91Èȱ¬

Sydney, New South Wales

It should be the pinnacle of Michael Clarke's career - , in his home town, against the old enemy in an Ashes Test.

Except it doesn't quite feel like the celebration or the coronation that it should.

The circumstances are unfortunate to say the least: a stand-in job for the injured Ricky Ponting, , with the Ashes already retained by England, a young side of not-yets and will-they-evers taking dreadful stick from public and press alike, and his own form apparently in pieces.

Neither will the headlines in Clarke's local newspaper on Friday morning lift his mood. Of the 4,500 people surveyed by Sydney's , only 15% backed him as long-term skipper. Simon Katich polled more votes, and he is (a) 35, and (b) unlikely to ever play Test cricket again.

Katich, captain of the New South Wales state side, is a popular man in these parts. But that doesn't quite explain why Clarke - at his best a fabulous batsman, full of dreamy drives and fancy footwork - appears to draw such a lukewarm response from cricket lovers across the country.

"I've copped criticism throughout my whole career - it's no different now," he said here on Thursday, and he's absolutely right.

From the other side of the world, Clarke's easy progression through the ranks (he made his first-class debut as a 19-year-old, captained Australia's under-19 team a decade ago and scored splendid centuries in his debut Tests both home and away) looked like the untroubled ascent of a shiny new sporting hero. He was awarded - given to the outstanding Aussie cricketer of the year - ahead of favourites Damien Martyn and Adam Gilchrist, and seemed set to inherit Steve Waugh's mantle as the state and country's most feted batsman.

Yet even then there were signs that the Australian public was not quite willing to clutch this young Pup to its breast.

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Melbourne, Victoria

It was all done and dusted in a touch over three days, Who were the heroes of the fourth Test in Melbourne and who were the zeroes? Have a peruse of my numbers and then dive in with your own. All banter/debate/arguments welcomed. If clean.

ENGLAND

Andrew Strauss - 7

from team selection (bringing in Tim Bresnan for his leading wicket-taker Steve Finn) to winning the toss (and deciding to bowl) to field placings (putting a short extra cover in for Mike Hussey in the second innings). Scored a punchy 69 to ensure that England capitalised on the fantastic bowling display in the first two sessions and will now go down in history as only the fifth England captain since the World War II to come back from Australia in possession of the Ashes.

Alastair Cook - 7

His excellent 82, compiled on the first evening and second morning, means he has now scored 577 runs in the series, more than any other player and at a remarkable average of 115. The idea that he was under pressure for his place less than five weeks ago now seems quite laughable. The bad news for Australia is that, at the age of only 26, he may well be around for at least more two Ashes tours down under.

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Melbourne, Victoria

Sydney? We'll cross that harbour bridge when we get to it.

At around 1153 on Wednesday morning, Matthew Prior dived to his left to take a low catch off the inside edge of Australia's last batsman Ben Hilfenhaus and trigger scenes of wild celebration at the Melbourne Cricket Ground.

After 24 long years, after pummellings and whitewashes, hubris and humiliation, noses in dirt and tails between legs, England have retained the Ashes.

First, the bare details. .

Now for the full picture. And oh, .

In bright sunshine, under perfect blue skies, this was a sight for England supporters to savour and store for as long as they care about cricket.

The is the spiritual home of Australian sport, a sacred oval of concrete and grass that has hosted Olympic Games, Grand Finals and Test match triumphs for decade after dominant decade.

On Wednesday it was transformed into a little slice of British paradise - the stands almost entirely occupied by an invading army of beaming, barmy fans, the air full of celebratory songs, the lucky thousands inside alternating between furiously waving flags of St George and pinching themselves pink with giddy disbelief.

The hard work had been done on the preceding three days. This was the wrap party, and everyone wanted to be on the dancefloor when the sprinklers started.

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Melbourne, Victoria

When potential England match-winners were discussed before this series began - Kevin Pietersen with his glamourpuss runs, the showy tweak of Graeme Swann, Stuart Broad's bounce and aggression - the name of did not pop up in too many conversations.

is owed an apology. In a spell of 18 balls just after tea, the Yorkshireman who came to Australia as his country's fifth-choice seamer took three key wickets for only two runs to blow the Aussie top order away and ensure, beyond any reasonable doubt, that England will hold the Ashes for another two years.

