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Why Don't You Call?
Michael Goldfarb tries to re-establish a close relationship with his brother...
When we were growing up, my brothers and I were very close. But in recent years I have become estranged from the younger of the two. Slights by my parents imagined by my brother's wife lie at the heart of it. The punishment - my folks are denied any access to my brother's two sons, my nephews, my parents only grandchildren. The pain this causes them is enormous.
Recently I found myself working in Cambridge Massachussets just a few miles from my estranged brothers office, so we meet in a restuarant. The conversation flows and I refrain from giving any indication of the level of anger and disdain I feel for his actions. I only insist that he put it to his wife that we, my parents, our other brother, myself - are coming for a visit.
The visit is scheduled. A bit of bonding goes on. Its a good day for the kids. Normal relations seem to hover just on the horizon. Spontaneous, rather than highly scheduled interactions with my nephews seemed the next step in rebuilding our relationship.
One Saturday, I decided to take the train to the Ocean not far from where my brother lives. I called and suggested meeting up. He was for it but he couldn't make the decision unilaterally. He had to check with his wife ... who was out ... Complications, complications. I tell him I'll call when I arrive - the line is engaged, then the answering machine on. I leave a message, asking that he call me during the week. I remind him I'm leaving for London soon.
My office phone is silent. I think about calling my brother. I find myself resisting the idea. The thought in my head goes like this: Call him, no he should call me, call him, no he should call me, call him, no...
Have you lost touch with someone close to you?
Who was involved and how do you feel about them?
What actions did you take to try to re-establish contact?
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