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	TX: 08.10.04 - Asperger's Relationships 听 PRESENTER: JOHN WAITE AND WINIFRED ROBINSON

	THE ATTACHED TRANSCRIPT WAS TYPED FROM A RECORDING AND NOT COPIED FROM AN ORIGINAL SCRIPT.听 BECAUSE OF THE RISK OF MISHEARING AND THE DIFFICULTY IN SOME CASES OF IDENTIFYING INDIVIDUAL SPEAKERS, THE 91热爆 CANNOT VOUCH FOR ITS COMPLETE ACCURACY. WAITE Now your comments have been flooding in, in response to our exploration of autism this month. Claire Travis has a nine year old daughter who has in the last six months been diagnosed with Asperger and Claire says it's taken six years for the education system and the school to recognise that she needs help and adds: "And I'm still fighting for a statement of educational need to be issued." 听 ROBINSON Natalie's son has Asperger's Syndrome. He was excluded from school and stayed at home for eight months while his local education authority thought about what they should do with him. "Let's hope your programme raises awareness," she says, "and that we see more understanding and acceptance of these often talented, gifted and special people, whose worse crime is to have a different mindset from the rest of us. 听 WAITE For Pauline Kendrick the major factor of living with a child with autism is how isolating it is for the whole family: "The entire life of the immediate family has to be arranged around the autistic person," she says, "others often don't realise the effort that goes into organising something as simple as a trip to the shops." 听 ROBINSON Well one of the difficulties people with autism and Asperger's Syndrome face is recognising the feelings of other people and interpreting their moods. So how do they and their loved ones get on? Well we've been speaking to two couples - Chris and Gisela Slater-Walker have been together for 10 years and despite many ups and downs they feel they've found ways to make their relationship work. And Gaynor Barrett, who has Asperger's Syndrome, and who lives with Tim and their two-year-old daughter Rosy. 听 BARRETT I don't have worries about how I relate to other people normally because how I relate to other people is normal for me, it's only other people that think it's a problem. 听 GISELA SLATER-WALKER We met at university, we were both studying Russian and I realised that actually Chris was a far better linguist than I was and it seemed to me that it was going to be a friendship that was worth cultivating. 听 CHRIS SLATER-WALKER When I met Gisela she immediately almost struck me as someone who was really easy to get on with and the fact that she actually didn't - well maybe she did find me a bit strange but she didn't let it show at the time meant that I felt quite relaxed in her company. So I guess you could say there was a kind of mutual benefit there. 听 GISELA SLATER-WALKER A lot of people were saying that people with Asperger's Syndrome couldn't get married. 听 CHRIS SLATER-WALKER They weren't you know - shouldn't be allowed to have children and stuff like that. 听GISELA SLATER-WALKER And that they couldn't maintain a relationship. And I don't believe that that is the case for everybody with Asperger's Syndrome. I think that some people with Asperger's Syndrome do find partners, it's often more difficult for them to find partners and some of them can sustain a relationship in what is a mutually supportive marriage. 听 BARRETT Before we got this idea about Asperger's people physical contact is a really, really terrible thing but that's kind of a stereotype you know. Some people they touch people really lightly like that and it just tickles and really makes your skin feel horrible but with Tim he was actually very just keeping still and stuff, so that wasn't so much of a problem with him. 听 GISELA SLATER-WALKER I was reading a book by Oliver Sachs about an American professor who is autistic and she said that she was sure that her father may well have had Asperger's Syndrome because he was pedantic and remote and described him a little bit more and I thought this is Chris. 听 BARRETT You see before I had a relationship with Tim I was thinking about I wouldn't ever have a relationship with someone properly because I always just argued with people. So I was thinking that if I wanted to have a baby I would just have to sleep with someone and like not have a relationship with them. I think I have a better relationship with her than some people have with their kids, given that they're just screaming at them all the time and stuff like that. 听 GISELA SLATER-WALKER Before I understood the autism and Chris I would try and discuss something with him and it was actually impossible - if I said something to Chris he would sit there and he would not even look at me and he wouldn't say anything, that is if I'd - if I was in the least bit emotional he wouldn't say a thing and when I say not say a thing I mean say absolutely nothing, stay absolutely silent. Chris doesn't - will never provide words of comfort because it doesn't make sense to him but he will look for ways of providing practical help and I think it's important to recognise the effort that he's made and value that. 听 CHRIS SLATER-WALKER We went to a party, which was being held by a colleague of Gisela's from a previous job, I knew maybe one or two people there at most. After half an hour I ended up sort of running out and going and sitting in the car because I just couldn't - I just couldn't cope with it anymore. And you see the big problem is when I go into a situation like that I see all these people, many of whom probably don't know each other that well actually, all making conversation and appearing to get on quite fine with each other, I just don't have the ability to fit in, in that kind of situation, no understanding of what to do at all and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. 听 GISELA SLATER-WALKER Quite a lot of people who are listening might think well okay I'm not really a party animal either. I think this goes far beyond that because some of the difficulties for Chris in that situation are that he can't read people very well. I thought well there's an obvious answer to this - if I think Chris is going to feel uncomfortable I'll say - well do you want to come because I'm not bothered, I will - I'm quite happy to go by myself. So I've just learnt to go some places on myself and also to make sure that there are things that we do actually do together. 听 BARRETT If you have a kid it's someone that actually thinks you're important but you know if I say that then people go - oh it's terrible, all these people they just have kids to make themselves feel important. Whereas if a normal person said that then they think that that's fine but if I say that someone will think it's something terrible. She's obviously not autistic because she can talk and she's not three yet. She might have Asperger's Syndrome. I think that would be easier for me to cope with, than if she didn't. It would be easier to deal with that than if she comes and asks me for advice about how to deal with her boyfriends when she's like 13 or something, I mean how am I supposed to know that? 听 WAITE Gaynor Barrett. And you may like to know that Chris and Gisela Slater-Walker have written a book about their experiences and details about the book are available on our website. Back to the Transcripts homepage Back to the You and Yours homepage The 91热爆 is not responsible for external websites

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