The scene at the MCG as stumps were drawn was something that will have Bresnan and his more heralded team-mates smiling all the way to sleep tonight: , two days of unbroken sunshine to come - no wonder the warm evening air was filled with chorus after celebrating chorus from thousands of jubilant England supporters.

There is nothing remotely showy or glamourpuss about Bresnan. Built like a terraced house, schooled in the down-to-earth confines of Castleford and Townville cricket clubs, he is as complicated as a chip butty, as likely to be as Australia captain Ricky Ponting is to be made a UN peace envoy.

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Melbourne, Victoria

Ricky Ponting probably feels as if he's copped enough punishment in the first two days of the fourth Test - his side bowled out for 98,, his own form collapsing and the Ashes slipping ever further from his grasp.

And now this - fined 40% of his match fee after a prolonged remonstration with the umpires. Midway through the afternoon, Australia's captain lost first a referral against Kevin Pietersen and then his temper, berating both umpires for several minutes as team-mates gathered at his shoulder to lend their support.

Ponting has never been slow to eject toys from his stroller. Combative, aggressive and stubborn with a bat in his hand, he can deal with defeat and disappointment in a laudably honest, up-front fashion. At other times, particularly when he is under extreme pressure in the field, those same characteristics can get out of control.

The delivery that triggered it all initially looked relatively innocuous - a little swinger from Ryan Harris that came back enough to pass between Pietersen's bat and front pad. Neither Harris nor first slip Shane Watson bothered appealing.

Wicketkeeper Brad Haddin was the first to go up. Others then joined in., shook his head. Pietersen stayed motionless.

Haddin, convinced, ran down the track making the 'T'-shaped request for a television referral. Ponting, at mid-off rather than second slip to protect his injured finger, jogged in to join him.

Up in the stands, TV umpire Marais Erasmus scrolled through the replays. There was no edge visible on either slow-motion or Hotspot from any of the angles offered. That, you thought, was that. The Barmy Army cheered and Dar signalled that the referral had been lost.

Ponting was furious. To his eyes, the replay on the giant screen in the MCG indicated the faintest white mark on the bottom of Pietersen's bat. Trouble was, it was nowhere near the flight of the ball. It was also so vague as to be almost imaginary.

For Punter, it was enough. He had also seen Pietersen winking at him happily, examining the edge of his bat with calculated enjoyment.

Striding towards Dar, he stood with hands on hips and gave full vent to his feelings. When Dar walked away to be in position for the next over, he switched his attention to Pietersen, standing mid-pitch with Jonathan Trott, and then the other umpire Tony Hill as he came in from square leg. None were for moving.

More was to follow. With Australia enjoying a rare period of ascendancy just before tea, Matthew Prior edged Mitchell Johnson to Haddin and began to walk off, only to be halted by Umpire Dar.

Glancing down at Johnson's footmark, Dar thought he may have missed a no-ball, and asked Erasmus to check. Sure enough, the left-armer had over-stepped the crease. Prior, on just five, was reprieved while Ponting went puce. By the close he had added another 70 runs in an unbroken stand of 158.

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Melbourne, Victoria

First the good news for Australia: Michael Clarke, struggling all series, was his side's top scorer. Phillip Hughes, under enormous pressure, was just four runs back. Graeme Swann failed to take a single wicket.

The bad news? How long do you have?

Even in a series that has seen some spectacular implosions, this was an astounding collapse, a capitulation so bewildering and absolute that Australia's hopes of regaining the Ashes might well have gone down the gurgler with it.

98 all out doesn't happen very often in grade cricket, let alone an Ashes Test. It certainly doesn't happen on Boxing Day at the MCG, the single most iconic day and arena in the Aussie sporting calendar.

For it to be , with Australian fans pouring out of the ground in their shell-shocked thousands and bright sunshine baking any remaining juice from the track, was a Christmas gift beyond anything Andrew Strauss could ever have wished for.

In a Test series that has swung so violently from one team to the other we should beware of attaching too much significance to just two sessions. Australian success early at the Gabba ended in English ascendancy and then ; a side which had won by an innings was then demolished by 267 runs in Perth.

But 98? This was Australia's lowest first innings score at the MCG in history, even worse than the 104 they posted in the first ever Test back in 1877. It's less than Mike Hussey alone was averaging coming into the game. As one fan muttered on his rapid way back out onto two hours before the close, it was a total that would be considered bad by Zimbabwe, rotten by Bangladesh.

