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Anyone hoping for an Ian Curtis biopic will be deeply disappointed by Joy Division, a Cold War spy thriller. Still, at least they'll have company: everyone expecting a half-decent spy thriller will be equally fed up. Ed Stoppard stars as Thomas, a German teenager retrained as a KGB agent after the fall of Berlin. He's sent to London where he pretends to be an artist, meets contacts on park benches and talks in endless voiceover. Whoever thought spying could be so dull?

Joy Division is certainly epic: spanning seventeen years, it takes us from war-torn Germany in 1945 to 60s London to the Mexican desert. None of the locations look particularly convincing; the Swinging Sixties reduced to a smoky pub, an artist's garret and a red phone box where Thomas speaks to his controller "Tallyho" in ridiculous coded messages. Scenes set in Nazi Germany generate tension as Thomas and his blonde plaited Fr盲ulein (Bernadette Heerwagen) try to escape the Soviets. Whenever the pace flags, writer/director Reg Traviss lets Melanie get captured by soldiers (not once, not twice but three times).

"MAKES NO SENSE"

In London Thomas begins to question his Iron Curtain career choices. "Good spies are not moral philosophers. Ours are the secret wars of the individual," mutters his mysterious contact Dennis (a strange role for a familiar face like Bernard Hill). It makes about as much sense as anything else in a movie where at times you wonder if the projectionist has got the reels mixed up. Maybe they were just lucky enough to fall asleep.