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20th December 2001
Mean Machine 15 cert camera

Dir: Barry Skolnick
Cast: Vinnie Jones, Jason Statham, Danny Dyer, David Kelly, David Hemmings, Robbie Gee, Vas Blackwood
Release: 26th December 2001

Vinnie Jones

Just like running out at the old Plough Lane

Vinnie Jones in a lead role - shock. Vinnie Jones plays a hard footballer - no shock there then.

Nigel Bell

It would be very easy to, and some reviewers will no doubt, dismiss this film simply because it has Vinnie Jones as the leading man.

And while the ex-Wimbledon Crazy Gang member shows he's no Tom Hanks or Cruise, he does prove he's a lot better than, say, John Wark in Escape To Victory.

While parallels will be made to that film this is actually a remake of Robert Aldrich's The Longest Yard.

As such, and to use a bit of footballing cliché, this movie is definitely passable.

Jones plays Danny Meehan, one time England captain whose career came unstuck when he deliberately gave away a penalty against the Germans to clear his debts.

On the bottle, he assaults a couple of police officers and gets sent down for three years.

His fellow cons are far from in awe of the one time national hero. As is pointed out to him by an inmate, most of them are inside because they had nothing to start off with. Meehan had everything and threw it all away.

His life inside only become tolerable when he stops inmate Massive from a going over by one of the warders. Meehan gets beaten up himself but earns the respect of the prison.

Ah ha. The stage is set, the rehabilitation is begun, Meehan can become a hero again.

It all reaches a climax with a football match between the cons and the screws. It's nasty, it's bloody, it's predictable and if anything it's overlong, but football fans will recognise some nice touches from the the two lags on commentating duty.

Vinnie Jones
Gazza gets his revenge for that "grabbing" incident

Mean Machine certainly pulls no punches in showing the brutality of the the prison regime. Violence is swift and painful.

There are nods to other films, such as when Meehan is in solitary and given a tennis ball to show off his soccer skills. Shades of Steve McQueen The Great Escape cooler king methinks.

What's surprising is that for a leading man Vinnie doesn't actually say much and for a supposed hard-man, when put up against all the nutters in jail, he doesn't seem that hard (which can only be good if he's trying to broaden his acting range).

Biggest shock, however, is David Hemmings. One time glamour boy of the 60s and 70s, he's now piled on the pounds, has amazingly long eyebrows and, when you look more closely, seems to have morphed into former Prime Minister Harold Wilson.

Definitely a lads film but more than just a football caper.

3/5

 


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