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Melbourne, Victoria

Two centuries in this Ashes series so far. Three fifties. 517 runs from just three Tests - six times more than his skipper Ricky Ponting - and an average of over 100.

How on earth can England stop the run machine that is Mike Hussey?

Having been one bad innings away from losing his place in the Australian side, Hussey has gone on to dominate the series. He saved his team from deep trouble in Brisbane, nearly rescued them in Adelaide and then took them to the brink of victory in Perth.

If England want to win the Ashes, Hussey is now the man they must stop.

Since they seem to be struggling, I thought a little outside assistance might be necessary. Who or what might hold the key to dismissing the immovable Mr Cricket?

Stats first. A little digging through the scorecards reveals that Hussey has been out caught 54 times in Test cricket, bowled 16 times, trapped lbw 16 times and run out once.
Compared to most batsmen, that's a slightly higher percentages of lbws than you might expect. Is there something there England could attack?

Bob is now coach of Canterbury in New Zealand's South Island. Can he identify, I ask him over the phone, any technical weakness that might be exploited?

"I honestly can't," he says, slightly dispiritingly. "Mike's got one of the best techniques I've ever had the pleasure to see or work with. At one time there might have been a little bit of self-doubt there, and that might be why it took him so long to reach the top. But there's no self-doubt there now.

"Mike's very aware of where his off stump is. The way he stands at his crease, his set-up and the way he gets ready to face the ball is very still, and he plays every ball on its merits.

"His focus and concentration are also very good. If he does play and miss he'll play the next ball as he should; if he hits a four or a six, he'll play the next ball. Coupled with being very strong on either side of the wicket, and you have a very complete player. At the moment, Tom, I can't see that little chink in the armour."

Perhaps sensing the disappointment in my voice, Bob pauses. You can almost hear the chin being stroked.

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Perth, Western Australia

Three Tests down, two to go, 1-1 in the series.

But before we start thinking about the tensions and tribulations to come, let's finish off the post mortem from the Waca.

Usual rules apply - use my thoughts as a springboard for your own and then dive in to the debate.

ENGLAND

Andrew Strauss - 5
His most difficult three and a bit days of the tour so far. Scored a half-century in England's first innings as his side cruised to 78-0 before the dreaded collapse set in, and failed - as did so many others - when disciplined batting was required in the second. Has scored just 178 runs in the series to date, almost two-thirds of them coming in a single innings at the Gabba, and now faces a stern test of his leadership skills in restoring the morale and self-belief of a team that has just been soundly thrashed.

Alastair Cook - 3
After the superlative deeds in Brisbane and Adelaide, England's leading run-scorer came back down to Perth with a bump. When Mitchell Johnson took his wicket early on the second morning it presaged both an England collapse and the rebirth of Johnson as a Test bowler, although neither could be blamed on Cook. Overtaken by Mike Hussey as the best batsman in the series so far, but that particular head-to-head is not over yet.

Jonathan Trott - 3
Looked uncomfortable against the short ball throughout on the bouncy Waca track. Trapped bang in front by the brutal late inswing of Johnson on the second day and then, having done the hard work on Saturday evening, poked at one he could have left. Will be hoping the pitches at the MCG and SCG have less spice and grass.

Kevin Pietersen - 1
In Adelaide, Pietersen looked like the best batsman in the world - rock-solid in defence, faultless in shot selection, brutal in attack. Here in Perth, he barely got started, playing across the line as Johnson worked his magic in the first innings and then playing a horrible needless waft off the back foot in the second just when his side - and the match situation - required patience. The prospect of 95,000 Australians screaming for his blood at the MCG is exactly the sort of motivation he will enjoy.

Paul Collingwood - 2
Began the match with one of the great slip catches to get rid of Ricky Ponting, but receives his marks almost entirely for that. Looked a walking wicket against Johnson's late in-dippers, and with an average in the series of just 15 is the man most under pressure in the England batting-order. Still unlikely to be dropped - he is too valued within the team, and Eoin Morgan has neither the form nor Test pedigree to be a guaranteed better option - but desperately needs runs to silence the critics.

