Ìý User Rating 
If, when in the cinema, children are spinning round to stare at you, it means either that the film itself is terminally terrible or you've sprouted a massive boil on your forehead that you hadn't quite noticed. The first answer is, of course, the right one. And as for "Merlin The Return", it's a stinker in a division all of its own. It's almost as if director Paul Matthews had accepted a bet to make the worst possible film. Well, he's succeeded, and his winnings are bound to be more than Merlin will ever make.
Matthews' lumbering style sees the picture heave from one gormless scene to the next, helped on its way by the most awful acting. Rik Mayall (Merlin) trots out his usual sweaty desperation and manic panic, Patrick Bergin (King Arthur) looks like an embarrassing dad (complete with silly wig and glitzy, disco-friendly pullover), while the token American (no doubt included to secure international release - some hope) is a kid who seems to be reading his lines off Merlin's forehead.
As Arthur, Merlin, his magic, and a curvy scientist invade the modern world, resulting in the inevitable battle between good and evil, there are indeed plenty of laughs, but all of them are unscripted.
