Losing a Sister
Anita lost her three-year-old sister 'baby' in a tragic accident in the family home. Here she tells us about the impact this had on the whole family.
"Pinky and I have never had any need for words as our bond is so strong and unique. I'm sure if life had dealt us a different hand we would have somehow engineered a relationship that was just as strong but based on another set of circumstances.
As children, we were in tune with each other and often finished off each other's sentences, we even had the same dreams.
We were not allowed to speak about what happened on that fateful day. But we had our conversations at night, under the duvet with only a small torch for light. We put the world to rights, speaking about what happened to Baby, and what she would have become.
For a long time I didn't allow myself to be happy. I can remember double checking myself every time I laughed and I would remember what happened to Baby. Night after night I would cry myself to sleep, too frightened to make a sound in case I disturbed anyone else, in case I encroached on their grief. I often remember waking up in Pinky's embrace and being gently rocked.
I'm not sure when things changed. I think it was when my baby brother was born, this bundle of delight that filled a hole so deep in so many people's lives. We learnt to love and laugh again.
Twenty years have passed. Pinky and I drive each other crazy, it means everything and nothing. She allows it because she knows I can only really be this way with her."
Anita Badhan