Ian Bell - 6
Continues to look accomplished every time he comes to the crease, and has been undone as much by the prospect of running out of partners as anything else. England must now decide whether to risk more of the same by leaving him at six, or shuffling the batting order to give him more of a chance. Most likely is a straight switch with Collingwood at 5, although he could also move up to four to protect Pietersen from the danger of a swinging new ball.

Matt Prior - 6
Impeccable behind the timbers, Prior has looked a far superior wicketkeeper to his opposite number Brad Haddin; some of his takes down leg-side were exceptional. With the bat, however, he failed to make any significant contribution when his side needed him to step up. Averaging 16 in the series, aided in large part by his not out 27 in Adelaide.

Graeme Swann - 3
Took the prize scalp of Mike Hussey on the first afternoon, but from then on failed to make any real impact. Curiously denied the chance of a decent spell in the second innings as Australia took the game away from England, and will be glad to leave the Waca wicket behind.

Chris Tremlett - 8
His eight wickets across the match represented a splendid second coming for the giant Surrey fast bowler, and he bowled with control and menace throughout. Found the perfect testing length on the first morning to help blow away the Aussie top order and kept his side in the game with his first Test five-for on the third day. Guaranteed to keep his place for the denouement.

James Anderson - 4
Snagged the big wickets of Ponting and Haddin on Thursday but then struggled to maintain both menace and parsimony. Took only the late tail-end wicket of Peter Siddle in the second innings and looked weary in the Western Australia heat. As nightwatchman turned down a late single on Saturday night that might have saved his senior partner Collingwood and copped an earful of abuse from the fielders when the wicket fell to the last ball of the day.

Steven Finn - 5
To be England's leading wicket-taker in the series in your first Ashes and aged just 21 is a great achievement. Despite that Finn might now be rested for the fourth Test, his scalps here expensive and his line increasingly awry. England's bowling plans require their attack to squeeze the life out of opposition batsmen once the shine has gone from the ball, and Finn's tired profligacy may cost him his place - however harsh that might seem.

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Perth, Western Australia

Beaten in an hour over four days. Thrashed by 267 runs. Failing to bat for 100 overs in their two innings combined.

There are plenty of reasons to feel miserable after England's feeble capitulation in the third Test. I could keep typing until the bottom of the page - having Australia at 69-5 on the first day and yet somehow managing to lose; a middle order that contributed just 54 runs between them in this match; Mitchell Johnson transformed from laughing-stock to living legend.

I could, but I won't. What's the point in wallowing in the misery and horrors of it all? It's over. Let it go.

Instead, let us face the future with a spring in our step. Here, courtesy of English stars past and present, are reasons to be cheerful - three apiece.

I'll open out with mine; you finish off with yours. Before we know it we'll be wreathed in beatific smiles and skipping gaily towards the MCG on Boxing Day like members of some happy cricketing cult.

1. Winning the Ashes in a nail-biting finale, having heroically fought off the slings and arrows and battled through varied tragedies en route, will be far more satisfying than winning them at a canter having come up against only token resistance. By losing here at the Waca - which has always happened, and probably always will - England have only made the final victory all the sweeter. Think of an Ashes victory down under as the partner of your dreams. If she/he acquiesced upon your first phone call, you'd only take them for granted. By emerging with them in your arms after a long, tempestuous courtship, you will cherish them for the rest of your days.

2. Last time England won the Ashes, they did so with victory at Melbourne. I know it's more well-known fact than omen or forecast, but it's something.

3. Ashes joy follows disaster with this England team as surely as the wise paparazzo follows Shane Warne. After the Nightmare of Cardiff, the Triumph of Lord's; after the Hammering at Headingley, the Ovation at the Oval. There's only one thing that can follow from the Whacking at the Waca - the Marvellousity of Melbourne. We'll polish up the name at a later point.

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Perth, Western Australia

Sometimes statistics don't make sense.

A bowler who returns figures of 0-170 in his last match takes four wickets in nine balls in his next. A batting unit that scores 1,215 runs for their last six wickets loses five top-order men for 20 and then five more for 58. A team that was 69-5 on day one .

At other times, they cannot lie. England have never successfully chased anything like 391 to win a Test match. They have only ever passed 300 on the way to a win three times in history. In 11 Ashes matches here at the Waca .

With 310 needed, just five wickets in hand and two days of unbroken sunshine heading this way, they won't be coming out on top in this one either. Even for the most optimistic of cricket calculations can't conjure a way out of this mathematical mess.

