureen, I am deaf."

Have you lived in Swansea all your life?
I was born here to a working class family. My mother traded on a glass and china stall in Swansea Market. It was a family business. I met my husband John in the St. Davids Church youth club. In 1966, with our two sons we left these sunny shores for the more sunny country of Zambia, Central Africa. While there our holiday travels took us all around the world from Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe my sons were educated there) to South Africa, South America and of course Europe.

When did you discover your deafness?
It was while on holiday in Greece in 1971 that I contracted Asian flu. I was pretty poorly and on arrival home in Swansea, I was prescribed antibiotics that were to eventually take away my hearing. John and I went on to work in Mount Vernon, Illinois, U.S.A. and then in Ghana, West Africa for 5 years. We returned to Swansea in 1994 where we have stayed although we continue holiday travels to America, Australia, Europe and most recently to South Africa.

What is your story about?
My story is of my deafness - a blight on my life. Despite having a loving husband who spends a great deal of money to provide me with the latest manufactured hearing aids it is not the same, it will never be the same as 100% natural hearing.

Deafness does not carry a visual warning as does blindness and disabilities of immobility. The loss of hearing on times can be heart-breaking and frustrating.

Why did you choose to tell this particular story?
I chose one of the subjects closest to my heart - my disability, my deafness and the need for understanding. I am not looking for sympathy. If just a few viewers of my story begin to understand my frustration and appreciate what this loss - the precious gift of hearing - means, then all will not have been in vain.

What was the experience of making your digital story like?
How can I describe the thrill of experiencing first hand the expertise and the knowledge of the tutors, of the team? The whole process was verbally relayed in a language that could be understood by us all, whether computer literate or not. The secrets of the technology were made easy to understand.
The kindness and the humour of my fellow writers was very much appreciated and I think we all felt a closeness for however short a time.
It was indeed a wonderful experience. However the after effects could be likened to giving up smoking - the withdrawal symptoms were awful!

Your comments

"I found Maureen's story interesting. I was born deaf but I went to an Ordinary school, in the west of Ireland, and learned how to lip-read. I am 33 now and still finding it frustrating in groups espeically at work where my work colleagues are great but sometimes forget that I need to look at them to lip-read them etc. I get very depressed over it but I tend to solider on. My advise is be strong your Deafness is only one part of you there is a loving and exiting person behind that. I have learned that if people don't accept you for who you are they are not worth getting frustrated about it." Katrina Dublin Ireland.

"I also put my maiden name in the computer and was interested in your story it made me really think of what deafness is about. I was born in Wales like you and it was good to see there was another Maureen Lewis. Good luck and keep positive." Maureen Lewis (now Deeming).

"Hi my name is Maureen Lewis and I live in Bermuda. I am 48 years old and I work in a hotel. I was putting my name in the computer to see what came up and read your story. I don't know what it is like not to hear You seem a nice person and I hope you stay safe and well." Maureen Lewis, Pembroke, Bermuda.