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I've Been to a Marvellous Party
by Piers Plowman
 This spirited Noel Coward parody comes from the Fantasy Archers topic of .
Not really intending,
I find my ear bending,
Itself to a show.
It comes after the news,
And that one without Clues,
And preceding Front Row.
I reach for the knob to switch it off,
Telling myself "Enough's enough",
Then I hear "Dum de dum",
And get rather a rum,
Feeling inside,
You may well deride,
but ...
I've been to a marvellous party,
With Clarrie, and Eddie, and Joe.
'Twas upstairs at the Bull,
And we'd all a skinful,
In a nice way, of course, don't you know?
Roy and Hayley were trying for a baby,
So we all cleared a space on the floor.
Alistair'd brought his AI kit along,
When Lillian cried "Daahlings, you're doing it wrong!
Hayley, my dear, first undo your sarong!"
I couldn't have liked it more!
I've been to a marvellous party,
Dear David arrived with a cow.
Jenny said "Struth! I see you've brought Ruth",
But Brian just said "How now".
Matt Crawford proposed playing poker,
And pulled a deck out of a drawer.
Shula tied Alistair's arms in a knot,
While Kenton put his last bob in the pot,
Then Matt laid down five aces, and captured the lot!
I couldn't have liked it more!
The country set's foibles,
At hunts and in stoibles,
Would leave you agog.
The rich ones, the poor ones,
The many, the few'r ones,
Could put you off your grog.
Lady of manor and barrow boy,
The crême de la crême and the hoi polloi,
The world's upside-down,
It's as bad as in town,
Be that as it may,
Just the other day ...
I've been to a marvellous party,
Dear Nelson arrived in a shroud,
Elizabeth said, "You appear to be dead,"
But under her breath, not out loud.
Adam and Ian on one side,
With Sid and Jolene, that makes four,
All came out onto the floor for a tick,
Where Adam and Ian showed us all a new trick,
Where it seems Sid got the wrong end of the stick!
I couldn't have liked it more!
I've been to a marvellous party,
Clive was there, dressed in stripes, natch.
He wanted a smoke,
And had his little joke,
Asking Auntie Christine for a match.
Greg Turner was sat in the corner,
'Twas midnight, the witching hour,
With his head in his hands, he was doing his best,
Lending an ear at John Archer's behest,
Who wanted to get something off of his chest!
I couldn't have liked it more!
I've been to a marvellous party,
India looked ravishingly,
While Carly disclosed,
With her navel exposed,
A talent for coarse repartee.
Everyone turned in amazement,
As Sam Batton strolled in at the door.
He was sipping a cognac and looking refined,
In a lavender suit Sophie Barlow designed,
When David stuck that bless'd platemeter ...
Well, never mind,
I couldn't have liked it more!
More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon
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