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Perth, Western Australia

For most of this Ashes series so far, England's cricketers have felt like they've been starring in a sequence of feel-good fantasy films - The Miracle of Vulture Street, Life Is Beautiful, The Wizards of Oz.

Friday was the day they woke up to find themselves in an old-fashioned horror flick.

Just 24 hours ago the Australian monster looked dead, slain with a stump through the heart and knife from its own media in the back. But just as England's players turned away, ready for the credits to roll, the beast came back to life.

First the tail twitched. Then the eyes opened, and the teeth were bared. By the time England had turned around, smiles freezing on faces, the brute was all over them.

From 78-0 and cruising an hour into the morning, England collapsed to 98-5.

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Perth, Western Australia

There was a moment just after lunch here at the Waca when some England supporters briefly experienced the strangest and most unusual of emotions.

The catalyst was the fall of Australia's fifth wicket. There were just 69 runs on the board. The emotion? Sympathy.

It didn't linger long. from total ignominy to mere significant distress at 268 all out, with England's openers closing the gap to 239 by the close.

While it lasted, however, it felt both enjoyable and slightly improper, like flirting with your best mate's attractive new girlfriend or reading a work colleague's copy of Heat magazine.

Many things are supposed to happen before England cricket fans feel sorry for Australian batsmen, including the sun reversing round the moon and Geoff Boycott admitting he's got something wrong.

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Perth, Western Australia

Mike Hussey, Mr Cricket, The Huss. In a dismal Ashes summer for the home side so far, he has been almost the sole Australian success story. Here in Perth, at his home ground of the Waca, he is primed to lead the long-awaited Aussie fightback.

Except, had it not been for a very stubborn office manager at the local branch of Australia Post 30 years ago, he might never have picked up a cricket bat, let alone been wearing the Baggy Green.

"There was a very competitive annual cricket match that took place at the Post, where I worked, between the planning department and the building department," recalls Ted Hussey, father to the nation's best current batsman.

"I told them I didn't play cricket but they then told me either I'd play or I'd get posted to Wyndham, 3,000 miles to the north, the following Monday. So I had to play."

Ted was a talented young sprinter and athlete but had never bowled a cricket ball in his life. So he went out into the back yard of his house, shoved a lump of wood in the hands of his three-year-old son and started flipping bits of gravel at the wall behind him.

"They were lumps of blue metal that they make roads from over here," he says. "I just wanted to practice throwing these rocks. Then I noticed that Michael was middling them all, every time, with the lump of wood in his hand."

The match did not go well for Ted. He was out first ball, given a token dog's life and then dismissed second ball as well.

"I got in my car and went home, telling myself I'd never ever have anything to do with this stupid game again. I drove up the driveway and Mike is standing there, holding the bit of wood. As I get out of the car, he comes over and says, 'Will you play cricket with me, Dad?' We never looked back."

I am sitting with Ted, a white-haired but immensely chipper gentleman, in the Lillee and Marsh Stand at the Waca. Intrigued by what has made his son the cricketer and man he is, I had dug out a number for him on arriving in Perth and called more in hope than expectation. Two days later, I am enjoying a quintessential afternoon of Australian affability and warmth.

Forty metres away, the groundstaff are putting the final touches to the Test wicket. The outfield is lush, the stands are spotless. Mike learned his cricket on a rather different pitch. The Hussey oval was the concrete driveway at the family's home in , 10 or so miles to the north-west, the equipment basic at best.

"His uncle made him a bat out of an old window jamb," recalls Ted. "Then we got a brick and wedged three stumps into holes in it so he could use it on the concrete."

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Perth, Western Australia

Less than 48 hours to go until the third Test gets under way, and the tension is ratcheting up. Should England win here in Perth, they will hold on to the Ashes urn for another two years. Should Australia come out on top, the series is wide open again going into the final two matches over Christmas and New Year.

England, dominant for all but two days of the series so far, have a problem. Historically, they have never worked out how to play well at the Waca.

Of the 11 Ashes Tests staged here, they have come out on top just once - in 1978, when Australia's team had been wrecked by the breakaway World Series.

Australia? No such issues. They've won every one of the last five Ashes Tests at the ground, including the 206-run thrashing four years ago.

So what is the secret to winning at this idiosyncratic arena on the banks of the Swan River? What special skills do batsmen and bowlers need to succeed here?

