Lara Croft meets Zorro in this period thriller set in 19th century Cuba but shot in Mexico. And that's not the only bogus note sounded by Michael Cristofer's film based on the same novel (Cornell Woolrich's "Waltz Into Darkness") that inspired Francois Truffaut's "Mississippi Mermaid".
Truffaut's film starred Catherine Deneuve as the mail-order bride who is not what she seems. Here she's played by Angelina Jolie, still sporting Lara's plummy English accent and required to do little more than pout seductively, and strip for the camera.
Her easy mark is Luis Vargas (Banderas), a rich coffee merchant who has ordered a wife from America, "kind, true, and young enough to have children". Oh, well, one out of three ain't bad. But what Julia Russell (Jolie) lacks in kindness and constancy, she more than makes up for in drop-dead gorgeousness.
In no time at all Julia has scarpered with Luis's loot, setting in motion a convoluted plot that has the two leads dashing from one end of Cuba to the other with a private detective (Jane) in hot pursuit.
The film contains a couple of steamy sex scenes and some choice moments of unintentional hilarity, but the only sin committed here is the cardinal one of boring us to tears. Don't be surprised if you find yourself distracted by Jolie's bee-stung lips or wondering why the production company behind this farrago - Hyde Park Entertainment - has a picture of Tower Bridge on its logo.
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