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Melbourne, Victoria

They have just lost a Test by an innings and 71 runs. For the first time in two decades, they have failed to win a single one of their last five Tests. Four opposition batsmen have an average in the series of more than 100. So do four of their own bowlers. They are also taking a fearful pummelling from public and pundits alike.

So, with the third Test only a week away and needing to win at least two of the remaining three Tests to regain the Ashes, how can Australia bounce back from here?

, tactics, the team's attitude and the captaincy of Ricky Ponting, let alone a toothless bowling attack and struggling top order. By contrast, England will head to Western Australia off the back of their most impressive overseas victory in memory, full of runs and wickets and bursting with confidence.

"It's going to be tough, no two ways about it," told the 91Èȱ¬. "There are plenty of questions and about a thousand answers to each question."

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Adelaide, South Australia

With the day-long thunderstorms finally clearing away after England's record-breaking innings win over Australia in the second Test, I've put together the traditional post-match ratings.

See them only as a launching-pad for your own opinions. I won't be offended. For long.

ENGLAND

Andrew Strauss - 7
Under normal accountancy rules an opener who made only one run in the match could expect a lower rating. Strauss, though, deserves his numbers for the way he led his side to the most impressive performance from an England team overseas many could remember. Along with coach Andy Flower he has forged a unified, focused and successful team, his leadership both on and off the field a lesson in performance under pressure and attention to detail.

Alastair Cook - 9
Could his Test place really have felt under threat just a fortnight ago? His remorseless accumulation of runs in this series has statisticians digging out the records from luminaries like Waugh, Hammond and Bradman, the 148 he scored in England's only innings here the rock around which a winning position was established.

His current series average is 225. Even if he is out for a duck in every remaining innings, he will still finish with an average over 50. Just to stick a cherry atop the pie, he also took the fine diving catch that dismissed Australia's key man Michael Clarke to the last ball of the penultimate day.

Jonathan Trott - 9
His brilliant run-out of Simon Katich with a direct hit from square leg in the very first over of the match lit the fuse for the demolition that followed, and his stubborn 78 with the bat helped take England from a precarious 3-1 to a dominant 176-2. Averaging 121 for the series, part of an England batting order that is in danger of sending Australian bowlers to the knacker's yard.

Kevin Pietersen - 10
Sitting around with your pads on for 11 hours while your team-mates pile on record after record would monkey with most players' minds. Not the glamourpuss of the team. His 227 was not only the highest score of his Test career but also his most complete innings, a brilliant mix of concentration, style and blazing bravado.

In itself it was enough to guarantee him the man-of-the-match award. That he then broke the key partnership of Clarke and Hussey just when Australia looked like they might wriggle clear with a draw was almost laughable. Loved every second of the adoration and attention, and deserved it entirely.

Paul Collingwood - 8
That might seem a high mark for a man who only scored 42, and failed to take a wicket with the ball. But Collingwood's contribution was key to England's win - not only for keeping the scoreboard ticking over with seamless speed after the eventual dismissal of Cook, but for his routinely remarkable catching at slip as Graeme Swann ran through the Australian order. Also picks up big bonus marks for running out of the England dressing-room in just his pants as the rain hammered down on the final afternoon and pulling off a textbook slide along the sodden covers.

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Adelaide, South Australia

Just after lunchtime on Tuesday, an enormous tropical storm grabbed Adelaide between its teeth and didn't let go for the next five hours.

Thunder rattled windows. Lightning stabbed down. Rain came in so hard that you could barely see across the road.

If you could, it wouldn't have been a surprise to spot the England team. Two hours earlier, under a bright blue sky, they had taken the last six Australian wickets for 66 runs to complete an innings victory with the sort of down under dominance that many England cricket supporters thought had died with .

In the preceding 55 years, England had won just two Tests at the Adelaide Oval. It has been a quarter of a century since they last won a match in a live Ashes series in Australia, and eight years since they won any Test here at all.

Australia had not lost at home by an innings since the great West Indian side of 1993 punished them in Perth. They have only ever once lost by a bigger margin in Adelaide in Test history. They must now win at least two of the remaining three matches to have any chance of regaining an urn they used to almost own.

But this was about something more than just statistics, remarkable though they were.
Since their last successful Ashes campaign away from home 24 years ago, England have grown accustomed to defeat after demoralising defeat to Australian teams that were fitter, faster, angrier and plain old better at batting and bowling.

In that time they have been thrashed, humiliated, laughed at and patronised. There have been false dawns, dog-day afternoons and long dark nights of the soul, none worse than the mortifying 5-0 whitewash of four years ago.

To be present when the roles finally switched was like watching the world turned upside down.

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Adelaide, South Australia

Tick-tock, tick-tock. Drip-drop, drip-drop.

After four days of roasting Australia's bowlers and batsmen, England's cricketers now face a nerve-butchering battle against two rather more nebulous opponents: the clock and the climate.

When Andrew Strauss declared with his side on 620-5 at 1012am Adelaide time, a lead of 375 on the board, his side had almost six sessions to take the 10 Australian wickets needed for victory. .

The number they will be most concerned by? 28. That is the number of millimetres of rain Adelaide usually receives in the whole of December. It is also the amount of rain forecast to fall on the city on this particular Tuesday alone.

That England's players have spent much of the tour now seems horribly ironic. Perhaps Graeme Swann can get busy working on The Umbrella, or The Extremely Efficient Draining System.

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Adelaide, South Australia

"Kevin will make someone pay dearly for his poor run of form."

When , came out with that statement just before this Ashes series began, it seemed like nothing but hopeful bluster - the sort of to out-of-form cricketers with a penchant for switch-hits.

Kevin Pietersen had finished his last Test series with an average of 23. Dropped from the England one-day side, he had then been dismissed for 0 and 1 in his next first-class outing. Coming into this match he hadn't made a Test century in 21 months.

We should have known better. Ford knows his former pupil's batting inside out; Pietersen loves nothing more than a stage and a set of spotlights.

In Brisbane he played beautifully for 43 but then got himself out. Here in Adelaide he played beautifully for 43 and then carried on playing beautifully for another 170. If the rain hadn't come down as if this was South Wales rather than South Australia, he could have creamed it around until Christmas.

England have piled on 551 runs for the loss of four wickets and hold a 306-run lead over the Aussies after three days, despite the rain thwarting play after tea.

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Adelaide, South Australia

Slumped shoulders. Angry words. Looks that could, if not quite kill, at least leave a rather nasty scar.

While England's batsmen enjoyed another remarkable day, Australian tempers first frayed then tore at the Adelaide Oval.

Ricky Ponting, having been dismissed for a golden duck and watched his side skittled out at bargain basement price on a lovely track, lost his rag with Andrew Strauss on day one. Peter Siddle and Xavier Doherty, impotent all afternoon as England raced to a lead of 72 with eight wickets in hand, stood stony-faced with hands on heads.

Doug Bollinger, reduced to puce rage by the sight of , might have torn his hair out if he hadn't paid so much for it.

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Adelaide, South Australia

Adelaide was supposed to be the of this Ashes series - extremely easy on the eye, possibly a little bland, very little chance of a result. Instead the first half hour on Friday was more : shocking, slightly bonkers and like nothing you'd ever seen before.

The 517-1 England supporters saw glowing from the electronic scoreboard at the Gabba earlier in the week should have been impossible to top. Three overs into the morning here, the beautifully ornate old manual board at the Cathedral End was showing something equally impossible: Australia 3-2.

In English scoring terms - two down for just three runs - it would have been happy enough. That it was in the local lingo was the stuff of wild English fantasy: three prime men back in the hutch for two runs on the best batting track in the country, after Australia had won the toss and quite sensibly opted to bat.

The scoreboard at the close, bathed in the baking evening sunshine and reading 245 all out, was worthy of snapping for a screensaver. But it was those first frantic overs that will stay in the memory unprompted.

The first three balls brought standard defensive shots from Shane Watson, coming forward comfortably to dead-bat Anderson back up the track. After the third-ball duck shipped by Andrew Strauss in the first over in Brisbane, it all seemed rather tame.

Then Watson came over all , setting off for a suicide single, senses scrambled by adrenaline and occasion, and the plot-line suddenly disappeared somewhere wholly unexpected.

His partner Katich didn't stand a chance. There wasn't so much as a backward glance at his errant partner, nor Trott, possibly the last England fielder you'd expect to throw down one stump from square leg.

If that felt like something of a , the name of the game soon became delirious celebration.

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